This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
My girlfriend and I have been together close to 4 years now. We are both long-haul truck drivers, we drive together as a team. A couple years ago she started having a "nightcap" after her shift, one or two drinks to help her sleep. Since then it's exploded to basically drinking as much as possible as often as possible; she's careful not to drive drunk, at least as far as I know, but other than that if she can drink she does. If we're parked at a truck stop waiting to pick up or deliver a load, she'll go through five or six big cans of 4Loco (something like 12% abv) or a pint or two of Fireball whiskey. What has me wondering if I'm the crazy one is that she's become so adept at hiding it, from me and her friends and family and even herself that I think she honestly believes that she drinks about 1/3 of what she really does. She has major bouts of anxiety if she thinks she may not be able to get a drink after her shift, to the point that she will stop halfway through and hide liquor in the truck for when she's done for the day (this is highly illegal btw) and if I say anything about it she explodes.
I'm really not sure how to proceed at this point. Is she really an alcoholic, or just someone who really likes to drink? Am I a jerk for thinking she may be one and wanting her to slow down the boozing? How do I juggle my loyalty to her with my fear that she'll do something stupid and DUI an 80,000 pound semi truck? And for me the worst part is that she treats me like garbage when she's drunk, which is practically every day now...the amazing woman with whom I fell in love has been replaced by Ms. Hyde, and I can't stand being near her. Should I stay and try to help, even though she's hurting me at every opportunity? Leave and hope she doesn't completely self destruct? I just don't know anymore.
I am very moved by Your post and how very articulate You are in Your observance.
Yes !! Your GirlFriend is an alcoholic !! MUCH of what You said here convinces me but to sum it up in a nutshell: Your GirlFriend's PRIORITY is alcohol - more important to Her than Her relationship, Her job, the law etc. If You still want the relationship I would offer Her an ultimatum - Me (us) OR the alcohol. I would offer to be supportive and do everything in my power to aid and assist Her but I would INSIST on sobriety or I would be out of there.
I have to agree with the mighty TtinkK, your wife from your description is an alcoholic and what you have to know is that alcoholism is progressive and by the amount that she drinks she's not only on her way to a DUI but possibly a vehicular manslaughter charge, or maybe not manslaughter since she is cognizant in drinking copious amounts of liquor. The fact is that if she is imbibing at night in a rest stop she probably already has driven drunk, but moreso, has probably been blacking out (you know when she treats you like garbage, she probably feels no guilt over it because she can't remember doing it.).
Yes, you need to continue to educate yourself, maybe you can watch the show Intervention, and see what an Intervention looks like. The fact is that you are aware that she is insisting on carrying alcohol in the truck and that is highly illegal, so you need to put a stop to that right now. If your wife insists on bringing alcohol, you need to leave her at home,and get yourself another partner if you need to . Or do the runs yourself.
You will need to tell her that you cannot allow her, no way no how, to EVER GET INTO THE TRUCK WITH BOOZE AGAIN.
Please buddy please ,do that for us , out here. Okay? My husband's best friend was in jail for over 10 years because he caused an accident that killed his work partner. If you have any kids, they NEED you to be uber responsible for them, and if you don't , please do so for my kids..???
We're here to help you every step of the way. The thing is and it bares repeating, life as you have known it is OVER. i'm sorry but your work partnership may not ever exist again. You cannot let this alcoholism progress because of money, The fact is, that it will get far worse before it will get better. Please think of this alcoholism as a terrorist, and know that you are the only one that can stop this from becoming deadly, It's a big responsibility, but i can tell that you're the man for the job.
And , you have friends , many alcoholics like myself that would be saying the same thing to you, as it really is your only choice.
You're going to have to fire your wife and let the authorities know that she's a drunk, if she doesn't go for treatment herself.
What else can you do ?? She has left you no other choice!!! but to do the right thing.
I'm here if you feel like talking. As I mentioned I m a recovering alcoholic, and i think your wife is blacking out already. and she just doesn't know it yet. That's end stage alcoholism, and now is when it's get's really dangerous. I have to admit, I ran a red light drunk and on crack cocaine, and put a cabby through a bus shelter and smashed his face all to hell. What could your truck do for damage????
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