This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
I need to know the answer to this question: "Why do I have a problem with his drinking?" Here's the story, as best I can tell it.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We have been living together for almost that long as well. Things moved very quickly for several reasons. I am 42, he is 25. Big age difference. I am no angel, by any means. I drink. When I was younger, I drank even more. I still like to drink, but in the last few months, I have become so sick and tired of his drinking, I don't even want to drink now.
He's not a typical 20-something drinker. He doesn't go out with his buddies and stay gone all night. I don't ever wonder where he is. He does not drive, he has very very few friends in America. He's always at home, if I do not take him to work. He is a cook, and a damn good one, so he cooks for me and is very attentive. He is quite messy, kinda like a toddler, but we all can't be neat freaks. He tries to please me by only drinking 2 or 3 40 oz Cobra's or a 12 pack, then going to sleep for a couple of hours, then waking up and doing it all over again. Today he made me take him to get beer at 9:00 AM. He drinks beer every chance he gets, mainly because I will not let him have vodka. I stopped that **** VERY early on. I was ok with his drinking in the beginning because I know you cannot change people. I didn't think it was that bad, I understand he is 25 and is still in that "life's a party" stage. I've been there. I knew going into this the age difference would be a concern but it hasn't really become one until recently.
Now, I am his Mom!! I don't have kids for a reason. I never wanted any. I'm just not that girl. I find myself bitching and nagging him all the time. I am always in a bad mood. Everything he does just makes me want to scream. I know the resentment is already there. I have told him a million times, I want to live alone. I don't want to break up, I just don't want to live with you. Of course, he thinks I just want to break up. When he tells me I'm old, I agree with him. Then I tell him that's why you need to find someone your own age. He is like an anchor around my neck. I do love him-don't get me wrong. I do, but I just don't want to live with him anymore. That being said, I am stuck. I have two college degrees and I deliver pizza part time making minimum wage. I have been looking for a good job since April. I have no choice, I need him.
So, when he asks me why I have a problem with his drinking I don't know what to say. He doesn't treat me badly. He doesn't beat on me or cheat on me or anything. He doesn't do anything but annoy the hell out of me. I am sick and tired of every single ever loving day him saying...let's get some beer. It's as old as I am.
Of course, there are details and incidents I didn't go into, but that's the gist of it. On a final note, in my previous relationship, I was the awful problem drinker (although I never drank EVERY single day) and I would always ask my boyfriend what the big deal was. I was not out running around, etc. I don't remember what he would tell me, if I did, I would use that comeback, but at least now I know how he felt. Must have sucked to have put up with me all those years.
You've asked a good question, why do i have a problem with is drinking? I found it was because it was like looking in a mirror of my past performance, one that i worked hard to change, i just had no use for anybody consistently living he lifestyle, i mean it's one thing working with alcoholics on a site like medhelp, but quite a nother when their sharing your bed or your couch. I'm exactly the same way, that's why my husband has the same quit date as me. I hope you find a way out of this problem child, and soon. Liz
Thank you for reading and responding to my post. All day everyday all I think about is how to get out of this situation. Every solution I come up with only hurts me. Because I am his sole source of getting him back and forth to work, and I NEED him to work, even if it is a 50 mile drive round trip, I can't afford to go anywhere. We live in a very small town outside of Nashville. I am already putting most of my pizza tip money back into my gas tank. I've actually even thought of wrecking my car on purpose, and hoping I get hurt in the process just so I can't get away and out of this situation. There again, that only hurts me. The only thing I can do at this point is ride it out, hope I don't strangle him in the meantime and when I am FINALLY able to leave, leave! I need to win the lottery...oh that's right...I don't play the lottery! Lol.
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