History Repeating...mum died of chirosis and now my new husband is an alcoholic
Hi out there,
I don't know what to do. I have remarried after my first marriage failed with two children, My first husband had affairs, which damaged me physically. I met my new husband 3 years ago, but it turns out he's an alcoholic, or what some would call, functioning. He does not have children, and mine are now 15 and 14. We have a flat and my home, and because of his most recent binge, he's somewhere else and I'm home alone again. If he's not drinking, he's a workaholic. He has mood swings and can be really nasty. Is it time to leave? To add to this, my mother was an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, and she died of cirrhosis. I've tried talking, he's tried counselling and says he's quitting in the new year.
First off, I must say that I'm sorry you are facing this decision and reaching for help is a very wise yet hard one to make. Sad to say the decision you face is for you to make on your own. As a woman who went thru this with my mom 5 years ago I know the pain it causes and I wouldn't want to live thru that again weather it be with another family member, friend or husband. You mentioned he gets nasty. That's not ok. But very normal for someone who has drinking issues. He's quitting what at the new year? Drinking or the help? My advise would be to follow your heart. Support him but also let him make his own destiny. You can only help an alcoholic as much as they allow. Its a nasty desease. And another, when he gets nasty back off. Give him space. Even if that means leaving for a few days. Let him know where you stand. And don't be affriad to do so. Has he hit you? Or is it verbal? Both? Feel free to email me if you wish.
Sorry you're dealing with alcoholism in your life again. It can't be easy with impressionable kids around to watch. What does it say to them about relationships if you stay? I think you should go to Alanon, and maybe involve your kids if you can. I believe there is TeenAnon if i'm not mistaken. You asked if you should leave, and that he's talking about quitting in the new year. Well, it's the 10th of the month and nothing right? Alcoholics need support. There is out patient rehab a few nights a week, and then after care which is AA. If he's not ready for this or capable, you can either accept things the way they are, or leave and try to live your best life and maybe meet someone who doesn't have a drinking problem. You must have had red flags that he had a problem, that you probably ignored. Be more careful the next time, so you don't have to deal with this again. God Bless you for posting, and for trying to help. If an addict needs to hit bottom, then an intervention telling him that he handle this addiction or you will leave, is actually supporting his recovery, and not his addiction. That's the type of stuff you can learn at Alanon. You can also learn how to accept the disease and not leave. It's up to you, but please, take the first step to a meeting and let us know how it works out. I've heard that you need to plan on going to 5 or so to fully understand the process and what hey have to offer. Happy New Year, i hope things change for you, your kids, and your husband, one way or the other, in 2013. I'm also here should you wish to chat. Liz
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