How many chances does one deserve???

I need some HELP!!  I am 27 and I have been married to my husband for 9 years now.  He has a serious drinking problem.  I am constantly finding empty vodka bottles and 40 oz. beer bottles hidden everywhere.  For example, in the back of our comode, under the bathroom sink, and even behind our 5 year olds dresser.  I thought that he learned his lesson after spending time in jail for 3 DUI's.  I cant take this anymore.  I have left several times, but he keeps begging me back, swearing that he will never touch anouther drop.  This past time, I really thought that he had changed.  We were getting along really great.  We were in the process of buying a new home.  Well, on the day that we moved in, I came home to find him drunk.  We have 3 small boys, and they dont deserve to see there father this way.  He has promised all of us that he will never drink again, but it never happens.  We cant trust anything he says anymore.  All we do is fight.  I am miserable during the day, wondering if he will have alcohol on his breath when I get home. He has assaulted me several times in the past couple of years, but I never did anything about it, because I new that my kids wouldnt understand.  Everytime I tell him that I have had it with him, he starts accusing me of cheating.  I want out, but I am not sure which way to turn.  Does anyone have any answers???

[boogieman]

hi. your best bet is to contact al-anon. there are folks there that can help you that have been where you are now. take care,  gm

[AsYouLike]

I think it sounds like he's used up the last of his chances - unless he can get into a program for drink problems right now. It sounds like it would be better for the children to not have to grow up in that environment.

[boogieman]

hi. i was a bit rushed for time when i posted the first time and forgot to add----there are other people on this site going through the same ordeal that could help you as well. also you might want to post on the alcoholism page as it seems to get more traffic. once again, take care---gm

[Bob_D]

Everyone has their limits. I would have left after the first assault, so in my opinion you need to get away from him - now - for your own safety.

You don't say whether he ever tried AA. If not, after getting away from him, you might consider giving him one last chance with the requirement that he go to AA. No one I know who was able to quit drinking was able to do it alone. He also should be evaluated by a psychiatrist and a psychiatrist, attend outpatient treatment and enroll in his employer's EAP program if there is one.

As other posters have suggested, you should check out Al-anon to help you take the steps recommended above.

Don't let him make you miserable and assault you on top of it all. I'm sure he is already having a negative effect on this children.

Most of all, remember - you can't help him in any way. He can't get sober unless he really wants to, for himself first. If he doesn't, then cut your losses and start a new life without him.

[w177st]

Get out while you can!