Panic and Agoraphobia HELP!!

Hi,
I need help if anyone knows the anwer. I have suffered from major panic disorder for 19 years now.I also have agroaphbia so bad that I cannot stay home alone and I cannot drive. I only feel comfortable going places with my husband. I am so tired of it all and I have tried books, tapes, meds, etc. I have been off of anti depr. for about 7 years now and I am thinking about using them again but I am scared. One of my big phobias is of medication because I think the reason I got panic attacks to begin with was from a shot of depro provera that put me through a menopausal state at 19. Anyway, I do not want the side affects that I got from paxil which was weight gain, no sex drive, sleep problems, and yes withdrawls were aweful. Anyone have any ideas to get over this? I am tired of living life like this, I am such a go getter and I am not a depressed person, but having to struggle gets to me and I just want to be "normal" again. I want to drive to the park and sit and watch the birds with my children and actually enjoy it!! HELP ME if you can!!!

[MrGreen]

Such a go getter certainly is not depressed. That is for sure. Down maybe. Because of the lack of been able to do things. But a fighter, fights back. The theory has it that is we face up to the things we fear most of all they grow weaker each time. Medication is just a mask for the real problems. We all hate it. Side effects we all fear. At times we have to admit we might need a little something just to steady the ship so we can begin our fight back. An easy going tablet. Small dosage even. Only other route would be to get back out there and let the worst of things come on and see that they do pass. It is a harder way. But it does work. We are not talking massive steps at a time. We are talking baby steps. The front garden. Then up and down the street you live on. Small things. Until you feel safe with each one. Then take it to the next level. Home alone for half an hour. Your husband coming home at a set time. But while he is not there you look for something to do. To change your focus. Take it away from your fears. Be it a hobby. Something you like doing. Even cook. Anything but focus inwards. The more we do that the worse the feelings become. That is when we run from them. But we can distract ourselves. Nobody has ever died from a panic attack. They are nasty. I have had many. But they do pass. This we must accept. We try and find a method that will help us. Only you know what might work best for you. That would be your own little method. I have mine. It may sound silly. But I find that something if feeling bad. To take my mind off my problems. Works well with me. And I spent over a decade indoors. Love going out and about now. So there is hope. We just have to find what works best for us.

[ducky8]

Mr. Green has given you some excellent advice.  Please take it to heart.  Find what works for you.  It's all about trial and error at first.  You don't have to take meds if you don't want to.  I took Paxil  9 years ago and hated it.  I've never taken another SSRI since!  BUT I have taken baby steps to get out of the house and it seems to work for me.  I used to be afraid to stay alone, too.  I babystepped that problem, and now I stay alone 12 hours a day while my husband is at work and I'm fine with it.  
Don't be hard on yourself and take your time.  You'll find your way as long as you don't give up and keep trying.  I know it's not easy.  But it can be done.............One babystep at a time!!

[pattylr]

Thanks for the advice. I have been through it all. I was totally agoroph. for 2 years, could not walk to the mailbox. I tried meds, which worked for me. Then after years got off and felt better, not cured, but better. That was 7-8 years ago and sometimes I can take on the world and sometimes I feel like the world is passing me by. Driving is my biggest fear and I try, but when I fail, it takes me 2 steps further back. When I am alone, I do it, but do not like the way it makes me feel and It hasnt gotten better. I do try the distraction method, sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. But I am very frustrated with having to deal with this every day. Are you over your panic? Did you take meds to get over it?
Thanks so much for the answer back. I am new to the forum, I just needed to reach out.It was all good advice, but nothing that I have not tried before and never a cure. It gets better and then worse, but I have never went days without, you know what I mean..

[pattylr]

Thank you for the response. I am new here and did not expect anyone to actually answer. I just get down sometimes, it is a difficult struggle to live with each day. Some days are not so bad, but still have the problem of driving and anxiety. Other days are really bad and panic attack after panic attack, cant drive, or be alone. I get feelings like I am dizzy and I want to pass out and this makes it hard for me to want to even try to drive. Have you felt like this? I always wonder if it is something else. Anyway, I just long to be with my kids and feel great. Every once in a while this happens and then I try to keep it going, but then something hits me and it's back down again. Besides babysteps, which I try to do but get up days and down days, what else do you recommend? I am a positive person believe it or not and I thank god every day that it is not cancer or something killing me, but sometimes I get overwhelmed with it and just want to feel "normal again" and live without fear or worry (or at least have fear and worry like others feel it, not like I feel it,lol). Anyway, Thanks again.

[ducky8]

I can really, really relate to what you're saying!  And I mean everything you're saying!  I've spent the last 43 years going back and forth and back and forth with anxiety and agoraphobia.  Sometimes I feel like a "normal" person, other times not so much.  I've been in and out of the house with agoraphobia all these years, and I've finally figured out that this is my life, like it or not.  I've done babystepping (which I think is the best way to go, at least for me), meds, distraction, therapy, even self hypnosis.  The dizzies just started happening to me about 4 years ago.  I never had them before, but now it's just another part of the anxiety.  
I've considered taking xanax (or a med like it) but haven't done it yet.  Have you tried that type of medication?  
Anyway, I guess all we can do is keep on trying.  We can't give up, and we can't give in.  There's nothing else to do but try to keep moving forward and stay strong.  
Let us know how you're doing, ok?
  

[MrGreen]

To be honest I ask myself what is ' normal '? I seriously forget what normal should feel like. Normal to me is what I have been like for the past 20 years. It might have become my new normal. But it is the only normal I know. I still have bad times. Was in hospital only last year. So I am like the Irishman who keeps coming back ' Rick o Shea '. The good days are there. But the bad ones will always be waiting to creep up on me. It is what I do when they do creep up on me that counts. I battle through them. I think I have learned how to battle through them. Two decades has thought me that much. I am on a fair bit of medication. Bit like a walking chemist. But I'm cool with that. I need them. I don't think I remember life without meds. Sad but true as Metallica sang.

[pattylr]

Well, I hate that you are still suffering after 43 years. I keep hoping that any year now I will find a cure. Let me ask you something. I tried to start exercising the other day and because I have spent the last 19 years trying to keep my heart rate down,lol, of course I am out of shape. But I had one of the worst days in my life. My legs and arms felt like they were parallized, I had spells like I was going to pass out and I got the shakes for about an hour and I felt very exhausted. And I mean to the extreme, my muscled took a **** on me. That was Friday and now it is Tuesday and I am still sore and scared to exercise again because it took me literally 6 hours before I could get up again. Well my question would be Have you ever felt like this? and I am trying not to go to the Dr., you know, I dont want to be a hyperc., but something went wrong with my body and then I got panic, not the other way around. I knew I was out of shape, but oh my god!!
I do carry xanax, to paranoid to take it because I dont want to feel drugged, but I have it. If things get really bad, like Friday, I take 1/4 of a pill,lol. Other than that I feel like I am so drugged that I cannot function. I dont know what to do right now. I hope the weather gets better, really rainy outside and that does not help. I want Spring to come already, I have high hopes.Thanks again!!

[pattylr]

What meds are you on, if you dont mind me asking? And are the side effects a lot? Does it help you to function better. I keep hoping that the magic pill will take it away, but most people even on meds are not cured. I guess, I am asking if you are working, driving,and functioning like a real person? I dont know what that feels like lately. I am really down right now because after my exercise session(you can read my post to ducky8, instead of me writing it again)I felt so bad and now I have a stomach virus or something and before that a cold and I think I have had to many knocks one right after another that I have not seen enough good days to keep me going. I really need more good days so I can fight the bad days, you know. Anyway, thanks for the responses.

[MrGreen]

The normal addictive Benzos. Klonopin and Valium mixes with Zispin ( Remoron ), which is an SSRI. Side effects? No. None at all. I think after so many years I am still afraid to let my guard down. So I won't even look for a job. Wouldn't like the situation it would place me in. Not saying I hate work. I do enough of that about this house and garden. I think once you have been a certain way for so many years you accept it as your normal lifestyle. You build a life around the condition. Things you can do. Things you can't do. After a while you forget about the things you can't do. They no longer exist. Your life is the things you can only do. Hence I asked would we know what normal really was? If we hadn't got the condition our normal would be different. If you understand what I am saying. Just hope things begin to pick up for you. You deserve a bit of luck in life.