At Wits End - What Can I Do ?

Hi, I'm new here and I need to vent about some issues I'm having with my husband,  he's always been a heavy drinker, but since he stopped methadone 2 years ago he drinks all the time when he's not working, he doesn't drink for breakfast but I've seen him grab a beer at 11am on an empty stomach and then just keep drinking more without food, his mother was an alcoholic and he wont accept that he's one too.

He is a shift worker and gets drug and alcohol tested so he cant drink before work so he makes up for it by binge drinking when he's not at work. He comes home plastered from the pub and then he goes straight to the fridge for more beer or wine and to top it off he has Hep C so I can't understand how someone with a fragile liver from Hep C can continue to drink excessively, he's killing himself  and I don't know what to do anymore, i've given him ultimatums but I don't follow through and leave, so I basically hate myself for being so weak, we have been together for 17 years,  no kids but I love him and can't imagine my life without him,.

When he's sober we have a great time together, he's not a nasty drunk either, he's always happy and laughing until he passes out, so it's just me doing the yelling and I'm ready to explode.  How can I make him stop?, forget AA and therapy groups because he doesn't even think he has a problem. I've asked him why he gets so drunk and he says "well what else is there to do, I've given up everything else, I need an outlet after work", he says he'll die when he's ready to die,  I just shake my head in disbelief and we end up fighting.

What do you do with people like this, i'm already watching my mother slowly die from cancer through no fault of her own while my husband is voluntarily killing himself and he smokes a packet of cigarettes a day. I think i've married a hedonist who refuses to grow up and is blind to the fact that he doesn't have the body of a 20 year old anymore, he's 53 and should know better and he plays guitar in a muck around rock band sometimes which is another reason not to grow up, it's like being married to Keith Richards but without the money.

Thanks for any suggestions. C.

[LORDINEEDHELP]

Hello im 41 and married for 18 years and have an alacholic husband that drinks pretty much every week every day I know he's an alacholic and so was his father(recovering) till he passed away from heart problems although deep down i believe my husband sees some what of what he does yet he is in denial and has left me and 3 kids to suffer for his alacholic use although like your husband he is never abusive in a physical way and just like you im pretty tired of being upset all the time nothing i say eaither has helped iv cried and yelled and begged him yet he has no clue the pain and hurt he causes well actually i know he knows he hurts me he just says mean **** and taunts me to make me fear he will leave on one day and then tell me he hates his life the next(he also is dealing with his isiter dying of stage 4 cancer and he will even use her as an excuse to drink and then say he hates his life(well latley i hate mine to) but i will say i love him and i always will the fact is how much can i take or you befor we cant deal with it as is your not alone hun and i have found support here on this site god help me i sure dont get it from my husband i tend to just cry alot and im being treated for depression and anaxiety although we go to councling for our marriage problems due to his drinking he wont to this day say it a problem so sad to watch since  deep down i know there is nothing i can do to fix or help this unless he wants to himself im here if you want to discuss things im sorry you are having a hard time but please know you are not alone please feel free to contact me and im glad to know youhave no kids un like me i have a 20 ,16,15 great age to realize your father has a problem with alachol right around the time kids start to experiment them selves very scary take care your in my thoughts and prayers and your not alone hun.

[Casper157]

I'm sorry for what you are going through too, it feels like we are talking to brick walls, I posted my question over in Alcoholism and I replied over there as well but basically I think it is genetic, my husbands mother was an alcoholic too, at least your husband can admit there's a problem and you are in counselling, is it working, what does the counsellor say to do about the drinking?

I got into smoking marijuana for a few years just to feel happy, but it actually just makes you paranoid and more depressed so I sometimes still smoke it but not as much as I used to, I've never been a pill popper, so I'm not ready for that road yet. My mum is dying and she lives in another state so I hardly even get to see her, it's all just caving in on me now. I made my husband book in for a liver function test a year ago and the results seemed pretty normal when we read the results but he never went back to the doctor to get the results interpreted properly, apparently a biopsy of the liver is the only real way to see if there is any damage, why don't you get your husband to have a CT scan of his liver, the results might shake him up if there is any damage.. My husband is booked in to go back to the doctor on May 12 so we'll see what happens..
Please email me anytime, and thanks for the offer of friendship, I do appreciate it.
I know all about the tears and the tantrums hun, these guys need some sense shaken into them. It's 1.15am here in Australia so i'm off to bed now, be happy and dont dwell on it 24/7, it's your life too and you deserve some happiness :)