This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
my boyfriend is an alcoholic, should I leave him or help him?
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years he has always had problems with alcohol.After two years of being together her started physicaly abusing me after drinking,although this has not happend again for several years he still becomes very violent and verbally abusive.I love him with all my haert and dont want to give up on him but i dont think that i can keep on living this way.. What should I do?
Leaving him has to be up to you , but I will tell you that abuse of any kind is still abuse and noone has the right to abuse you. Sadly, love can not help an alcoholic, and if you stay in the relationship for love, you will most likely get hurt. The cold hard truth is you can't help him, he has to help himself, and he won't do that unless he is ready.
I take a simple position on this: in light of his history, especially the violence, I would give him an ultimatum - treatment or you're leaving. Only do this if you are prepared to go through with the leaving part. If he goes to treatment and truly gets sober, I would not marry/commit further till he has at least a year of continuous recovery under his belt.
Otehrwise, you will live like this forever - it will not get better, only worse, the disease is progressive, you probably know this by now
Oh, and I would go to Alanon. Interesting thing about this disease - the denial extends to the significasnt other as well. Get support!
Wow I thought I was reading my profile on my friend....I have been with this man
for about 5yrs. I met him a bar and we became friends. I fell in love with this person,
if you would call that love. Ive helped him with driving him around town. He has never hit
me unitl 2wks ago. We were fighting aout something stuipd. I have told him dont you ever
hit me again. Why cant I leave this person? Im such a better person than this. I dont drink anymore. Im currently seeking a third kidney transplant and going on interferon in
august. He always wants me to drink with him, but I dont. He knows what Im going through also.Also Im on dialysis 3 times awk. He quit hes job and now he is living in a hotel. He wanted me to stay in the hotel with him, but I said, Im not doing this. The motel is so dirty. We currently have a cell phone together too. When things dont go hes
way, he goes down south. Than something happens down there and than he calls me to
help him, which I do. I want someone in my life that is good to me. He does not drive and Im getting sick of driving him places. Just this wk I told him was not going to see him everyday. He thinks my life revolves around him and it dont.I currently lost my job last yr and Im not disability. So I dont have the money to do things. My money is tried up with bills. He gives me money for the phone bill and I have to drag money out of him for gas. He knows that he is better person when he is not drinking and I cannot change him, unless wants to. We are friends with benefits. But the sex has stopped. Could someone give me some insight?
Many years ago I had a severe drinking problem and was told if I didn't stop the man I was living with would leave me. I stopped and he stayed and the rest is history. Give him one last chance and if he doesn't stop you should move on.
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