No Father.

[minnewk]

Well it will be three years in July since my father's death due to alcoholism.  I was 24 when this happened.  He was sober for a few years when my sister and I were younger.  He began drinking again when I was 12 and by the time I went off the college my Mother had been through enough.  So when I was 22 they finally divorced which broke the family up.  I had to move home from college to live with my Mother and my younger sister and brother stayed with my Dad because they didn't want to leave him.  They soon both came to the conclusion that he was going nowhere fast.  They moved out too.  Then he lost his job.  He had numerous falls.  Cracked skull, shatter knee cap and a broken shoulder. The shoulder ended him up in the hospital for a extended stay.  There he experienced seizures and had to be put on a ventilator because he went to cardiac arrest.  These were all signs from his alcoholism.  He got to the point where he would not eat and just drink.  After two months in intensive care he passed away and he would have told you up until the day he died that he didn't have a problem.  WHAT??

I have now had my first living child and she is 7 months old.  Up until this point I have been forgiving and understanding of the disease.  It is a disease.  I have seen it unfold first hand.  I know some of you think that it is their choice to pick up that drink and I agree BUT he was in such a drunken fog that he couldn't see ANYTHING.  So ever since the birth of my baby I have gotten so mad at him.  His selfishness has robbed not only me but also my child of knowing him.  I have just gotten to the point now that I am a parent that I am pissed at my father.  Does anyone have any thoughts?

[trekrgirl]

Hi there, Congrats on your child, what a wonderful opportunity for you. I know you are angry at your father for robbing you and your child of of knowing him.  I hope you can look back at something in your child hood and find a happy moment with your father and hold on to that, share that with your child.  Being angry and hateful to his memory only brings pain and grief to yourself, I am not saying you have to forget or forgive but maybe try and let go of the hate and anger for yourself.  Yes you have lost a lot and been robbed of him and has your child however you have a child who loves and needs you all of you, if you let it, hate will consume you.  Try to keep in mind it is consuming and some cannot find there way out of  the fog, I truely belive most do not have the intention of hurting those that love them they just get lost.  good luck god bless.
M

[boogieman]

hi there. i too lost my dad to drinking. he died after 2 weeks in the icu. i held resentments over this for a long time but have found some peace through the principles found in al-anon, and i highly recommend it. the pain is real but so is the way out. take care,  gm