will it get any better?

[gothic]

will it get better or only get worse? i have been like this for as long as i can remember and i am 25 years old with a husband and 3 children and 2 step children i am starting to feel as though i am starting to lose this battle for nomalness or at least a life in which ppl see me as normal i seem to only be getting more and more intense symptoms even though i am on meds for my conditions i use to be able to go to the store as long as my ubby or another adult went with me and i was fine then i started to have panic attacks before i would even get out of the car to go in and then i would have to leave before my shopping was done then started the dizziness and fainting now i get all out sick fear comes then hot and cold flashes and dizziness then i throwup right there in the store and pee my pants it is so embarrising my husband works out of state alot so i am stuck living with my mother n law cause i just cant be alone i have fears for my kids too its awful i dont ever leave them with anyone EVER!!! because i fear something will happen to them so they are with me 24/7 no matter what i stay inside most the time and even have a fear of my own yard i walk within 4 feet of my kids at all times so i can get them if something happens its hard for my hubby when he wants to spend time alone and i just cant i have to have the kids in the same room at night time when i am sleeping and i find myself putting stuff infront of the door so if one of the kids gets up and goes out the room i will hear them and wake up to keep an eye on them so they dont get hurt my kids dont seem to mind i guess because they are young and its always been this away but enough is enough i cant do this forever they will grow up and leave the nest one day and i dont know what will happen to me then i worry about everything bad that could happen at all times wether im awake of asleep i wake up having panic attacks when im nervous when ppl are around me i pick at my skin till it bleeds and like to be in my room when ppl are here to visit my n laws when i take my kids to the playground at the elementry school up the street i cant go till around 6 7 or 8 pm it takes all day just to work up the nerve to go and even then i have to take atleast 2 other ppl with me or i wont go and even then im still scared and find myself panicking and wanting to go home i am so tired of being like this i messed up and got the kids a pool BIG MISTAKE!!! now i have something else to drive me crazy i now cant let the kids in the living room without me at all times and i take them to the bathroom when i need to potty because i am so scared they will go out the door and drown i cannot drive a car i cant work and i cant be alone omg i just want to screem what did i do so wrong to deserve this and i know my kids didnt do anything i wish ppl could understand what im going through so i can stop explaning and start healing. i dont have a therapist right now cause i cant keep my appointments i never know when i will have a ride from my n laws and i cant take a cab its to scary for me my family doc works with me though so i still get my meds but i cant get real help till i am well enough to go to a specilest who deals with this kind of fears and turmoile. can someone help me PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Melon333]

The way that I got over agoraphobia was to force myself to do a little at a time until I got used to it.  It might have taken 2 months to go 2 blocks alone, but I had to force myself.  Start with just stepping out the door. Do it throughout the day.  Then go a little further.  A little at a time until you're practically bored with it, then go a little further.  One day, hopefully, you will regain your confidence.  In the meantime, I would take some precautions for the embarrassment of peeing in public, like wear incontinence pants, just in case, or a Poise pad. It would be 1 less thing to worry about. This is a slow and scary syndrome to recover from, but it will happen.

[gothic]

thank you for your comment i will try what u said about baby steps but i am so freaked out by the words baby step but i have to atleast try for everyones sake around meand mine as for the adult diapers and pads i just cant do it i have tried and cant even leave my bathroom with them on for fear that someone will notice i am wearing them i know they wont and i might sound crazy but i cant get over the fact that they will notice.... if u can think of anything else or know of any kind of treatment i can go through that will also help please let me know i am all ears god bless you!!!

[ducky8]

The best advice I can give you is to find a therapist right away who will come to your house.  Keep looking until you find one, and don't give up.  I've had a therapist come to my house, so I know they exsist.  
I think you're also suffering from OCD, so try to find a therapist who does cognitive behavioral therapy.   Those babysteps will pay off, I promise.  
And don't forget how strong you are.  You have to be strong to go through all you've been through and still want to fight this thing.  
I wish you the best.  
DUCKY

[benormal]

i have some symptoms i feel like people will notice or see i dont go out i cant be in public places cuz i think people are laughing at me cuz i feel like im peein my pants iv been tested for everything im negative im on anxioty meds prozac dosent do anything i also take syraquil and vyvanse the only thing that will calm it is alcohol and pain meds it drives me crazy i couldnt sit still in school cuz of it i got kicked out for skipping its ruined 2 years of my life the more i think about it the worse it gets im constantly checking my self to see if i pooped or peed i think people are making fun of me i think of the worst possible thing to happen in any situation i also have these symptoms to
think/feel like urine or somthings coming out of my penis
moist rectum
sweaty genital area
testical pain and tingaling
penis spasems
urgency to urinate
when i pee only a little bit comes out but i have more in me
burning sensation when i do pee
cloudy urine
pain in abdomin (abdomen)
musecle spasems
chills
loss of appitite
kidney pain
weakness in body
diahreia
pressure in rectum
shakey
white cunk on toung
night sweats

the doctors think its all in my head i use to be soo confident and now i dont have any i have a baby on  the way and all i can think about is how ****** of a father im gonna be like this and if i have some desiese my kids gonna get it , no one understands and im to emberssaed to tell to many people