This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
Ok... I'm gonna put this out there... This is my second marriage. My first husband was addicted to both drugs and alcohol - and he was abusive. He dumped me (his wife) on the street so that he could go after a hooker that apparently did a better job at attracting him than I did. I recovered, found out the guy had conned me into a marriage that wasn't legal. So, I put my life back together, and moved on without him. So, when my current husband wooed my heart, I didn't notice the subtle signs of alcoholism until we had been married about a year. I figured a beer or two a night wasn't that bad a deal... but, 2 became 3, 3 became 4, 4 became 5... and now he gets drunk on a nightly basis after he gets home from work, and on the weekends. He's a truck driver - and has problems with anxiety. He's on meds for it, but now we are starting to consider the possibility of an expanding family - and he wants to stop drinking. Problem is, he addicted. He craves beer. How can I help him without being an enabler?
A/A meetings are great for those who want help. Also, do not allow him to bring alcohol of any sort into the house, or keep it in the fridge. If he wants to drink, he can do it in the yard. Also, make it clear that you have no interest in sleeping with or having sex with someone who has been drinking. If he drinks, his bed is the couch. What I'm saying is this: you have to generally make your disapproval of his drinking very obvious, to keep him motivated to stop. MAKE SURE that you give him all the love and attention he wants whenever he is sober, also. This reinforces his will to quit, because you show him love when he is sober. And PLEASE do not consider expanding your family until this problem is resolved completely, to your satisfaction. Bringing new life into any thing less than sober parents would be unfair to the baby. Blessings, and i hope have been of some help - Blu
If he has decided to quit, he can. He will need support from loads of AA meetings and your support to go with him to ( open) AA meetings would be great. If he talks about feeling like drinking remind him how awful it was to be addicted. Go places at night when he would have usually been drinking, he'll really enjoy this new freedom now to drive wherever he wants. Go for ice cream or shopping for a game or book, etc, something enjoyable to him, or something you can do together. If he can go to a recovery program, it would be a blessing for his recovery. Take time to see he doesn't decide to go back to drinking again before you start a family. He should stay away from drinking friends and events in his early recovery. After 20 months sober for me, I still stay away from all drinking friends and environments. Discuss these things with him, its a lifelong commitment, us alcoholics can never drink again. If he wants to really quit, he can. Best wishes to both of you.
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