This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
My abusive diabetic husband is killing himself w/Alcohol....
Husband is killing himself with alcohol..... at least that is what someone told me. I won't go in depth here, but I and our 9 yo son have been dealing with verbal and emotional abuse for 8 years now and I'm taking the steps (albeit slowly as I have just begun the process) needed to get out of the loveless marriage and him (our son) into a safer, happier environment. Anyway, one of the "things" is he has had diabetes since 1998. From 1998 to 2010 he never monitored, tested or treated himself other than taking his medication. Since 2011 when he was referred to an Endocronologist (he is 45 now), he has begun counting carbs and really watching his whole regimen and taking his insulin according to what he eats.
Now, the biggee, for years, he has drank 4-5+ drinks EVERY single day. He goes through a LARGE/plastic bottle of booze every week, sometimes more. He never gets drunk per se, but he sometimes this contributes even more to his abuse. He says he doesn't have a drinking problem (functioning alcoholic?) and will deny it until the day he dies which from what I am told isn't too far off.
How bad is this really affecting his organs? How long do you think he has? He's in otherwise good health, he quit smoking two years ago almost now. He does have high cholesterol and high blood pressure. You see in an abusive relationship, "they can do no wrong", so of course not only the drinking is ok, but everything that is wrong in our marriage is MY FAULT. I'm just curious - do you guys think this is true alcoholism? He drinks specifically booze - 4-5 drinks - with 3-4 shots in each one Thank you so much.
Blaming life's problems on the rest of the family is typical alcoholic "stinkin' thinkin'." Drinking when you know it's destroying your body and your life is typical of an alcoholic. Verbal and physical abuse, particularly when confronted about drinking, is also typical alcoholic behavior.
Yes, your husband is very sick, but only a doctor can tell him if his liver, pancreas, stomach, esophagus or other organs are damaged from both the alcohol and improperly treated diabetes. Generally speaking, if you worry that someone is an alcoholic, the answer is likely "yes." There are also a whole lot of functioning alcoholics and addicts out in the world. Functioning or not, they're still alcoholics.
My husband's doctors have told him for several years that he MUST stop drinking because his liver has had enough. It made no difference in his behavior other than to drink more out of fear. Alcoholics and addicts have to hit bottom before they'll get help, and sometimes that bottom is death.
I get the feeling you're still trying to help him even though you're taking steps to move on with your life without him. You aren't responsible for his health. He will do what he will do no matter if you and your son are there or not. Losing you both MIGHT shake him up enough to do something about his drinking, but that's not the reason you need to go. You need to go for your own sanity and serenity and to get your son out of the abusive environment for HIS sanity and serenity.
If you haven't tried Alanon, find a meeting and give it a shot. They recommend 6 meetings before deciding if it's for you or not. It's only an hour out of your life and it's run on donations from members only, so you have nothing to lose.
You might also want to sit in on an AA meeting just to find out what you're up against and gain some insight into your husband's behavior. Meetings labeled as "open" mean you can attend as an observer only and don't participate. One thing I learned is that simply quitting drinking isn't enough. That's what's called a "dry drunk" - a person who stops drinking but doesn't work a recovery program and get his personal demons sorted out. Relapse is all but inevitable.
It's time to get your focus off your husband and onto yourself and your son. Let Alanon give you a hand with that. I've been pleasantly surprised myself. :-)
He has every sign of a full blown alcoholic. What he chooses to do is up to him now. You need to take care of yourself and your son. Alanon is a great place to start. They will help you with the tools you need to start living again. You have lived in your husbands addiction long enough. There is nothing you can do to change him, all you can do now is change you. You dont deserve this and trust me, it isnt all your fault. I am a recovering alcoholic so i know the sick and twisted games he plays. Be good to yourself~~~~sara
Thanks for coming here first of all and posting this. It's very difficult when we have spent so long with someone and had to endure emotional and physical abuse during their stages of alcoholism. I am glad you are working towards finding a positive place for you and for your son. You deserve this now more than ever. And I would hate to say this but you might actually be helping your alcoholic by making such a move. I think the last loving thing I did for my alcoholic was leave them after 5 years. I soon found out though the roller coaster continues whether I am there or not. So I am grateful for the life I have now, there really is greener grass on the other side, lean on us all you can, we are here for you :)
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