End Stage Alcoholic father with frequent hospital admissions

[CanadianBrit]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum and have spent some time reading posts but there are so many so I may be asking something already asked.
My father is 57 and was a heavy drinker from age 17-25 and then he went to rehab and was sober for 10 years. He had a good job, family etc but decided to start drinking again one day. It was a gradual decline over a few years and he was still working but got made redundant (not his choice) and then suffered from depression and didn't work for a couple of years. He ended up getting a job but never really did well and still continued to drink daily although he didn't get drunk and only drank beer in the evenings. At this time I was leaving to go to uni and moved out. My mum and Dad divorced while  I was at uni as he was having an affair with one of her friends and also drinking and withdrawing from the family. Since they divorced, he lived on his own but was still working and functional. things gradually declined more and he could not work due to panic attacks, anxiety and depression from the alcoholism.
About 4 years ago things got much worse, he started drinking lots more and drinking spirits. I live in Canada now and see him about once per year. He declines more each time I see him. He has no life, no friends and drinks vodka. He has been in hospital about 6 x per year for the past 3 years with pancreatitis and one recent attack of osoephaegal bleeding. He detoxs in hospital for a few days and then comes out and starts  drinking within 1-3 days and the cycle repeats. He won't get help and says AA doesn't work, nothing works.  I'm pretty sure he could die at any minute, how much abuse can a body take? He is anorexic and malnourished and had a bad car accident 2.5 years ago when he was driving drunk. He falls a lot, his memory is bad and he is losing his intelligence. He thought my sister was me one time (she is 18,  I am 30). Has anyone else witnessed this cycle and can it be broken and if not, how long will it go on for? he has enlarged liver and portal hypertension as well and he smokes and is addicted to Valium and has been for over 10 years. I feel like I am just waiting for him to die and I feel very guilty for that but I can't see him changing. I ask him to stop drinking a lot and I email him but he doesn't often reply when he is drinking.My 2 sisters do not see him and my mum does a bit but only cos she is such a nice person. He lets young people into his house to hang out and sometimes they have stolen stuff from him. Should he be in a care home at this point? I live abroad so I feel detached but that makes the guilt worse...

[auslady]

Hi !
iI can understand fully where you are coming from I nursed an ex partner of mine through alchohol withdrawals, after taking  him repeatedly to  the hospital with enlarged liver pancreatitus (pancreatitis) etc etc .  while he was going through this he turned into someone i didn't know. I t was horrible but I guess more horrrible for him. He  stopped drinking after nearly dying for 6 mths and then a relation got him back drinking again .I was so angry, all that for nothing so I  told him no more I  could not go  through that again so he left, we remained good friends  until the day he  passed (yes at 50) He had throat cancer and a lot of trouble with his  stomach. Until the day he  realises that he  needs help  or someone or something  gets through to him  there is nothing you can do to help. I wish I could offer you a more positive answer or offering. Take care and good luck

[rafe44]

I know the hurt you feel. But there is nothng that you can do. He has to be ready. My Daddy's Brother(my uncle) Whom i love so much,drank himself to death at age 47. 2 yrs prior to his death the doctors tod him that he was gonna die if he didnt stop. It was so sad. He has 2 young chidren and a nice wife. It as really sad watching him. I was 20 at the time of his death. It hurt my daddy really bad. So i know the  helpless feelin you have. All you can do is take care of you. So et some help and dont let his alcholism (alcoholism) control your life. God Bless you