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Alcohol induced psychosis
This might not be the appropriate community, but there is not one for psychiatric. I'm looking for information on alcohol induced psychosis, or alcohol triggering an underlying mental disorder and manifesting in an acute and highly volatile way.
Basically, the person I've been dating for over a year is a pretty mellow person. Things are falling into place now as I remember comments made by his friends. He's always said that he used to get into trouble when he partied which is why he doesn't go out or drink in excess, and when he does drink it's not a lot and he goes to sleep. At an event the other night he got so drunk in a very short amount of time and became someone I don't know. He was mean, aggressive and cruel. He had a physical altercation with a stranger and said things to others about me and to me that were so unjust and degrading. Before I knew what he said to others, I tried to calm him down and at one point I was afraid he was going to hit me. He was talking to himself and mumbling on the cab ride home.
He has said that he turns in to a different person and hasn't done that in years and that's why he doesn't drink. The person I know is quirky and can be incredibly moody, but overall gentle and kind to others. A few times before when drinking he made comments about me and other men or when my phone rang said it was my other boyfriend but I swept it under the rug. My concern now is that he could either have alcohol induced psychosis, and around me its coming out in delusions or jealousy....or that he has another mental disorder that he masks or controls that is triggered from alcohol.
He swears up and down he doesn't mean or think those things, and I just can't see a way that he can possibly feel that way. I know I don't deserve to be verbally abused but that doesn't mean I don't care and don't want to get him help if he needs it.
Basically, the person I've been dating for over a year is a pretty mellow person. Things are falling into place now as I remember comments made by his friends. He's always said that he used to get into trouble when he partied which is why he doesn't go out or drink in excess, and when he does drink it's not a lot and he goes to sleep. At an event the other night he got so drunk in a very short amount of time and became someone I don't know. He was mean, aggressive and cruel. He had a physical altercation with a stranger and said things to others about me and to me that were so unjust and degrading. Before I knew what he said to others, I tried to calm him down and at one point I was afraid he was going to hit me. He was talking to himself and mumbling on the cab ride home.
He has said that he turns in to a different person and hasn't done that in years and that's why he doesn't drink. The person I know is quirky and can be incredibly moody, but overall gentle and kind to others. A few times before when drinking he made comments about me and other men or when my phone rang said it was my other boyfriend but I swept it under the rug. My concern now is that he could either have alcohol induced psychosis, and around me its coming out in delusions or jealousy....or that he has another mental disorder that he masks or controls that is triggered from alcohol.
He swears up and down he doesn't mean or think those things, and I just can't see a way that he can possibly feel that way. I know I don't deserve to be verbally abused but that doesn't mean I don't care and don't want to get him help if he needs it.
I'm sure that he didn't mean what he said, when he was drinking. I hope that you two are in a better place very soon. No one is perfect, and in all relationships it takes time to get to know a person and all that goes with them. Don't feel about offering alcohol to him. Now that you know better, i'm sure things will get better for you both. Hopefully he knows enough now to quit for good. If he is having any difficulty doing this, it would help him to go to AA. and you can also support this. There are open meetings where you could go with him, but of course, the hard work happens in the closed meetings, where alcoholics talk about their problems among themselves.
All the best to you. Let us know how things are going.
All the best to you. Let us know how things are going.
I hear Your hurt and my heart is heavy for You.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that You and Your BoyFriend can resolve this latest situation but I do think it will take much work on His part to address His 'problems'. You sound very supportive and that will be helpful to Him but You don't 'owe' Him. You must put YourSelf first because an addiction or an addictive Person will pull You down also if You are unaware of what is going on.
Don't feel guilty for offering Him wine in the past. MANY People do not have an issue with alcohol and are able to control the amount They drink (Your 85year old GrandMother, You, and many others) and it is (was) not Your responsiblity to know He had an issue with alcohol. It was HIS responsibility - He knows there have been past issues with His alcohol use, so He should decline to drink.
I do feel as a partner we should be willing not to drink ourselves as a willing, loving, supportive gester if we want a relationship with someone who is an alcoholic.
At the very least, I think You've been apprised of how serious an issue this situation is, I think Your eyes have been 'opened', I think You are aware and that You will beware.
One more note, From everything You have said here about His behavior while under the influence of alcohol translates to the fact that He should NEVER drink. The behavior is a SYMPTOM of the alcohol - there are other, many more symptoms that You/He do not see BUT the behavior alone is a HUGE clue that He should NO, should NEVER drink any more. The behavior is a RESULT of the alcohol - the alcohol is not a result of the behavior as the behavior FOLLOWS the injestion of alcohol - not the other way around.
That being said
I Wish You All The Luck In The World With This Situation
I hope from the bottom of my heart that You and Your BoyFriend can resolve this latest situation but I do think it will take much work on His part to address His 'problems'. You sound very supportive and that will be helpful to Him but You don't 'owe' Him. You must put YourSelf first because an addiction or an addictive Person will pull You down also if You are unaware of what is going on.
Don't feel guilty for offering Him wine in the past. MANY People do not have an issue with alcohol and are able to control the amount They drink (Your 85year old GrandMother, You, and many others) and it is (was) not Your responsiblity to know He had an issue with alcohol. It was HIS responsibility - He knows there have been past issues with His alcohol use, so He should decline to drink.
I do feel as a partner we should be willing not to drink ourselves as a willing, loving, supportive gester if we want a relationship with someone who is an alcoholic.
At the very least, I think You've been apprised of how serious an issue this situation is, I think Your eyes have been 'opened', I think You are aware and that You will beware.
One more note, From everything You have said here about His behavior while under the influence of alcohol translates to the fact that He should NEVER drink. The behavior is a SYMPTOM of the alcohol - there are other, many more symptoms that You/He do not see BUT the behavior alone is a HUGE clue that He should NO, should NEVER drink any more. The behavior is a RESULT of the alcohol - the alcohol is not a result of the behavior as the behavior FOLLOWS the injestion of alcohol - not the other way around.
That being said
I Wish You All The Luck In The World With This Situation
Thank you for your story and feedback. Yes this is the first time I have ever considered that he might have an issue with alcoholism because we both drink wine and beer socially. I have no problem not drinking around him and clearing my wine rack. I am now feeling guilty for all the times when we sat down for a movie and I offered him a glass of wine, it's not an excuse but having a glass of wine or a beer is a cultural norm for me- my 85 year old grandmother has one miller high life just about every night while watching the news.
I have not spoken with him since the day after the event because the things he said to and about me that I found out from others were just that horrific and he said he feels too embarrassed and uncomfortable with himself. We are taking some time. I don't want to be angry but being publicly degraded will take some time for me to get over and I need to get myself right so I can put it in the past and not harbor hostility. I know he is so ashamed and said that he is so angry with himself because it is incredibly dangerous when he gets like that. In retrospect I should have called one of his friends for help so he could have a better understanding of how terrible it was, or understand the seriousness of the the situation but I just wanted to diffuse and minimize.
If we are to move forward he is going to have to be open with me about any diagnosed issues (I did see red and white pills one time) or about his behavior and actions when he drinks and be willing to address this.
I have not spoken with him since the day after the event because the things he said to and about me that I found out from others were just that horrific and he said he feels too embarrassed and uncomfortable with himself. We are taking some time. I don't want to be angry but being publicly degraded will take some time for me to get over and I need to get myself right so I can put it in the past and not harbor hostility. I know he is so ashamed and said that he is so angry with himself because it is incredibly dangerous when he gets like that. In retrospect I should have called one of his friends for help so he could have a better understanding of how terrible it was, or understand the seriousness of the the situation but I just wanted to diffuse and minimize.
If we are to move forward he is going to have to be open with me about any diagnosed issues (I did see red and white pills one time) or about his behavior and actions when he drinks and be willing to address this.
Addictions Therapy is not a hard sell. When an addict or family come in off the street make inquiries, the therapist and the people in AA say, Come in if you can admit you are an alcoholic, If not, go back out there, and see if thing can change. With an alcoholic, things never change, and as many millions can attest to in AA, They Keep Coming Back. It comes to feel like home to an addict who has openly admitted they have a problem that they cannot control.. Recovery becomes their norm, just as sober friends become their necessity. That's why the rooms are full, they are full of friends that accept that it's okay to go without alcohol for the rest of their lives.
I just re read your post, and realize that you have been dating for a year. So you are not living with your partner as of yet. These then are what they call red flags for you to decide what you wish to do and what you will accept or not in your life. It might take commitment on your part to help him, as that is always the job of a loved one. And you've come to the right place to talk to those that have been affected by the actions of an out of control drunk.
it is noted that my husbands ex wife chose not to become involved in the family portion of her husband's recovery in fact she openly drank in front of my husband and it has to have triggered his relapses.
My own mother, although responsible for raising four children in an alcoholic and abusive home, refused to become involved in the family portion of my recovery.
When an alcoholic finally reaches their last drunk, they can often have nothing to do with the alcoholism is called a "family disease" as such. What the family of the alcoholic do affect the alcoholic, just as what the alcoholic does affects the family.
The denial that happens in this family disease, is not the sole property of the alcoholic, and it is not always happening for seemingly altruist reasons either.
The good news is that you are considering possibilities and asking professionals ie. recovering addicts, family of addicts, etc. We that have come through alcoholism and have committed to a clean and sober home and life, have raised ourselves above the possibility of unknown danger. If it is not done, it is often the kids that fare the worst. While spouses are thinking how this turn of events is effecting them and reasoning how they wish to put a term to or find help for it, often kids are left to their own devices.
When i asked my husband's ex if there was a chance of her supporting her husband in recovery, it was her child that felt the most impact, when she declined. A wonderful chain of events for this widow with one child, my new husband is an amazing man, and i'm very lucky to have been graced with his presence in my life, and my son's, but i feel bad to this day that his child went without having his father treated fairly for her alcoholism in her home. It is mostly her loss that resounds most shrilly to this day.
I wish you the best in your discovery and management of what is happening to your spouse. It know how frustrating and painful it is for him to know that he can lose it at any time while drinking, It s a very debilitating feeling knowing that there are more "episodes" to be had.
My husband and myself have both been sober for 16 years, (shy of his few day relapse, committal and 90 day relapse prevention therapy). It is rewarding when our families have the capacity to understand our problems with addiction.
Please know that Alcoholism is progressive, in other words, don't be surprised if there is yet another shift, in his current drinking patterns.
My own mother, although responsible for raising four children in an alcoholic and abusive home, refused to become involved in the family portion of my recovery.
When an alcoholic finally reaches their last drunk, they can often have nothing to do with the alcoholism is called a "family disease" as such. What the family of the alcoholic do affect the alcoholic, just as what the alcoholic does affects the family.
The denial that happens in this family disease, is not the sole property of the alcoholic, and it is not always happening for seemingly altruist reasons either.
The good news is that you are considering possibilities and asking professionals ie. recovering addicts, family of addicts, etc. We that have come through alcoholism and have committed to a clean and sober home and life, have raised ourselves above the possibility of unknown danger. If it is not done, it is often the kids that fare the worst. While spouses are thinking how this turn of events is effecting them and reasoning how they wish to put a term to or find help for it, often kids are left to their own devices.
When i asked my husband's ex if there was a chance of her supporting her husband in recovery, it was her child that felt the most impact, when she declined. A wonderful chain of events for this widow with one child, my new husband is an amazing man, and i'm very lucky to have been graced with his presence in my life, and my son's, but i feel bad to this day that his child went without having his father treated fairly for her alcoholism in her home. It is mostly her loss that resounds most shrilly to this day.
I wish you the best in your discovery and management of what is happening to your spouse. It know how frustrating and painful it is for him to know that he can lose it at any time while drinking, It s a very debilitating feeling knowing that there are more "episodes" to be had.
My husband and myself have both been sober for 16 years, (shy of his few day relapse, committal and 90 day relapse prevention therapy). It is rewarding when our families have the capacity to understand our problems with addiction.
Please know that Alcoholism is progressive, in other words, don't be surprised if there is yet another shift, in his current drinking patterns.
A few times before when drinking he made comments about me and other men or when my phone rang said it was my other boyfriend but I swept it under the rug.
_________________
So you are saying here that his alcoholism has showed it's face in consistent ways that you "swept under the rug" (denial)
My concern now is that he could either have alcohol induced psychosis, and around me its coming out in delusions or jealousy....or that he has another mental disorder that he masks or controls that is triggered from alcohol.
______________
Would you rather it be another mental disorder that he is masking?
because you're thinking that a magic pill might "fix" him.?
and you can continue to imbibe in alcohol as it suites you, while around him?
IIt's very hard for an alcoholic to admit their problem. Harder still with a mate that , for their own reasons, does not want it to be so.
It's of great concern and embarrassment to loved ones, whose own need for socializing, or their own need of alcohol have to date come before any commitment to having a sober environment for the alcoholic.
If your husband who is acting like an alcoholic needs to get help and maintain a sober house , is enabled and otherwise left to their own devises, his disease and his problem is not being addressed or supported, then that is indeed a shame.
As his spouse, and partner, he needs you to see what is under the surface of his own ability to see.
My husband is an alcoholic with underlying mental illness. His underlying mental illness comes out when he's drinking , and his drinking comes out because he's an alcoholic and unable to stop unless in CONSTANT AND CONSISTENT RECOVERY. When my husband relapsed and his underlying Paranoid Schitzophrenia became apparent, i dealt with his Paranoid Schitxophrenia with (I think it was ) 2 weeks or more in a Psych Ward. and an additional 90 days in a Relapse Prevention Rehab. While his last wife simply dropped him off at the police station for getting drunk and disorderly one day when she finally didn't want to look at the problem anymore, i did what it took to see what was happening and how it was affecting him, , and as his partner and spouse, dealt with what was happening to him. I had to take myself out of the equation. As it were, i also am an alcoholic and we made a deal that neither would drink. So it is of no consequence for me to have a man in my life that cannot drink. I don't have alcohol in my home, so it was of no consequence to have no alcohol in the home of a "Recovering Addict"
How would you feel to admit that your husband may be an alcoholic, and you may never be able to drink in front, or with, your spouse again?
_________________
So you are saying here that his alcoholism has showed it's face in consistent ways that you "swept under the rug" (denial)
My concern now is that he could either have alcohol induced psychosis, and around me its coming out in delusions or jealousy....or that he has another mental disorder that he masks or controls that is triggered from alcohol.
______________
Would you rather it be another mental disorder that he is masking?
because you're thinking that a magic pill might "fix" him.?
and you can continue to imbibe in alcohol as it suites you, while around him?
IIt's very hard for an alcoholic to admit their problem. Harder still with a mate that , for their own reasons, does not want it to be so.
It's of great concern and embarrassment to loved ones, whose own need for socializing, or their own need of alcohol have to date come before any commitment to having a sober environment for the alcoholic.
If your husband who is acting like an alcoholic needs to get help and maintain a sober house , is enabled and otherwise left to their own devises, his disease and his problem is not being addressed or supported, then that is indeed a shame.
As his spouse, and partner, he needs you to see what is under the surface of his own ability to see.
My husband is an alcoholic with underlying mental illness. His underlying mental illness comes out when he's drinking , and his drinking comes out because he's an alcoholic and unable to stop unless in CONSTANT AND CONSISTENT RECOVERY. When my husband relapsed and his underlying Paranoid Schitzophrenia became apparent, i dealt with his Paranoid Schitxophrenia with (I think it was ) 2 weeks or more in a Psych Ward. and an additional 90 days in a Relapse Prevention Rehab. While his last wife simply dropped him off at the police station for getting drunk and disorderly one day when she finally didn't want to look at the problem anymore, i did what it took to see what was happening and how it was affecting him, , and as his partner and spouse, dealt with what was happening to him. I had to take myself out of the equation. As it were, i also am an alcoholic and we made a deal that neither would drink. So it is of no consequence for me to have a man in my life that cannot drink. I don't have alcohol in my home, so it was of no consequence to have no alcohol in the home of a "Recovering Addict"
How would you feel to admit that your husband may be an alcoholic, and you may never be able to drink in front, or with, your spouse again?
I said "if anyone drinks LONG enough or enough QUANTITY that everyone has the POTENTIAL for becoming alcoholic".
I also said "Denial is a powerful thing" and all alcoholics (and their loved ones) are in denial for at least a portion of the time preceeding aknowledgement that alcohol has become an addiction. Justifying is the same as denying and You are searching very hard to find another name for what is wrong His use of alcohol
Apparently You are a light drinker so Your risk is small.
Your BoyFriend is a different story. Alcohol certainly does 'imbalance' our chemicals - and everything else as well - but it is NOT a 'chemical imbalance' problem, rather it is an alcohol problem.
No doubt there's a difference of opinion whether alcoholism is a disease but disease or not - alcohol still IS an ADDICTIVE substance and ANYONE can become addicted to alcohol with ENOUGH use - the time or amount will vary from person to person but eventually it will happen. One doesn't have to have a 'disease' to become addicted to cigarettes, to heroin or cocaine - they are addictive SUBSTANCES, as is alcohol. There is no getting around that. It is what it is.
Whether You want to call it a "disease" or a "chemical imbalance'" or an "alcohol induced psychosis", Your BoyFriend most certainly has a problem with alcohol yet He CHOOSES to drink in spite of that. Therein lies the problem - no matter the label You or I want to give it.
What do You suppose causes Him to want to drink when He already knows that He "gets in trouble when He drinks"?? There is a HUGE clue in the fact that He CHOOSES to take that risk (by His own admission) when He drinks.
Your words, not mine:
He became "someone You don't know"
"He was mean, aggressive and cruel"
"He had a physical confrontation with a stranger"
"He said things about You and to You that were unjust and degrading"
"At one point You thought He was going to hit You"
He KNOWS He behaves badly when He drinks SO He should not drink at all - and if He does, You should not continue to be in a relationship that is not safe
Regards,
Tink
I also said "Denial is a powerful thing" and all alcoholics (and their loved ones) are in denial for at least a portion of the time preceeding aknowledgement that alcohol has become an addiction. Justifying is the same as denying and You are searching very hard to find another name for what is wrong His use of alcohol
Apparently You are a light drinker so Your risk is small.
Your BoyFriend is a different story. Alcohol certainly does 'imbalance' our chemicals - and everything else as well - but it is NOT a 'chemical imbalance' problem, rather it is an alcohol problem.
No doubt there's a difference of opinion whether alcoholism is a disease but disease or not - alcohol still IS an ADDICTIVE substance and ANYONE can become addicted to alcohol with ENOUGH use - the time or amount will vary from person to person but eventually it will happen. One doesn't have to have a 'disease' to become addicted to cigarettes, to heroin or cocaine - they are addictive SUBSTANCES, as is alcohol. There is no getting around that. It is what it is.
Whether You want to call it a "disease" or a "chemical imbalance'" or an "alcohol induced psychosis", Your BoyFriend most certainly has a problem with alcohol yet He CHOOSES to drink in spite of that. Therein lies the problem - no matter the label You or I want to give it.
What do You suppose causes Him to want to drink when He already knows that He "gets in trouble when He drinks"?? There is a HUGE clue in the fact that He CHOOSES to take that risk (by His own admission) when He drinks.
Your words, not mine:
He became "someone You don't know"
"He was mean, aggressive and cruel"
"He had a physical confrontation with a stranger"
"He said things about You and to You that were unjust and degrading"
"At one point You thought He was going to hit You"
He KNOWS He behaves badly when He drinks SO He should not drink at all - and if He does, You should not continue to be in a relationship that is not safe
Regards,
Tink
I'm not sure if I agree that most people who drink will become alcoholics. I drink a glass or two of wine once a week, but when I have traveled or been sick or trying to lose weight I have no problem going months or longer without. I view alcoholism as a disease, some are predisposed to it just like cancer or diabetes where others are not.
I do think he has a problem, I'm not sure if it is addiction to alcohol because like I said, he drinks on occasion and only has one or two socially but then stops and goes to bed, I think when he continues to drink to maintain that buzz is when he had an incredibly bad reaction. I really think it is a chemical imbalance because I have never in my life seen anyone change so quickly- it really was like a real life Jekyll and Hyde.
I do think he has a problem, I'm not sure if it is addiction to alcohol because like I said, he drinks on occasion and only has one or two socially but then stops and goes to bed, I think when he continues to drink to maintain that buzz is when he had an incredibly bad reaction. I really think it is a chemical imbalance because I have never in my life seen anyone change so quickly- it really was like a real life Jekyll and Hyde.
Whatever You "undersand of addiction and similar issues" - apply that understanding to alcoholism - alcoholism IS addiction - it's addiction to alcohol
Alcohol is a neurotoxic, psychoactive DRUG - as is amphetetemine, cocaine, nicotine, etc. It is (they all are) an addictive SUBSTANCE.
Anyone and Everyone has the 'potential' of becoming an alcoholic if One drinks often enough or enough quantity because of the substance itself. The point when One becomes addicted will vary from Person to Person as we're all somewhat unique, but it's kinda, sorta like if We were all cucumbers instead of People. If You place each and every cucumber in a barrel of brine, each and every cumumber will eventually become a pickle. Each cucumber may become a pickle at a different time (rate) but every one of those cumcumbers will eventually become a pickle if You leave them in the brine long enough !!
Yes, binge drinking and bad behavior = alcoholism - even when a person does not "crave it" (more on that later)
It does not 'feel good' to binge drink as hangovers are painful and uncomfortable so why would anyone 'choose' to go there? and no one 'prefers' bad behavior and They are embarassed and apologetic when They do it. So why do People choose to drink even knowing this will happen? because They are addicted to alcohol (way before They ever realize it) Everyone drinks for the 'buzz' - if not for that 'buzz' People would drink only water or coke - and that's the beginning......
They keep drinking 'cuz they like the buzz - and then addiction begins to set in - trouble is addiction is progressive so One has to drink more and more trying to attain that buzz They had in the beginning. The more alcohol They drink the more likely it is They will do and say something really stupid 'cuz They are really quite drunk.
as far as your question about "crave it".
People 'think' They don't "crave it" but I say to You, that's what addiction is. One 'thinks' One is not "craving it" but DENIAL is a very powerful thing and addiction is a VERY hard thing for SomeOne to accept, realize about Themselves, but that IS what craving is - it's addiction. It's why People will drink anyway, even when, even if, it will cause a 'bad' ending.
Most people (cucumbers) who consume alcohol (brine) become alcoholics (pickles) LONG before They become aware that they are indeed addicted -and usually much is lost by that time. Again, it's called "denial"
Does Your BoyFriend feel enough remorse for His behavior to seek sobriety? I think You would be very supportive but He needs to recognize that He has an addiction.
I hope we hear from You here again.
Regards,
Tink
I am confused about alcoholism now. I am quite understanding of addiction and similar issues and know that it can happen to anyone and I do not judge those who it affects. Does binge drinking and bad behavior mean alcoholism even when a person does not crave it?
We are not saying that He doesn't have a psychosis (maybe He does, maybe He doesn't)
What We ARE saying is He IS an alcoholic (psychosis or not)
and we say that because of what we know about alcoholism AND Your description of His drinking 'history'
There is a lot of misunderstanding about the dangers and effects of alcohol because it is such a socially acceptable thing to do - everyone thinks it's fun and it's a game - It Is Not !! It's a drug and it's addictive.
You need to educate YourSelf about the dynamics, the phsyiology, of what alcohol does to the body and the brain - even in small amounts. Alcohol (ethanol) is a poison. Your BoyFriend needs this information too.
"People always say Your true feelings come out when You drink".
I disagree with that. I think when one is drunk one does and says things He would NEVER do and say while sober. He may not be 'responsible' (per se), for what He does or says while drunk because He IS drunk !!
BUT
He IS responsible for getting drunk and THEN doing and saying bad things So, being drunk doesn't 'get Him off the hook" for His bad behavior - The 'result' of being drunk and stupid - it goes hand in hand. So, if one does stupid things while drunk well then, of course, He's responsible for His behavior because He CHOSE to get drunk. Smart, loving, intelligent People do bad, stupid things when They are drunk. Alcoholism happens to good people all the time - Alcohol doesn't choose "bad" people.
I TOTALLY agree with what You have learned here from NightHawk!!
Alcoholism is progressive and it does not 'stop' or 'go away'. One can go years abstaining from alcohol and yet will pick up where He 'left off' when He drinks again. That is common knowledge about alcoholism and that is exactly why a recovered alcoholic aknowledges and is ALWAYS conscious of Their recovery. That is also why it is referred to as 'recovery' - An alcoholic is forever an alcoholic but a Recovered Alcoholic does not drink, even a little once in a while.
I also ditto NightHawks last sentence !!:
"This should be a deal breaker for You. He either acknowledges He's an alcoholic and quits forever, or You must leave and move on to a SAFER relationship"
Please, remember - alcoholism is progressive
GoodLuck
What We ARE saying is He IS an alcoholic (psychosis or not)
and we say that because of what we know about alcoholism AND Your description of His drinking 'history'
There is a lot of misunderstanding about the dangers and effects of alcohol because it is such a socially acceptable thing to do - everyone thinks it's fun and it's a game - It Is Not !! It's a drug and it's addictive.
You need to educate YourSelf about the dynamics, the phsyiology, of what alcohol does to the body and the brain - even in small amounts. Alcohol (ethanol) is a poison. Your BoyFriend needs this information too.
"People always say Your true feelings come out when You drink".
I disagree with that. I think when one is drunk one does and says things He would NEVER do and say while sober. He may not be 'responsible' (per se), for what He does or says while drunk because He IS drunk !!
BUT
He IS responsible for getting drunk and THEN doing and saying bad things So, being drunk doesn't 'get Him off the hook" for His bad behavior - The 'result' of being drunk and stupid - it goes hand in hand. So, if one does stupid things while drunk well then, of course, He's responsible for His behavior because He CHOSE to get drunk. Smart, loving, intelligent People do bad, stupid things when They are drunk. Alcoholism happens to good people all the time - Alcohol doesn't choose "bad" people.
I TOTALLY agree with what You have learned here from NightHawk!!
Alcoholism is progressive and it does not 'stop' or 'go away'. One can go years abstaining from alcohol and yet will pick up where He 'left off' when He drinks again. That is common knowledge about alcoholism and that is exactly why a recovered alcoholic aknowledges and is ALWAYS conscious of Their recovery. That is also why it is referred to as 'recovery' - An alcoholic is forever an alcoholic but a Recovered Alcoholic does not drink, even a little once in a while.
I also ditto NightHawks last sentence !!:
"This should be a deal breaker for You. He either acknowledges He's an alcoholic and quits forever, or You must leave and move on to a SAFER relationship"
Please, remember - alcoholism is progressive
GoodLuck
Thank you both for your insight. I suppose I never considered that because I have drank with him a lot, especially socially or just hanging out with a glass of wine or a mixed drink, he usually just puts o. TV and goes to sleep other than the few times he's gotten a cranky, so him saying he doesn't drink anymore meant he doesn't binge or go out to bars to drink with his buddies because of his history. This is awful and terrible for me and I am so embarrassed because the things he said to me are inexcusable but if he's got a real issue I will forgive but if he's not willing to make a change I won't go back. People always say your true feelings come out when you drink but I just can't believe he thinks I'm the things he said I am.
What makes you think it is alcoholism and not psychosis?
What makes you think it is alcoholism and not psychosis?
I agree with TtinkK. He's an alcoholic, that can never drink. When an alcoholic does quit drinking, as your partner has, the conditions ofe his alcoholism lie in wait. When he picks up again, he will start again, as he left off. Nothing will change. If i drink again, after 16 years of sobriety, I would be in the exact same condition when i drank as i did when i quit so long ago. Alcoholism never forgets. Time will not heal the condition. I think you need your partner to put a name to his condition, he's an alcoholic and can never drink safely again. He needs to quit for life. If this is now difficult for him, he needs to get into a program of recovery. like AA.
It should be a deal breaker for you. He either acknowledges he's an alcoholic and quits forever, or you must leave and move on to a safer relationship.
It should be a deal breaker for you. He either acknowledges he's an alcoholic and quits forever, or you must leave and move on to a safer relationship.
under these circumstances I wonder WHY would He CHOOSE to drink at all?? ever?? !!
My advice to You is BEWARE and BE AWARE.
He said He doesn't drink(??) because He used to get in trouble when He partied. If one doesn't drink, well then, one DOESN'T drink !! If He 'knows' this about HimSelf why would He EVER drink?? Drinking (even when it's an addiction) is a choice.
and - You can't "get Him help" - He must get His own help.
I don't think it's out of the question to tell Him that if He drinks at all that's a deal breaker for You. It's really quite simple, He can choose a relationship with You or He can choose to get drunk and act crazy.
Of course I don't know if He has mental health issues, psychosis, disorder, or etc., etc. - but I do know He should not drink alcohol as evidenced by the behaviors You describe here. He is not exactly 'unique' as regards His behavior while drunk - most drunk people do behave badly. Alcohol wreaks havoc on all who drink whether they are aware of it or not.
GoodLuck
My advice to You is BEWARE and BE AWARE.
He said He doesn't drink(??) because He used to get in trouble when He partied. If one doesn't drink, well then, one DOESN'T drink !! If He 'knows' this about HimSelf why would He EVER drink?? Drinking (even when it's an addiction) is a choice.
and - You can't "get Him help" - He must get His own help.
I don't think it's out of the question to tell Him that if He drinks at all that's a deal breaker for You. It's really quite simple, He can choose a relationship with You or He can choose to get drunk and act crazy.
Of course I don't know if He has mental health issues, psychosis, disorder, or etc., etc. - but I do know He should not drink alcohol as evidenced by the behaviors You describe here. He is not exactly 'unique' as regards His behavior while drunk - most drunk people do behave badly. Alcohol wreaks havoc on all who drink whether they are aware of it or not.
GoodLuck
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