This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
hi ive been with my boyfriend 4 ,, 2 years nar ,, im 20 and he is 29 is always drank alot but its every day now ,, he carnt sleep with out a drink he cant eat with out a drink he carnt go no where with out a drink ,, he as no sex drive which i keep finking is it just me but he says its cos of the drinking ,, is this true ? he shows me no love and were always argueing it feels like all he cares about is having is beer ,, if he hasnt got no beer hes really quiet and dont talk ,, i just feel like he doesnt care about me ,, can you help me please ? :(
He is a drunk and you are young. It wont get any better, only worse. You can not help him, he will only bring you down. I tell you this because, I am old, I have been there! They say they want to quit , but they dont. And they wont. You can do everything in your power, and it wont be enough. Drunks are not happy unless they have a drink. They stink. They make poor desisions , they lie!
Get out while you can. You can do better than dat! You are hearing this from a woman who wasted 3+ yrs of her life in a sexless, loveless relationship. I quit drinking, I quit hanging w/anyone who drank, I was nice and respectfull to him. I took him to church, the shrink. He told me everyday how fat I was 120-138 lbs, (he was the fatty!) He told me everyday how stupid and worthless I was (he must of been talking to himself in the mirror?) He beat me. Most of the time I was able to get away from him (because he was drunk and I was not) In the end he gave me a disease, which I am trying to get rid of. Get out while you can. Dont waste your life on him...You cannot and will not help him. Theres plenty of fish in the sea!;0)
as the previous lady said, the best thing you can do is to lose him unfortunately. The harder way which could destroy you emotionally is to talk to him and try to get him to open up, never yell, never raise your voice you have to genuinely care, if he talks out his frustrations with you without a drink in his hand, thats the first step in a long process that could last you your whole life. You have to tell him how his drinking makes YOU feel. again never raise your voice, don't do it aggressively, be sincere. Tell him that his drinking scares you, that you worry about him. but this part is not about him remember that it's about you. Tell him you are worried you don't feel he cares as much about you anymore, that there's no sex, speak about how his drinking AFFECTS YOU. Ask him if he will see a couples counselor with you and if he would be honest and take it seriously if you did.
I'm a son of an alcoholic dad and alcoholic step mom. I've completely lost a father figure in my life due to his abuse and I can only see my mom once every few months.
I recommended taking the easy way out. dump him. It won't be easy to leave him, but over time it will be more than worth it for you.
You sound, just like me. I'm 20 going on 21, my boyfriend, of going on three years, is 27 going on 28. He drinks, a lot. I buy him the booze, and I also enjoy drinking. He has a sex drive, just at the wrong times, like all the time. I'm a waitress three days a week, and I go to college four nights a week. He doesn't work, sits and home, and drinks the booze I purchase. We live at my parents house, on my paycheck. I know he loves me, but he doesn't love himself enough to love me right. I understand the disease, I tell him he just has to show some effort in wanting to change. He just signed up for the out patient program on the fourth floor of our local hospital to deal with his depression. He has never hit me, or hurt me physically, but his words sure can cut like a knife. The worst part of it all, is he doesn't remember what he says. I love him, but when he's drunk I want to be completely away from him. I would love for him to go to rehab, I'm halfway there to convincing him. We'll see what happens. Good luck with yours!
Definitely great posts here, I think anyone that has been affected by alcoholism can relate to what has been said. I think the one frustrating thing for me at the time I was involved in a long term alcoholic relationship was the amount of people telling me to just move on. I understand now, but at the time I wanted a solution where we would "both" win. That unfortunately did not happen, but I can say that if you believe in someone and in the relationship it is possible if you are both willing to work on it.
I think taking the time to initiate changes in yourself first is a good start. I first made a major change and that was to stop participating in drinking with them. That only condoned the behavior. By doing this it helped me evaluate whether we still had things in common that a relationship actually needs to survive.
In regards to the arguments, those were literally about 5-6 days a week. I stopped practicing not participating. That can be hard to do, but it does have a huge impact. It's hard for someone to argue with you if you don't argue back. Certainly helps if you don't enable them, not purchasing alcohol for them, or supplying them with the money to get alcohol. It's ok to define your boundaries. Taking baby steps can mean leaps of healing later on.
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