Is my husband an alcoholic

[santolla2]

Is my husband an alcoholic? I'm terrified for him. He doesn't drink 4 days of the week. From monday to thursday he is sober. He will loose his job if he came in hungover. He knows that. HE's got a good job and won't risk that. But he has no life. He goes to work, comes home and plays on the playstation. It's like living with a deaf mute.

Then Friday comes around, my dreaded day! He's got a beer in his hand. And he doesn't stop drinking till Sunday night. He will crack open a beer in the morning on a saturday. Goes to the bar around 7pm, comes home around 6am.

When he lived in england where we lived before we got married, he did drink everyday. He didn't work tho. He was on government assistance living in a bar. I never knew any of it. I was living in a city 100 miles from him. I only saw him on weekends. Then we got married.

And what a suprise.... my husband drinks 24/7

But we moved to miami and I helped give him a good life, good job. We've got everything. no kids, good jobs and a place on the beach.

But he's an *** when he drinks. He doesn't hit me, but he kicks in doors, scream like he's gonna hit me, but he does not go that far. And he's starting to stay in bed all the time. We won't leave the house unless it's to work or the bar.

But if he's an alcholic, how does he survive those 4 days without?

Someone help me. I'm loosing my marriage? I told him sober up or get out. He wants to be a drunk, he can do it in england. I don't want to be married to an alcoholic anymore. I didn't buy into this. And I will leave him dispit the fact I love him. Cause I know it will break us up eventually, why wait.

[HarryK8]

I feel for you.  I am a sober alcoholic of 10 years.  In that time I have made a bit of a study of the disease.  Here are a few of the myths surrounding alcoholism.

1. Alcoholics drink every day.

This is not necessarily so.  Many, many, many alkies drink in binges stopping only when they are too sick to go on, and may stop for weeks.
Others only drink on the weekend.
Others never around there children... see where this is leading?  A lot of alkies have rules around thier drinking in order to maintain control in their lives.
Sadly, these rules disinigrate as the desease is progressive and over any given period of time, gets worse, never better.

2. Alcoholics drink in the morning.

Some do.  I did.  I had friends who didn't because they knew that once they started they couldn't stop.
See, that is the key...what happens after the first drink.  After I have that first drink there is no way I am not having the 2nd, then the 3rd and so on.

3.  Alcoholics have done bad things and feel guilty, that is why they drink.

Alcoholism is a disease.  Probably genetic (the gene has reputedly been found but there is enough anecdotal evidence to support the claim anyway.)

This list could go on.  Why not get yourself to Alanon, which is a support group for friends and family of alcoholics.  Hubby does not have to be a medically diagnosed alcoholic for you to go along (God knows the medicos have been wrongly treating alcoholism for generations).

At Alanon you will meet men and women with partners, children, parents, who are alcoholic.  Some will have their alcoholic counterpart drinking, like your man, some sober.

There is a bit of a trend in AA of which I am a member, to get family into Alanon asap.  What happens is the drinker becomes a bit more aware of the destruction they are causing, they see you getting better, losing your fears, taking control of your life, they see Alanon literature laying around, and then you know what?  Sometimes they call AA!

My heart is with you.  I would like to support you more.  Drop me a private message in my inbox and I will give you my email. I spend more time there than here and don't want to post my email on a public forum.
Love in sobriety
Harry

[penwill65]

I feel for ya 2, my hubby is becoming a piece of **** alkey tooo! Destroying my life and our families..!!!!!!!! They dont care at all after a certain point and the beer is all that matters to them, I found out the hard way................................Im currently living seperate desperatley trying to salvage marriage. But doesnt look good, hopeing to find some peace in my life once i get myself in good health..............and the comment the person said about a drunk drinks because he is guilty about something, I believe is very true..................................................

[cheekygigi]

I have been married 25 years this year. My husband has been drinking all this time. I was young and naive at first and it took a couple of years to figure out he drank too much. We have had numerous arguments in this whole time. I have had 2 breakdowns and my weight goes up and down all the time.
My husband suffered a heart attack at age 41. He was lucky and survived. He went off the drink for a little while and has been back in full swing. He is almost 50.
He drinks a bottle of red wine a night and then a couple of beers and lately has been adding a bourbon or 2. Well , that is what i get to see. He also has ben stopping via the pub on the way home from work but doesn't tell me. I noice he is late and have to ask. His excuse is he caught up with friends. He doesn't have that many but it is obvious there are other drunks there also. I have also caught him out spending our hard earned money on the poker machines. It is getting worse. He hides the bottles by emptying the trash before I get home from work.
He goes for drives in the car and doesn't tell me where. As much as I love him dearly, i am very frustrated. My children are now 20 and 22 and know their father is a hopeless drunk. Their partners know it and some of my family and friends do also. His family do not know.
He manages to go to work everyday, get home and drink till he either falls asleep at the table or the lounge. Weekends, he usually starts at midday. We can never rely on him to drive us anywhere. He is neglecting his househols duties/maintenance. He missed my daughters university award night recently because he had an argument with her about his drinking.
He has never hit me but abused me verbally recently when I hid his bottle of bourbon. My sister says I should leave him. Easy for someone else to say as he can be great (on the rare occassion he doesn't drink) and we have such a long marriage.
I am now looking for help. I am sooo confused. My children hate being at home. It is embarrassing and hurtfull. I always feel sorry for my husband. But his health is worrying me. He forgets things and liver tests have been out (he doesn't tell me all).
I lost my father a year ago and my mother has been diagnosed with alzheimers last week.I guess I am reaching out for direction and comfort.
Sorry to write so long.  

Yolanda

[Bob_D]

Yolanda,
I strongly recommend you get to an Alanon meeting as soon as possible. There you
will benefit from the support of people who have been in your situation.
There is a saying in AA - "Nothing changes if nothing changes". What are you prepared to do to not be verbally abused and married to someone who is "not really there" and is committing slow suicide as well?
Get him to AA if you can. If you can't, then get away from him, at least for a while. It
may be the jolt he needs to take some action.
I wish you - and him - the best of luck.