My partner is an alcoholic and needs help

Hi everyone,
I'm not really sure what I am going to type so I am just going to do it and see what comes out. I am suffering on behalf of my long-term partner who is an alcoholic (and he does admit it but I'm not sure he really believes it). On a daily basis he is getting through at least 1/2 bottle of vodka. He is not working, he is living rent-free in my apartment and not contributing anything to the bills etc. I come home from work every day to an unconscious man - however this evening I have come home and there is (albeit feeble) evidence that he has tried to slit his wrists; first off I found the razors so I checked his wrists and there are some slits on each one.
Tomorrow morning he has an appointment at a substance mis-use place which I will ensure he gets to.
I'm not even sure if I have a question. The obvious answer is to kick him out and make him homeless but that's so hard. I don't want him living with me anymore - what can I do?
I love the sober man I started a relationship with but he has disappeared and been replaced with an selfish, manipulative liar. I have tried everything short of actually kicking him out - been nice and understanding, been angry, given him ultimatums etc.
I am at a loss and feel so alone....and it's not even me with the problem!

[evthing4reason]

How did the appointment go? Is he getting any help?If he is not you really have to consider kicking him out, he is no longer the man you fell in love woth and you are actually aiding him. If he is not working how is he getting the alcohol? Sometimes they have to hit rock bottom before the can really admit to thier problem, sometime that rock bottom is A LOT further away then you can imagine...it may be you kicking him out...it may be living on the streets and abusing even more then alcohol. As much as you don't want to kick him out, I htink you have to, for your own good. Living with an alcoholic is a lot harder then you realize it while you're going through it, it's after they are gone or sober that it will really hit you and sometimes it may even take a few years to realize the strain it was on you

[scotty2]

The first thing I would like to suggest is to get to Alanon.  Your last sentence said it is not you with the problem - true - You are not the alcoholic.  But just  just being with an alcoholic we have a tendancy to take on their problems and we try to "fix" them.  In Alanon you will learn the Three C's.  You didn't cause it, You can't control it, and You can't cure it.  You will also meet a bunch of people who have or are now going thru the same issues.  You won't feel so alone.   You'll hear stories and you'll think someone has an inside spy into your life.  The truth is anyone who has an alcoholic in their life suffers from the same questions.  But in Alanon you will learn how to take care of yourself thus letting go of the reigns and allowing the alcoholic to be responsible for themselves and their problem.  
Good Luck

[jacrad]

Hi guys,
Thank you for your responses to my post. He did go to his appointment last week but promptly drank himself in to a stupor when he left it. On Friday he went to stay with a friend - for the forseeable future. I have been ill all weekend with stomach problems and I think that really it is due to stress.
I will go to an Al-anon session - I have been looking for one local to me and I have found one but it's on a Thursday and this week I am looking after my sister's kids so I will have to leave it until next week.

By the way, evthing4reason - he is not working at the moment but he got a tax rebate for £1000 pounds a couple of weeks ago - and I've not seen a penny of it! I have no idea how much is left but the rate he's going Iassume there's little left.

Since he went to stay with his friend he has gone to the substance mis-use place every day and has not had a drink for 3 days now. Time will tell whether the thought of losing me completely will turn him around or not. I spoke to him last night and he was the man I love again - which makes it so hard!

Anyway - I thought I would update you both as you took the time to reply to my post.

Thanks, again.

[MlovesD]

"The man I love again." It IS hard. I have such a hard time being strong when he's being so sweet. Right now he's making it easier because he's ignoring me...or I should say, not talking to me but texting me everyday casual comments. I suspect he's drinking and feeling resentful towards me but not letting me go because he's not going to be the bad guy. I don't know. It just sucks! I don't think I am enough of a reason for him anymore. It's got to be him who decides he has a problem and really truly wants to quit. I'm at the end of my rope, but I have the hardest time letting go.

I'm sure it's a good thing for you right now that he's not there with you and doing it for himself. I don't think I'd let him come home until you're pretty darn sure there's some serious progress going on. My man was 30 days sober (I'm pretty sure) but still didn't think he had a problem and still believed he could drink when he wants...and will...and I'm sure he already has.

Mel

[Shrinka]

I know what you mean by not being the one to let go. I know he feels me drifting. It has been a slow stepping back and looking at the whole picture and I don't like what I see. But, I have a tendency to get sucked back in just by listening to his voice. I think I need to find Alanon to help me stay strong when I am so weak at times.
TTYL
Shrinka ( that is my nickname he calls me, it is really Shirlinka) Maybe I should get rid of that too. LOLS!

[mike242]

Your story sounds like my life. It IS frustrating when a person you care for deeply pollutes themselves with that devils water. Alcohol is a true depressant. Alcholism (alcoholism) is a disease that has some very serious consequences. I lived with an alcoholic "although functional" I in turn become addicted to this powerful substance.
I can identify with your frustrations and your partners. My current spouse is so fed up with my drinking and ranting and raving nonsense. That he packed up HIS stuff and left. Well I guess, I really lucked out because he came back to me. Understanding the disease and how it affects the addict and yourself is an extremely sensitive and confusing matter.
One word of advice. PLEASE don't believe whatever/if your partner makes hurtful comments while intoxicated. As hard as it is to believe as hurtful as it maybe. He DOESN'T or DIDN'T mean it.
Don't get me wrong we all have our underlying reasons to drink. How well do you really know him.?We ALL have skeletons in our closet. Childhood upbrining, adolescents-peer pressure social & economical status. WE ALL HAVE OUR SECRETS.
Some people have said that hypnotherapy will aid in a persons repressed memories so that one can confront the situation find closure and the motivation in order to lead a "NORMAL LIFESTYLE" Whatever that may be.!
I hope you, if you truly do love this man find it in your ownself to stand by him and seek 2gether the assistance  you's "will" require in order 2 rebuild your broken bond. 2 each their own. Alanon may be of assistance 2 help you cope with your frustrations.
At any rate I hope that in the end you will be happier and understanding the difficulties AN ADDICT ALSO experiences while attempting to maintain sobriety. IT IS A STRUGGLE.