This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
I have been with my fiance for a year and a half now. We are a young couple and going out with friends for drinks has always been a regular weekend event. he would often say that after having a few drinks was when he felt himself. I never thought much of it...
About 4 months ago things changed. when he goes out he will binge drink to the point he cant walk, passes out, vomits all over the house. He tries to start arguments with me over nothing and screams at me about things that dont make sense, sometimes infront of friends. and creates situations he knows will hurt me. I have stopped going out with our friends, as i dont want to drink along with him. I make excuses to my family and girlfriends about our arguing. He tells me after each time that it wont happen again and says 'cant we just forget it happened.' he has shut me out completely and will not talk to me at all anymore.
He doesnt drink throughout the week, just binges 1 or 2 nights of the weekend, so he says he doesnt drink enough to be a alcoholic. And wont take me seriously when i try to tell him how much im hurting.
a couple days ago i told him to stay at his parents for a few days, in the hope he would see how serious i am, he said he was going to take the time to try and figure out whats happening.
the weekend he left he got drunk 2 nights and went out with 'friends'.....
since this all started i have been asked myself what i have been doing to make him so angry, so unhappy. ive dreaded every weekend, and avoided him so i dont say or do anything that he can yell at me about later on.
I know i shouldn't have to do this.
I love him with all my heart, we have had the big engagement party and expensive rings, when he isnt drunk, he is the most kind and caring and sensitive man you could imagine. i want to marry this man.
i dont want to leave unless i know there is no hope of it ever getting better. I want to be with him but i cant put myself through that if things wont change.
I dont know what to do, if im doing the right things, or if he is right, that i am blowing this out of proportion and i should get over it....
When I was doing what your fiance does, except planning arguing situation, the only goal of the whole week for me was to get drunk. Nothing else, and every person who said something to me due to that behavior made me angry.
Nothing is your fault. He is angry, he maybe thinks you just like to fuss about everything a lot, and exaggerate... And he don`t see what you try to explain him. That does not exist in his way of viewing things...
This is how it begins, but it doesn`t have to. For example, my friend is binge drinking every Friday and Saturday for 9 years. But I can`t be really objective about alcohol situations...
Someone with more experience will answer you and give you advice...
Ugh I know what you are going through, when I was with my alcoholic, I would actually get anxiety attacks come the weekend. Because I knew the binge drinking would start and it would just be a new disaster every weekend. After 5 years I got the courage to leave... I can say that it was a roller coaster that I stayed on too long for and my health reflected it. It's ok to take a break and remove yourself from the situation. Doing this will show them that you are serious and that you do have boundaries. Keep talking with us here and keep posting. Set your boundaries and follow through so they know you mean business.
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