This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend who admits she thinks she has a drinking problem. I am not the biggest drinker myself, and the most I will drink at a party is 3 pints usually, unless I was with her than that number might go up to 7 or 8, and I hate it! My family has had alcoholics in it for generations, and I hate the idea that my future spouse or children would ever have an alcohol problem. She is now in her early 30's and has been drinking every weekend until she is 'blackout' drunk' since college, which I understand as meaning she forgets huge chunks of the previous night. I used an online B.A.C calculator to find out that she might get close to .32 to .43 blood alcohol on any given weekend (Winehouse died at .40)! e.g. about 2 bottles of wine and 5-8 mixed drinks!!
On top of this she is a smoker and acts a little reckless in other areas of life sometimes.
And I love her for some reason, maybe because I do not have much dating experience and feel like she is the only one. I don't know if I can get back with her. I told her I just never want to have children and that she should move on (however that is a lie, I told her before that I do want children, I just don’t want them with someone who doesn't care about their health). I told her before that I can't believe she drinks that much and that her liver and brain are probably going to be destroyed from her habits, or she might get cancer. But I didn't mention alcohol as the reason I broke up. I thought that she should have gotten the hint at the real reason I broke up, since I always said I wanted children before. If she does not care about herself and her health, I figure that it will be extremely hard to change a bad habit.
She is still binge drinking to this day. I assume this is a lost cause and I should probably move forward and find someone new. I want a serious relationship and I want to make sure my future children have the best chance in life. I still love her though, and that emotion won't go away.
you should have told her why you left. maybe that would have made her think and maybe she would seek help.
either way, it is good you moved on and there are LOTS of women out there in this world.
you did the right thing.
You did the right thing for YourSelf to move on. I'm sure She is a wonderful Girl as alcoholics are not bad People, rather They very often good People with an addiction. BUT addiction to alcohol is a long, chaotic road and the entire Family is affected by the alcoholism. This I know is true. I am the Daughter of an alcoholic Mother. Drinking to "black out" drunk every weekend" is major. She is in trouble.
Even if You told Her that drinking was the deal breaker for You She may not be 'ready' to change Her life just yet (if ever). She already knows Her drinking is out of control but She's making the choice to keep drinking. One doesn't 'recover' overnight - it's an ongoing process, it's a rest-of-my-life commitment. She's not a good risk for Motherhood for a long time in the future - She's already in Her early 30's, She's a risk taker and a smoker - these are not good attributes to Mothering. This I know is true.
Now, as far as Her being "the only one" - there is no such thing as a 'one and only'. There are 600 million People in the World. There are many, many Girls You could love and just as many who would love You too. There are many, many People more compatible with You (same goals, aspirations. standards, etc., etc.) than the Girl You describe here. Love is a CHOICE and You can CHOOSE to love someone that You want to have Children and build a future with. There's no such thing as 'love at first sight' - rather, love builds and love grows. This too I know is true.
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