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How do I know if someone has a problem
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This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.

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How do I know if someone has a problem

My husband is a highly respected and successful. I am not sure if he has a problem or if it is me. He drinks between 2-5 drinks (beer and/or wine) every day. He gets super depressed and whiney when I ask him to take a day off. It seems to me that he can't take a day off. On weekends, as soon as it is noon, he cracks a beer. He will only do chores where he can drink (wash the car or mow the lawn). I have to beg him to help with any other household or yard chores. If we go out to eat, even lunch during the work day, he orders a drink. He gets drunk if I have to go out in the evening when he needs to be responsible for our son. He lies about his drinking to me and to his doctor. He hides his supply. He lies when he is drunk (somehow he thinks I can't tell). He believes that a huge wine glass (8-10 oz) counts as one drink. He believes that having 2 beers and 2 glasses of wine counts as 2 drinks (1 for the beer and 1 for the wine). He tells me that the wine is heart healthy.

But he never is abusive verbally or physically to anyone. He is kind and everyone loves him. In contrast, people consider me odd and I struggled to become re-employeed after 2 years during of being laid-off during the recession. In addition, I don't drink as it makes me sick and have never had a any desire to drink, so in social situations, I am the odd one.

So I want to be fair. I don't want to jump to conclusions because I don't know what it is like to want to drink. I know what it is like to want chocolate, but I don't think it is the same.

He got so drunk last Sunday when I was gone for 2 hours that I am now afraid to leave him alone with my son (this is not the first time he has done this). Am I being unreasonable? Does his drinking pattern seem normal? Should I seek help from his mom (whom I am very close to)?
4 Comments Post a Comment
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7052683_tn?1392942395
Hi Grace,

First, dear lady, know that it is NOT you. You are not being unreasonable. You have a pretty good idea of what kind of problem your husband has, and you are not the odd one out by not wanting to drink....Thank God you are one of the lucky ones.

I hate to say this, but in your heart and his, you both realize your husband has a problem with alcohol. I say problem, because there are many factors that make one  an" alcoholic". However his behavior seems to be that of an alcoholic.

I think what would be best for you is to visit your family doctor or an addiction counselor, explain what you already believe is true and ask for some guidance. There is Al-Anon and other support groups out there once you learn a little morea bout the "Alcoholic Mind" You will see for yourself how his behavior , in my opinion, is that of an alcoholic, perhaps in the moderate stages of alcoholism.

You know you do not have to be a street person, living out of a shopping cart to be an alcoholic. Many Very successful and famous people are alcoholics. I am sure to the outside world your husband is just a Great Guy! I was a very successful Great Gal--but I was a drunk. We drunks are excellent at the lies and behaviors we need to use to get our next drink.
After all that next drink is the ONLY thing that matters to us. We will sacrifice "EVERYTHING" for our new love--even our family. Please before it goes that far begin seeking help and understanding for your husband, yourself, and your children. That alcoholic's behavior will hurt everyone the alcoholic holds dear.

May I suggest you become acquainted with the "Alcoholic". There are numerous books out there, couple that with guidance from a professional and you will begin to see clearly , and perhaps even get thru to your husband.

Here is where it gets sticky. You Both will have work to do, because marriage is a work in progress to begin with, when love and family are involved it makes that work that much more difficult, when dealing with an alcoholic spouse.

Welcome to this forum, and talk to us. We have been where you are and are here to share our experiences in the hope of helping others. You are now one of those "others"

Sincerely,
CML

Either way it will not be easy! Love and family will be your strength.
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Thanks for the response. I went to aa today and they gave me the book to read. Still working on getting my spouse to go to counseling. I think, from what I have learned recently, we are in for a tough time.

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7052683_tn?1392942395
Hi grace,

Just checking in to see how you are doing. Keep us posted if you can, K?

CML
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Hi I have the same problem. My partner is an alcholic and and ex heroin user. We have 2 children and I dont like to leave him in charge of them.
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