This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
At 16 years old, I can't say I've lived enough to experience true hurt in my life. My mother is a very amazing women, she treats me wonderful but when the poison touches her lips it kills me. I hear her and my dad screaming about the 15,000 dollars in debt she spent a few years ago when she decided living on her own would benefit her. My dad works over 80 hours a week so that she can abuse our family every night. I watch intervention and see the families that are on there and my heart aches. I see her and she is exactly like them. My dad and her got back together after she stopped drinking for a while. That was the best year of a my life and I can tell they loved each other just as much as when they first met. They wanted another child, and they had a beautiful boy which is the greatest thing I think we could have had. Over her 9 months of pregnancy she didn't dare drink. She didn't bother going back into the cycle for a good 4 months after my brother was born. He was born at 2 pounds, the sight of a little boy born 2 months early and seeing a strong beautiful boy now is amazing. She sat at his incubator in the hospital every night after work and was sober the whole time. When he came home it was great, my mom, dad, and me with a new addition to the family. Everyone was close until she decided to go back to drinking. I noticed she bought the wine I used to hide every time I found it. She started becoming her old self, the yelling, the abuse was back. I can't go on, I need advice. She can't stop drinking unless I have help. She is killing herself and ruining the life of her two sons and husband. This is a plead, for help and advice. Thank-you very much.
hi there. you are old enough to have the knowledge of pain, it tends to make us grow up a little too fast. what does she say when you guys bring to her attention how damaging her behavior is? or have you tried? i can tell you that until she wants to stop, she won't---but if she was able to stop for periods in the past, there is hope. how much does she drink? is it all day every day? how did she stop before? sorry for all the questions, just need more information to try and help you the best. there is a wonderful program called alateen that is for people in your position, as well as al-anon which is for all of those affected by another's chemical dependency. please advise and you are not alone. take care, gm
You are old enough as Boogieman said. Sorry to hear you have to go through this. I hope you continue to post as there is help and support here. Keep in mind she does not have control at this point, it has control of her, getting her to see that it is damaging to the family is really hard. They only see the alcohol and figure they are functioning normally. It does not occur to them the hurt they are causing to those that love them. Also keep in mind you are not responsible for her and it is not your fault.
hello , im sorry to here your going through this at such a young age im a mother of a 21 17,16 year olds and have been married to an alacholic for twenty years it was not always nasty but for over two years it was out of control and i can understand your feelings looking at them through my own chirldren thoughts and concerns, my husband did choose to go to aa for about two months i was happy and not as fearfull but since then he has stopped and back to drinking but nothing near the amount but the drinking itself has caused it own set of feeling not only for me but for my kids although they say they understand whats going on i know all to well the damage it can cause the family is huge please seek support maybe your father can look into alateen, my kids would not go they are more embaressed about that and want to keep it priviat yet if your reaching out this is the palce to start, but i cant say it has not effected the relationship with there father after seeing as much as they did watching there father act like a different person for almost two years totally loose it in front of them during the time he was acting out my kids clung to me and i tried to shelter them and i tried to hide the nasty truth till the day my 17 year old decited to tell me to leave him alone mom we cant help he has to want it i was really hurt through all this drama and still dealing with it today but i can say reaching out to others and friends and family will help you your so young yet so so smart to see both sides and realize this is not the mother you know and love stay strong for yourself and your brother and be open with your father hun it will make you see strength when you cant see any you sound like a knoledgable young man and to tell you that alachol is dangerous as are drugs they will take ahold of anyone and destroy them be care full at your age kids dont often get to see the nasty side of choices people make and the out come it can have your mother does love you she just needs help and she has to want it before you will see a change try keeping a journal it helps me with not keeping it all in side to build and fester and turn into more please be srong and if i can help u in any way let me know stay strong and its okay to feel emotionally its okay to be upset its oaky to tell your mother you miss her and love who she is when not drinking i would express those thoughts to her when she is sober and try to not blame yourself for feeling down an alacholic does not think past the next drink yet it does not mean your mother does not love you she does she just cant see things clearly right now i will be thinking of you stay strong and it took courage to reach out keep doing this it will help you more then you know and to gain the knoledge is to be aware of the truth,
Like everyone else has said, you are not too young to have experienced "true hurt" in your life. Unfortunately, it is those we love the most and who we feel should love us the most that are often the ones who hurt us the most. I am impressed at your ability to separate the alcohol from the mother you love.
I agree that Alateen could be very beneficial for you. Don't worry about keeping the problem private, everyone at Alateen and Al-anon is bound by confidentiality. You only have to share what you want, you don't have to share anything at all if you don't want. It is helpful to know you and your family are not alone.
Both of your parents are lucky to have a son like you and your little brother is lucky too! Please remember to take care of yourself. My motto for the last several years has been "if I don't take care of myself, I am of no use to anyone else." Keep looking for help, you will find what you need; it's not easy, but inner peace is possible!
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