Alcoholic Yes or No ?

[photog7]

I just spent 1 1/2 hours typing and I lost the whole thing so I am going to do a short version this time.
My wife and I have been married 12 years, both our second marriges. We are in the 50's range.
Shecomes from a family that 90 persent like to drink. I come from a family that doesn't.
She like her beer and use to drink more than she does now. Before it was to got to all family functions and drink, go to neighbor get togethers and just to have beers. I am a social drinker, maybe 4-6 a month maybe. She has cut way back but it is still bothering me. Friday is her night that she wants to have a few beers. She says if is a day to relax because it is the end of along week. I don't mind sitting and having time together and have a couple but I have two and she will have 5-6 before stopping. I drink slow and she drinks fast, she only quits because she knows I am getting upset. Last night was holloween and she picked up beer on the way home from work. Her kids now living on their own and mother came over to eat. No one drank beer except her and she had 5 in a two hour period. This is the way it happens, she is not drinking all the time but when she wants to have a few it turns into 5-6 real easy.
This is bothering me real bad so what I am looking for is, is it just me and being too picky or is there a problem? This is only once a week but if I would say, want to have a beer, she has no arguement and then again 5-6 At the point of 6 she starts with the splured speech and it drive me nuts.
She has gone for a couple of weeks with out even saying anything about having it and I am afraid to even bring it up. Is is just me?
There are tons of people I know that drink alot more than this and are concidered normal but my concern is for me and my wife.

[dark69meat]

It should bother you.  I drink exactly like your wife.

My wife is exactly like you...'normal'.. one who drinks slow and satisfied w/ one or 2.  Not me.  I power drink and can down 4X -- 16oz --  6.0 octane beers in a little over an hour.  I like the buzz, but now after 10 days without it's nice NOT to be hungover.  My wife hates when I get 'out of my mind' because I'm too unpredictable and say nasty abusive things, normally I would not..

[photog7]

Yes it bother me alot, I don't want our relationship to depend on beer so we can relax. She hasn't had any beer for about a week and a half and last night I was thinking that it might be withdraw. I have been thinking it was stress but now I am not sure. I don't know how to talk to her, she just gets mad. I am off this week and this morning when she left she wouldn't talk to me. She left without even saying good bye. This is a stress neither one of us need right now.

[working dog]

withdraw can last a long time....just look it up on the internet...read about the symptoms...maybe you could make a limit..like 4 beers at the most for a while..but if she doesn't want to quit or cut down then thats going to be tough..you have to hope she doesn't hide it from you...the permanent brain damage might be something she should learn about...good luck...billy

[photog7]

Thanks Billy, the whole thing is she isn't doing this on a daily basis, about once a week. Sometimes I feel as if I am just being too picky but like dark69 said ,he does the same thing. What bothers me is that she can't have one or two, has to be 5-6. Even though 5-6 a week is no big deal it is the problem with only just 1 or 2. Does this make you an acholic ? I don't know. I can drink 1 or 2 and be satified or I can just leave it and don't drink any. I like to sit once in a wihle and have a couple but that is it. I am not a prude, I have had my share along with drunk and parties but I just don't feel the need. I need to talk to a profesional or a doctor to see if they think this is a problem or just me.
I read the symptoms and they are pretty general. I have heath problems too like firbromyalgia and I fall into the same symptoms. This can cause a big problem in our marraige if I presue it nad she is a good woman, but..... yea, just don't know what way to turn.

[dark69meat]

Sounds a little moody like myself; does she like to drink alone?  Mmm... not saying 'bye' at least.  She sounds pissed, hope she doesn't binge soon.  Is she only happy when boozed up?  Wonder how long she's been drinking as in years?? I have 5-7 in one night or did... yes that's a lot in less than 2 hours.  Communication is always the challenge in any relationship.

Yes... binging / power drinking is the worse one can do; especially on your body.

[photog7]

Yes very moody but the stress we have been going through has been alot. I don't know where to seperate it. I have health issues myself and having a very hard time too.
No she doesn't like drinking alone, like to be around other people. I can't tell if booze is the only thing cheering her up. Seems to help but with all the other issues in our life isn't helping. I have tried to make her happy but I am feeling I am the cause of her unhappyness. I have tried my best to conform to her needs but never good enough.
I don't know how long but it has been many years, kind of a normal thing for her and her family for the most.
Yesterday I offered to have a couple of beers with her while sitting on the porch. We had two and she did quit. I feel it was because she knew it would head to trouble if not. I don't feel cutting her off totaly is the answer, maybe I am wrong. I just want her to be able to stop after two if need to be and be happy.
We have had many issues in our 13 years and most of what has been other problems in our families. I wish we could just run away from it all and cahnge our life but that is impossible.  
Well this leads into a whole different area and I don't need to go there.
Thanks for listening anyway.

[dark69meat]

Keep talking, if you want.  It was good she did stop after two this time.  Maybe just a part time binge drinker or you were around to influence her to stop.  I don't always binge, but I do more than I should and want to even if I don't after tow. That's where the problem is with me.  The after effects are depressing too, the days that follow and not a good way to live.  Hope your relationship improves.

We all have issues in marriages..

[grumble]

My problem is starting to worry me,  in the last two yrs. of drinking I seem to be able to wake up without a hang-over?  Does anybody reading this think it is a bad sign.  Some of my friends say I am luck but I am starting to get worried.
grumble

[girlybuff]

Alcoholics do NOT have to drink every day to be alcoholics.  It's one of the greatest miscomceptions out there along with the fact that alcoholics live on the street with a shopping cart full of cans and drink out of a paper bag.
I went months andmonths without drinking but when I did, oh boy, I was drinking and almost fell entitled to get drunk cause I hadn't in so long.    

[photog7]

Girlybuff, no I do understand that, that is what worries me. I have heard that if you have to have even that one drink a week you are still an alcoholic if you can't pass it up.

[dark69meat]

That's a very familiar story with me, but I binge maybe every other time and would never go without for months; that's why I'm committed to stop completely.  It's the only solution in my case.  I usually drink 3 times or maybe 4X a week and my body works real hard to sustain that punishment.  After drinking I'll wake up dehydrated and feel my heart pounding  hard.  Then morning feel like **** w/headache; can't considerate and grouchy with co-workers.  Not good for other organs, not just liver.  It's a vicious cycle of 'up and down'... no different than any other addiction.  You just become a slave to it.

grumble -- My son says he doesn't get hangovers.  Guess what, it's affecting your body in a negative way, regardless.  Sorry.

[Bettys_Girl]

Did you ever think your wife may be drinking in excess because you are sitting there counting her drinks?  If my husband did that, I would drink in excess just to retaliate.  If you are going to get upset over her having that 3rd drink, she might as well have the 4th excetera.  Put it into perspective.  It's once a week.  She's not hurting anyone. She just wants to de-stress.  Why not try this..... (it could stop or reduce her drinking & improve your marriage)...
If you were to ignore the amount of drinking for a trial period and perhaps spend more time with her is a comforting, relaxing & / or romantic way, she wouldn't need to drink to de-stress her life and your marriage could be happier.  Just a thought.

[MGM155]

Let me say that I do the same thing.  If and when I drink (which I have cut way down on), I will power drink, too, because I want the buzz.  That's the reason I drink... for the buzz.  

Bettys_girl has a good point but if it bothers you that much, then I'm not sure you won't become more and more resentful about it.

But.. yes..  there is a problem when one drinks for the buzz.  At least, it's a problem for me, but your wife doesn't see anything wrong with it, and she is trying to please you.  I, too, hope it doesn't lead her to secretly drink.

I hope it works out for you two and you can come to a compromise which you both can be happy with.