how do i stop enabling

i know i should stop helping my son but i just cant

[boogieman]

hi. not sure exactly what you mean, but i assume you mean assisting with his suicide on the installment plan as i call it. once someone has crossed that invisible line into self destruction via chemicals, the outcome will take them to places that are not easy (and sometimes impossible) to escape from. in recovery these are generally referred to as jails, institutions, and death. the longer the addiction continues, the greater the chance they will end up in one, if not all of these. as long as the person is able to continue the behavior without experiencing repercussions, they will keep going until something gets in their way. no one ever went to rehab because they were still able to manipulate or pacify loved ones, the courts, employers and friends. the greatest catalyst for change is pain, and many have to be hurt badly before they are willing to get help. many alcoholics are "loved" to death, literally. your best resource is finding a local al-anon group. there you will find other folks dealing with the same issues that will gladly help you. meanwhile, i'd suggest checking out some of the other posts on this site from people who have been or are where you are now. best of luck,  gm

[boogieman]

hi again. sorry, my two remaining brain cells are fighting again. i meant to welcome you to the forum. this is a good resource for feedback on all sorts of issues! take care, gm