Progress not Perfection

I always liked the saying in recovery rooms that says "Progress not Perfection."  It's a little slogan that I remind myself of daily or at times when I don't feel like I am making much movement in my life.

In recovery we can tend to be a lot harder on ourselves.  We expect to "get it" quickly and "get it" now.  But what we forget is that unhealthy behaviors were not established in our lives over night.  For some of us we have lived with an addict or an alcoholic for many years before we seek a recovery program.  So we have to keep this in mind when we are trying on healthy behaviors for a change.  It takes times, it takes patience, and we need to focus on making progress in our recovery not perfection.

Just wanted to put this out there for anyone that gets frustrated at times.  Maybe someone else can share what helps them in their recovery too.

[tschock]

Thanks, I'll keep this in mind when I attend my first session...whenever that may be.
For some reason I had it stuck in my mind that I would feel 100% better the moment I walk in those doors...but after reading your post I'm going to keep in mind that the "hurt" etc is still going to be there, and it's going to take awhile before I see any change.

I leave tonight to go to the town where my dentist is...by this time tomorrow "partial" recovery will begin...at least to my self-esteem.
I keep having daydreams/night dreams, that my new teeth are in place, that I can smile once again, and that I look good. In these dream states, I imagine myself being so confidant with my new looks that I have the courage to leave hubby. lol

I'm starting to think that perhaps he's trying to keep me ugly for that very reason. Maybe he realizes that if I had courage, self-esteem, etc that I would leave his sorry behind.
Maybe the dreams are part of the recovery process...enabling my mind to see things in a new light...getting my mind "ready" for what is yet to come?
Thanks again for that insightful post.

[Jaybay]

Too true seattle.  It's a process filled with teachable moments if we remain open to being taught.  There is no timeline.  There is no roadmap.  We humans rebel at being forced to look at our own behavior and question it.  I think it's especially difficult for family members of alcoholics.  The alcoholic/ addict already feels guilt and shame and knows his behavior is harmful and it has to change.  Family members however, often begin the process thinking, "I didn't do anything wrong.  I don't have to change, it's the alcoholic in my life who has to change."  Wrong!

There are always bumps in the road where recovery is concerned.  I'm just now understanding that it's how we react to those bumps that is the most important thing.  The bumps aren't the problem; it's how we deal with them.  Falling back on the old behaviors that got us to this miserable place may feel comfortable because it's familiar, but doing so won't keep us moving forward to a healthier and more sane life.  It's not easy in the midst of a crisis to stop, breathe and think about what to do differently, but it can be done.

I remember reading the thread you posted a few months ago about relapse being a part of recovery.  That was before things chaged in my house and I have to laugh at myself looking back on how I reacted to that message.  "Wait just a minute!  I thought getting sober and staying sober WAS recovery and now you're talking about relapse being a part of recovery?!"  It made no sense back then, but it sure does now.  LOL!

[tschock]

Progress? Perfection? Recovery?

Will it ever come?

First the doctor won't/can't help...then Al-anon...then the psychiatrist...and now the dentist!

New girl "forgot" to send my impressions in...at least they called to let me know before traveling 4 hours in the heat...wasting gas, time, etc...nice of them...have only waited since I was 28 to be able to smile again...what's another few weeks?
Shrinks assistant emailed too...said she could not find anyone in this area to sit for me so I can attend the meetings...can life get any better?
Was soooooo sure that I was going to be starting soon...what a let down.
So when does the recovery start exactly?
If it starts when you first reach out for help...then I've been in recovery for about 44 years. lol
*Groan*

As per your original question about what works for us...What helps for me is H.O.P.E!!! Cause it's all I've got to hold onto...and it's worked for me thus far.
If there is no hope, there is nothing.

[seattlemom2plus]

lol I love your post and what you shared.  I so often thought of that as well, "wait a minute we are in recovery and now you are going to tell me to expect relapse!"  For every few steps I take forward I have to be aware that I can expect myself to take a few steps back at some point in my own recovery.  Same goes for the addict/alcoholic.  I always laugh too, if you thought my expectations were high of my addict/alcoholic, you should see the expectations I have on myself, lol

I discovered that I didn't have very many expectations of the alcoholic.  If anything I was more patient with them and patient with their recovery than I was of my own.  When I turned the tables on myself and started to treat myself like my own friend then things changed for me.

It's not just that one meeting that "cures" us.  It's the patience we have to start our recovery now and to continue the process in ourselves regardless of our loved one's sobriety.  The whole point in pursuing recovery is to understand that we are a separate entity and we do have choices and responsibilities that we owe to ourselves to be happy.

When we focus our lives on one other person or the drama around that person, we let go of ourselves and our identity.  Recovery is about gaining this identity back regardless of circumstance and regardless of hurdles.

Don't give up tschock, keep coming back :)