How can i deal with an alchoholic mother?

Well what can i say my mother has always been great he was caring, responsible, and loving. In the past five months or so she has been quite addicted to the bottle. At first i was just like "oh alright only happened once" was in a house party of my parents. Then money was tight so she had a job in a restaurant/bar after this she would come home drunk nearly every night. My father works at night so he would just pick her up and go to work, but they argued a lot because of her situation. This got to the point where the family forced her to quit that job because well money can be tight, but family is more important. After this she would randomly get drunk she could not be trusted i felt like her parent nearly every night when she was drunk and i had to control her for completely doing something stupid, she often wanted to leave the house while she was drunk, was violent, etc.Things were so bad one time she left the house to go to look for a job and came back the next day drunk extremely drunk. My father at that point told her it's best if they seperated, but we convinced them to work things out. She blamed getting drunk because her half brother had recently died and her father was sick, but i was sick of her excuses. Two days ago she was drunk after an arguement with my father and it seemed it was a divorce for sure. Now she said's she is going to change, but she always tells us the same thing. what should i do i want to stay with my mother and father, but i just have a feeling she wont change i need help!

[ready2help]

You don't state your age but I am guessing you are young or at least young enough to still be living home. Bottom line - this is beyond your control. It is too much for you to handle.

You dad is the one that needs to take control of the situation. He can get her help. If she refuses, it is up to him to set the boundaries (draw the line on how he is willing to live). Parents are supposed to protect kids and provide a place where they feel safe and secure. It is very important that you calmly talk to your dad and tell him how you feel. It is absolutely unhealthy for you to be living with an alcoholic - if they split, you must go with your dad - I know that sounds tough, but you need a stable environment and lving with your mom is not stable.

Main thing is that you understand that this is not your fault, you have absolutely nothing to do with it, and you cannot change it. Your mom is an adult and responsible for her own actions. She sounds like she has the disease of alcoholism and is very ill right now.

Perhaps you can even suggest your dad communicate with others in the same situation, either by telling him to check out Alanon (an organization for families and friends of people with alcohol problems - this would help you, too!) or even to go to a forum like this.

Good luck - tell us how things go.

[bryan1291]

Well, I am sixteen soon to be seventeen, and yes i do understand it is not my responsability, but i just wished there was more i can do. You are also right if my parents were to split up staying with my father seems like the best choice since it's a stable enviorment, but i also fear for leaving my mother alone. My mother is now not an everyday drinker, but it happens atleast once a week whenever she has alcohol at her disposal or whenever she is permitted to drink for example in a family and friends gathering. She is always promising she will stop drinking, but everytime if there is an arguement or anything of the sort she goes and takes it out on the bottle it's quite frustrating and i hate her using that method to deal with problems. I just want her to get help either medically or talk to people who have gone through the same things as she is going through. Thanks for your help I really appriciate it.

[jml1986]

Sadly there is nothing you can do for your mom, she has to do it herself. I grew up the child of an alcholic, and then married one. Believe me if there had been a way to help either of them I would have done it. The only thing you can do is be there for her and understand it may take her a while to realize she needs help.

[slow_healer]

Try telling her how concerned you are for her well-being, and then distance with love. Whether you are home to take care of her or not, she's still going to drink. Losing her family might be a wake up call for her to realize what her drinking is costing her (but don't count on it). Distance with love, in that don't depend on her like you should be able to. She is not being the responsible parent that you need and deserve. And no, it's not fair at all to you, but that's not your fault.

Don't interpret this as "stop caring about your mom". People who've been in your shoes know that ultimately you will suffer for trying to fix her problem. This advice is to help you manage how her problem is affecting your relationship with her. Until she is genuinely willing to admit that she has a problem (specifically with turning to alcohol, not just the fact that someone died), there is not much you can do. She is living in a different reality than you are, as long as alcohol is her primary comfort.