This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
Hubby quit drinking one week and one day ago. This is his third time to do this.
I know his weaknesses...or should I say weakness? His brother! The last two times he quit he did just fine...until he would see his brother. His younger, spoiled rotten, greedy little brother.
Their parents show severe favoritism to his brother, and he can do no wrong.
I told hubby that in order for this to work, he was going to have to avoid seeing his brother for awhile.
The first time was almost 4 years ago. He was doing really good...drinking fake beer...( which I didn't agree with, but he said he needed to do it his way, so I let him ) and his little brother decided it would be funny to pour real beer into the fake stuff...slowly...then, within about two hours he handed him a real beer...and he started drinking again.
Last time was two years ago. He was doing REALLY good. Then his brother thought it would be a good idea to start applying the pressure. Hubby is VERY weak. He will do ANYTHING his little brother says. I think he's afraid of him. DH has always been a very small man. 5' 5". Little brother is closer to 6 feet...and twice his size around.
He used to beat him up when they were younger.
There has always been strife between them. DH has always had to work at being a son...little brother just has to smile at mommy and daddy. His bro and SIL ( esp her ) seem to want him to fail. I think they're afraid that if DH does quit for good that mommy and daddy may love him more...and that they might fall short on the inheritance...ugh. Yes...to his SIL it is ALL about the money...sad but true.
Anyway...anyone have any advice that may help him to beat this AND his brother?
It sounds like your husband truly wants to quit, so he may be open to doing the things that are suggested to get it going and keep it going in the right direction.
He has to recognize that he needs a psychologist to understand his family of origin dynamic and how to change the status quo. In order for this to happen, he has to admit that his brother does not have his best interests at heart. Is he capable of understanding this?
He should be talking to an outpatient rehab, where he will attend for a few days a week. This will give him a proper foundation for long term sobriety. They expect you to go to meetings, meet clean and sober friends, get a sponsor and get involved. He will have an ongoing addictions counselor in rehab also.
This site is very helpful to addicts getting clean. Maybe he can become a member here, and gain support from other members as well. I'm clean and sober for 13+ years now, only because I did all of the above, other than Medhelp, which I just joined relatively recently, but I see that it's a huge source of support for alcoholics and their family. Message me if you want to talk privately. Thanks for posting. I'll look forward to following your posts.
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