8 months sober and no change

Hi all,
I came here for help nearly a year ago, the advice I recieved hepled me alot and I have been keeping an eye on the forum ever since, this has also helped knowing that people do stay sober and live normal happy lives. My thing is that I dont seem to be able to live or enjoy life normally or happily. My doctor has put me on zispin (antidepressant) which I have been taking for the last 3 months, it dosent seem to be working, I still feel terrible all of the time I have thoughts of suicide regurlarly and just feel like I will never again smile or be able to relax with my own thoughts. I suppose what I am asking is :is this normal for a recovering alcoholic? how do I get out of this rut?

[rod44]

Hi addict63,AA meetings here are the same as world wide, I would not be alive today were it not for the fellowship and the wonderful people I have been blessed to meet in the rooms over the years.
Hi Sammy,
I have always found the meetings friendly but like everything you have good members and idiots, stick with the good members and forget the others. When I first went to meetings I felt like I did not belong, I was comparing my self with the members who were sharing and thinking this is not me, my problem is not that bad, I felt my problems stemmed from my depression, I would in time realise that my depression was due to drinking and the madness that goes with it.
You dont need to share your problems during the meeting, have a chat after the meetings the members are good listeners.
Have you got a councillor, you could call  Arbour House ( this is a on-residential addiction treatment centre ) and they can advise you on this.

Ray

[ibizan]

u don't say if your remaining sober/clean?attending a support group?any personal problems going on in your life?

[rod44]

Hi Sammy, if you have thoughts of suicide you need to get medical help, talk to a family member or trusted friend about this...getting sober takes time and hard work, the depression will lift but you may need some help, are you still getting to meetings?
Talk to your GP about the meds, they may need to be changed.
Understand that most here have and continue to have problems but with time it dose get better, you may not want to believe that but I know from my own experience that it takes time.


Have you tried Aware ( http://www.aware.ie/ )  I did use it when I first got sober.....

Ray

[sammy60]

still sober, been to aa a couple of times but I cant see how it will help me in the short term, I know aa is not a quick fix I also find it hard to go and open up to people in that kind of setting. My personal problems are a result of my miserable attitude. My partner cant understand why I dont want to talk or why I am so distant, this causes big rows. I have a million things going through my head and trying to control my thoughts and emotions(trying not to crack up) really takes its toll on me I really think I am going to loose control of my mind, head in the hands and shakes

[Addict63]

Sammy,

To echo ibizan and rod44, are you going to AA meetings and are you an active member of the fellowship? Once we know, it will be easier to address your concerns.

See your Doctor immediately about your thoughts of suicide.

In AA I've been through the 12 steps and they turned my life around. I got a sponsor, worked the steps, chaired meetings, sponsored ppl myself, and got real active in the meeting circuit. I'd never try staying sober by letting my own thinking fix my own thinking. I need others.

Can't do it alone. Glad you're reaching out for help on here.

I hope you feel better very soon.  

[sammy60]

I am not an active member.

[Addict63]

Sammy, I have no idea how AA meeting are carried out in your country. I do know that I get a lot out of being with other alcoholics just like me here at our meetings. Our fellowship is a group of people, all equal, solving a common problem we all have by simply sharing our experience strength and hopes with each other.

[Burrpatch]

If, as you say, your 8 months sober and there is no change (I assume you mean your miserable and unhappy) then It's time for a change. If I read you correctly you are NOT attending AA or receiving any other kind of support. It is vital that you do. Without support of some kind your days of sobriety are numbered. Many millions can testify to this.

You say that, "AA is not a quick fix". Your right there my friend. It is a program with 12 steps to live by. One day at a time. You did not get to your present state of misery overnight and I'm afraid you will not be cured overnight either.

You also say that you, "also find it hard to go and open up to people in that kind of setting." -- Again, your right. It isn't easy. Spilling your guts and soul for all to see isn't appealing to most alcoholics, but here's the trick. You don't have too. Just sit and listen to the others there. I think you will find that many if not all are very much like you and they did or do have the same difficulty's you are presently experiencing.

We alcoholics are an independent lot and the very last thing we desire is to have to lean on another for support, but you have come this far and by your own admission you feel pretty terrible and overwhelmed. What you are doing isn't working. Go to a meeting, sit there and just listen. When your time comes to speak, tell them your there to listen and you'll pass. They will understand and encourage you to come back and listen again.

No harm there, is there? Do you want to get out of this "Rut". Then listen to the people share their struggles at AA. Listen to everyone that has posted here that have been where you are and that KNOW support is a vital part of your recovery. Without it your just hanging on and waiting for the inevitable fall.

It's not easy to surrender your will and to reach out for a helping hand such as AA offers, but it's easier than going 8 months on your own and I can assure you that if you go to a meet and at least just listen to what others have to say that it WILL become easier. One Day At A Time.

I wish you the best of luck with your continued sobriety. God bless!!  ~ Burrpatch

[boogieman]

Amen

[rod44]

Hi addict63,AA meetings here are the same as world wide, I would not be alive today were it not for the fellowship and the wonderful people I have been blessed to meet in the rooms over the years.
Hi Sammy,
I have always found the meetings friendly but like everything you have good members and idiots, stick with the good members and forget the others. When I first went to meetings I felt like I did not belong, I was comparing my self with the members who were sharing and thinking this is not me, my problem is not that bad, I felt my problems stemmed from my depression, I would in time realise that my depression was due to drinking and the madness that goes with it.
You dont need to share your problems during the meeting, have a chat after the meetings the members are good listeners.
Have you got a councillor, you could call  Arbour House ( this is a on-residential addiction treatment centre ) and they can advise you on this.

Ray

[sammy60]

I would like to thank all of you for the advice, I will start attending meetings this week and see where that takes me, thanks again.

[enocenip]

In their great book Alcoholism, Drs Gitlow and Peyser warn us that lack of improvement in life after booze is a big factor in relapse. We think, "Gee, if I'm no happier sober, what's the point in being sober? At least if I'm drinking, I can be 'happy' once in a while."

We need to make a conscious decision and plan to create a happy fulfilling life. As you know, AA lays stress on the personal inventory. If I sincerely try to be a better human being then I will believe inside that I have a right to my share of happiness in this short life. Alcoholism and drug use frequently stem from a self-destructive impulse. Sometimes people hurt themselves in the mistaken belief that people will respond and solve their problem, whatever it is. They might respond, but only the addict can solve the problem.

But another reason is people may feel they don't deserve to be happy. If you believe you are a decent human being who deserves to live and be happy and has something to contribute to the world, you won't want to harm yourself by drinking. I think that's why, in AA, people help themselves by helping others. You can't do one without the other.

I don't believe any drunk can be sober long term unless he is pursuing something positive in their life which he can focus on every day.

Indeed, that positive thing can be a determination to get and stay as healthy and fit as you can, and this is the second point.  I read a book by a Japanese doctor who figured out an innovative way to chart people's happiness level before and after a two-week fast under his supervision. All his patients showed spectacular improvements in physical health, obviously, but in their mental health and happiness in particular. Life became a joy.

Even if you don't fast, the point is if you don't eat unhealthy food, if you don't take any drugs and get plenty of exercise and fresh air, keep regular hours and get enough sleep, your happiness has got to improve. Some people consider me a fanatic because I eat no processed food, no dairy, no animal meat or products whatever, with the exception of 'small' fish from time to time. But hey, our bodies evolved to eat the natural food found in nature. There's an obesity epidemic because food nowadays is made out of garbage. If people stopped consuming it they'd lose pounds without trying, feel and look ten years younger and be ten times happier. And if you want to know why there is all sorts of garbage in food that you don't know about, get on YouTube and punch in "Marion Nestle." Or read her book "Food Politics." That will make you so mad at the food industry that you'll resolve to eat healthy. That's all it takes. Learning what foods are healthy is the easy part, provided you can read.

Surround yourself with beauty and uplifting sights, sounds and scents. Walk to work, and through a pleasant park. Get some plants for your window. Keep your home clean and decorate it in a style that gives you comfort. Turn off the news and for a while forget about the world you can't change anyway. Read or watch some uplifting stories, like the greedy businessman who, after a near-death experience, became a counselor helping other people turn their lives around, or like the pilot who brought down the plane safely in the Hudson River safely after the engines were disabled by a bird strike. Focus on the beauty in the world. Some people do meditation or self-hypnosis, or gardening. Try what works for you.

But you've got to get happy. You've got to get yourself happy and on track to a fulfilling life one way or another or you will always be in danger of falling right on your face again. You've got to be sure your life is ship-shape from your finances to your health.  I've recommended this book before and I will recommend it again: "10 Steps to Positive Living" by Dr. Windy Dryden. A real jewel.

Sorry if this seemed like a rant. -- Take care.

Glad to see someone here from Cork. I've got ancestors from Cork and Waterford..

[ibizan]

Thank You for the right on the button comment.....can't add much to this...it says it all and so true!:)

[his3707]

Hey friend, It really does take some time to start to feel better. Of course we all have that cloud nine feeling some days sober or so because the fog is lifting and we feel hopeful.  Then life sets in again.  The tempations are there.  Those slippery slopes.  The worry and anxiety and doubt.  Very important to take it one day at a time.  Sometimes an hour or a minute at a time.  That is when AA really comes in.  You can  have a sponsor that you can call  .You know that right now you are in AA just being in this group.  You are talking.  You are looking for fellowship.  You are reaching out of your rut.  Just keep grabbing those hands that are reaching out back to lift you.  In AA you will find happiness.  It will be different than any of the happiness you thought you got from getting high.  This happiness will keep giving back to you real love.  real laughter.  real life.  drag yourself to a meeting. have an encouraging friend drag you when you just cant drag yourself.  Hey, the folks at AA will come and get you if you need them to.  I promise you that!  Keep going and if you fall get back up and keep going!  You will make it!