23 and I fear I'm an Alcoholic

Hello,
I am a 23 y/o college student, and began drinking heavily my freshman year.
Friends and I would always get blackout everytime we could find alcohol, but I feel college binge drinking is not uncommon.
Now I live alone, and it is my last year of college.  I nearly failed all of my classes this past semester, which is quite unlike my previous semesters where I would get high scores.
This past semester I can't remember four straight days I went without drinking.  It may have been two beers, it may have been 18, and it never really mattered what day it was on.  Every monday I would refuse to drink, until on the way home from school I would say, why the hell not?  And along with every day.  Oh, then it's the weekend, all of my buddies want to drink, so I need to participate......

I just took two days off of drinking because of an extreme 36 hour hangover (after what was probably 10+ straight days of getting 8+ drinks), and now tonight I'm already on my 5th beer and trying to think of good reasons why not to get another 6pack after I finish the rest in the fridge.  The only reason I'm thinking twice is my health.  I feel like a hypochondriac..  I have chronic lower back pain which coincided a few years back when I really took off with drinking.  And now my gastrointestinal system is always gurgling and churning, and lately the past two days Ive had terrible diarrhea.

I feel like my problem has not reached alcoholism, as I can take a few days off, but every time I take a few days off I feel so proud of myself I feel I should have a few beers and celebrate.  Cycle repeats.

Any ideas?  I'm not sure I'm ready to stop, but I'm not willing to compromise my health.  (I know you can still drink and not be ill!)

Really I am looking for advice on ways to really subside urges during the week.  I feel like I could still get drunk on the weekends and be fine?  Any words welcome.

[PinPinPatrick]

Well let me tell you I am 26 years old now and have mostly just done the weekend binge drinking my whole life since I was like 17.  I have developed alcoholism, probably not as severe as some people have, but I've definitely developed it.  I get shaky, it peaks on the third day, I had some liver pains, and get nauseous especially on the 3rd day.

From what I know you can only develop alcoholism, you can't undevelop it, once you push it to a certain point it's there for good even if you quit for like 10 years.

Trust me, in life alcohol will only make you worse off... When you drink you get dehydrated and so your brain actually shrinks and it is a visible difference if the brain were to be scanned.  This causes you to forget things... so you are in school you probably forgot shitloads of stuff just  by getting drunk.  And if you get drunk on a day where you just learned some stuff, you can't get REM sleep when you goto bed and so you won't be able to remember or develop the stuff you learned in a day if you drink later on that night.

Not only that but at your level of drinking your liver is storing all that excess alcohol as fat... think of marble cheese, when that fat is used up or burned... btw liver fat is much harder for the body to get rid of... but when it is used up you get a hole there kinda like swiss cheese.  Now that area may develop back to healthy liver cells, or it may develop scar tissue or a little of both, either way the original structure of the liver has been damaged permanently and that is something you will have to live with.  

I can't really say drink or don't drink because I struggle with alcoholism myself... and I know all this stuff and yet I had still gotten myself drunk!  But let me tell you I'm emotionally unstable and depressed... I am going to do what I can now to stay sober.

Well I hope that helps, but at the end of the day though it's only you who is controlling your body to drink or not drink, or maybe it becomes the alcohol that ends up controlling you.  But wouldn't you rather be in control?

[youkilledKenny]

Hey Dnoc,

I'm not going to make a judgement as to whether you are or aren't an alcoholic, but I can say that it sounds to me like you are on your way. Don't mean to be a downer.

You probably could still get drunk on the weekends (assuming a reasonable intake i.e. NOT blackout drunk) and be reasonably fine, although any excessive intake will eventually take it's toll. However, that's only if you could still get drunk ONLY on the weekends. That's the problem with alcoholism- it is a progressive disease. You might be able to muster the will power to do only weekends for a while, and then cheat a little b/c hey, the Monday night game is on, or it's a friends birthday, and then cheat a little more and more. Then you retrench- "I'm going back to weekends only", until you find another reason to cheat.

You're 10+ days of 8+ drinks will turn into 14+ days of 12+ drinks. You'll find your 36 hours hangovers are becoming 72 hours hangovers, and maybe you'll drink during the hangover to release some of the unpleasantness, which will get worse each time.

You'll get a girlfriend you really like, and when she finally tells you she's sick of your drinking, you'll start it hiding from her, or dump her unless she dumps you first. You'll keep it relatively under control for her. And when she leaves town you'll rip into a bender (which is what 10+ days of 8+ drinks followed by a multi-day hangover is). And when she gets back into town you'll have to find creative excuses as to why you won't eat, why you can't sleep for 4 days, why it sounded like you were puking in the bathroom.

And you'll keep progressing... or you'll quit.

Dnoc, I just gave you a short adaptation of my life for the past few years. I'm 31 and have not had a drink in 3 days which is the longest I've gone since August. And for the first time in my life have decided to quit for good and pray that I am successful. What you wrote above in your post was me at 25...

My only last advice is to Google "Alcohol Withdrawal". The worst of it is where I'm headed if I can't stay sober, and where you're headed if you can't keep your drinking only to weekends.

Good luck in your decision and hope this helps.

[ibizan]

the last 2 guys here have given u good advice.after all u described u r still not ready to stop?jeez!alcohol....cunning baffling and powerful.......how much further down could u sink that would make u want to stop?

[rod44]

You need to visit your GP or family doctor and get the lower back/gastric problems checked out, this could be early kidney problems.....

Next time you see some drunk laying on the side of the street, stop and think, they were once like you, they wondered if they had a problem.
Only you can know if you have a problem. Be honest with your self, is drinking causing problems?

[narla]

I rationalised my drinking too,because I could go days without anything,but as I got older the drinking became worse,In the end I was drinking 10 to 12 strong spirit drinks 7 nights a week alone in my bedroom,
Even at this amount my addictive brain was convincing me I wasn't an alcoholic because I didn't drink during the day,I only drank after 5pm,held down a demanding job,and never neglected my children.
I stopped for 9 months through both pregnancies and for 12 months after a brain haemorrage,so I told myself how can I be an alcoholic if I could stop when I had to,I was fooling myself.
After 34 years of the drinking getting worse every year I had a blood test and found out I was damaging my liver,addiction sneaks up on you,by the time you realise there is a real problem your habit is that ingrained into your lifestyle it is really hard to just stop.
You are the only one that can say if your drinking is a problem,but if you are worried now then I would take a long hard look at what you are doing..
Deal with it now don't wait until you have health problems it just gets harder to stop the longer you drink.

Good Luck and keep talking,let us know what you decide

Denise  

[Dnoc]

Thanks for all the kind words.
I can relate with you naria, as I was slightly beating around the bush somewhat.
It wasn't untypical for me to have 12-18 beers, 7 days a week, a few weeks in a row.

I'm a really big recycling person, and after you have more than 12-12 packs sitting around the kitchen it would make me start hiding the boxes around the house before I could get to a recycling center.

I really want to stop for my health and my future.  What do you guys do when you really WANT a drink?  Like those times when you are alone, bored, and nothing sounds better than pounding some beers?  I need to find some better activities or something to keep my mind away from the liquor store

[rod44]

It has been a few years now since I had a craving for a drink, the physical craving will get less and less but it is the emotional crap that will drive you back to drinking, if you get angry, sad, or depressed you could end up drinking. I go to AA meetings most days, this helps to keep me focused, I enjoy my life today and I dont need a drink to do so. I have people who are long time sober that I can contact if I ever get a craving, these ppl I met in AA.
Everyone who has been down this road will tell you it gets worse and not better if you keep drinking, you may slow down your drinking for a while, you may stop for a few weeks or months but on less you deal with issues that will lead you back to drinking you will have an uphill battle to get and stay sober.....


Ray

[Punkinhead75]

I've heard it said that being an alcoholic isn't determined by how much we drink, how often we drink, when we drink, or even what we drink.  I was told to look at what happens when I drink.  Could I stop after I had one?  Could I stop period?  Did I blackout?  Did I get angry or violent?  Did I hurt others?  Could I remember where I was or what happened?  Do I get sick?  Do I do damage to myself?  These are just a few of the questions to ask.  Especially the first one.

At some point we put so much alcohol into our systems that it becomes poisonous to us.  Our health begins to suffer in many various ways.  

I want to keep drinking but I want my health too.  I have found it very difficult to stay healthy while putting poison into my body.  Eventually I had to choose.  

Early sobriety was tough for me but with the help of others who had gone through it before me I was able to trudge through it.  They gave me practical advice that would help in my daily living.  Then they taught me how to live with who I am and learn to be happy and enjoy life without the booze.  Once I got cleaned up a bit my relationships got easier to deal with.  I became better able to focus on my job and even performed better which led to promotions and raises.  Life is Good today.  

[youkilledKenny]

Dnoc,

Boredom was my biggest enemy in my progression into alcoholism. It started that I would drink heavily when I was bored (e.g. when my wife was out of town, weekdays I'd be home alone in the evening, and would just starting drinking while watching TV or web surfing). And I could see it being especially hard with you living alone. Once I got into that pattern of getting wasted when I was bored, it started sneaking into my life when I wasn't bored, but wasn't supposed to be drinking (i.e. hiding it).

My first suggestion would be AA. Find the website for the local AA chapter- they should have a weekly schedule. Anytime you get a craving you can always there to hear stories to remind you why you are quitting. I'm not saying you have to go to a meeting anytime you get a craving- just know that that resource is always there for you.

My second suggestion would be to check out your University's student health center- they should have a completely confidential alcohol couseling resource, whether they provide something in-house or can point you to community resources.

My third suggestion would be make sure you have a gym membership (something to get you out of the house and around) and when you get a craving, work it out on the weights or cardio- try to replace your obsession.

Finally, I'd consider opening up to a friend or family member. You don't have to tell them all of the details, but living alone you're going to have a lot of time by yourself. You should have someone who knows how important this is who can help you plan other activities to get you out of the house.