This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
well hi, I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years...he is an alcoholic. he always has been. I didnt see it.
Why didnt i see the signs?..when we first met he would always turn up with atleast a six pack..we went out on dates where there was alcohol..am i stupid?!!..I am his 4th relationship, the others left after a few years aswell. but they didnt have children to him. ok so how bad is he?...pretty damn bad, im living with my own real life jekyl and hyde. And it sux!...he drinks as soon as he can..always beer.. he leaves for work at 6am, with his little esky with a six pack in it..and i know for a fact he drinks from the moment he gets through town as my daughter was with him once and he cracked a beer..it was 7am..ive been to work with him..he drinks on the job..he drinks all day..he has lunch at the pubs, gets more at the drive thru on the way out and more on his way home...rarly he has come home pretty sober..but of course he wouldve had something..but then theres the times when he reeks of a brewery, has a strange look in his eye, a different tone in his voice that signals to us, "just dont answer back, do as your told,".
he becomes sarcastic, narky, snappy at kids, insinuates stuff towards me...and worse of all is he is an arseholoe to my eldest son from a previous relationship,(also have a daughter from previous relationship who he is fine with and also 4 together) calls him a *****, has yelled in his face, threatened to "knock him out"..and recently kicked him because he wouldnt answer him...I have got between my children and him before so he wouldnt hurt them and admit that recently i have told him that if he lays a hand on them i will knock him out, thats if he can get through me first...he laughs..Im not scared of him anymore..i used to be..but not anymore..In the past about 5 years ago he went through a really bad phase..he would shove me against the wall when i was pregnant and threaten to punch me..he has pushed me down a few times and this one night he held a beer bottle above my head and was threatining to hit me with it..with my kids right there, he then wanted my ring off my finger and was bending my finger saying he could snap it if he wanted to..he then yelled that i probably enjoyed the sexual assault i experienced as a child..well the cops were called, he had a dv order placed on him and i was leaving..then he promised to change, he cryed, he stopped drinking as much..i stayed.also by now he had 7 drink driving charges.
And now here i am..over the last 4 years he has had episodes of being psychotic, he has slowly got worse and im watching him get worse, i dont want to sleep with him, and now he acuses me of having an affair..im not like that.he is an arse to my son again, he is an arse in his words to me and is even jelous of me talking to friends on the phone and has accused me of "talking to my boyfriends"....we are talking about a one minute time frame of texting my friend about her sick son..unbelievable!...we walk on eggshells, i warn the kids if i know he is in a mood and tell them to just do as they are told and not fight or be silly..i find myself hoping he will just die... and that makes me hate myself for feeling that...I want to leave..but then theres the times when he has only had a couple o beers...and he is ok.( this is usually in the mornings).he is nice. loving.. nice with kids..etc..omg..how do i get off this bloody roundabout!? How do you look a resonably sober man in the eyes, when he is nice, and say " btw im leaving"..I just dont know what else to do..he loves his own kids, he loves me..or does he..or does he just "own" me as i cant talk to anyone else.....far out..someone please take me away..
You have to make a choice...stay and die or leave and live. I hope you choose the latter. It is not good for you and your children to see him this way. You CANNOT save him. He could go to rehab, but he has to want to do that. There is NOTHING that you can do. He has to want it. I am sure you have been told this before....get yourself to an ALANON meeting as soon as possible. You need support and they will give it. Keep posting here. I hope I am not being too harsh...but your post made me cry for you and your children. I am so sorry for you. But, those are your choices. You have to make the choice to live in a world w/o an alcoholic. I hope you do.
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