Alcoholic daughter

[kate950]

This is not really a question because i don't think there are any answers. My daughter has been severly dependant on alcohol for at least the last 18 months - probably longer but before that she was at university. During the last 18 months she has been sacked from 2 jobs, been in hospital several times (following siezures and suicide attemps), lost a fiancee, lost most of her friends, been arrested and plunged the family into hell. She is violent and abusive when drunk and I have had to cover up many bruises. During the summer I paid for a private rehab for 3 months and it seems to work - for a while - but now she is back to binge drinking and yet more arrests (I actually wish they would keep her in jail) and hospital admissions (and, as before, they are patch up and detox and then throw out).
I have read about the 'tough love' approach but I feel that, if i threw her out, I would be shortly attending her funeral. She is 23 - has a degree - is beautiful when the ravages of drink are cleared.
I don't feel as if there is any hope and I don'y know what to do.
I guess nothing will work until she decides it will but I don't know how to get her to that decision.

I have posted this on the addictive substances forum also.

[momhac]

My daughter is 45 and has drank for many years, she takes a lot of prescriptions drugs. She said at one time that she was Bi-Polar know one knows for sure. Her ex-husband couldn't get any answers, she wouldn't let him talk to her Doctors...  after 25 years they divorced, she will still blame him for everything, she lost two of her children they won't talk to her. She takes no personal responsibility for her choices. She is living with a very nice man who really cared for her, but he cant take all the lies anymore. She has also been addicted to vicodin and gambling that I know of. She drinks straight Vodka hides it in water bottles. He has found bottles all around the house and in her car...He is trying to fine a place in the Seattle area that takes Medicaid. He has called every hospital around but they don't take Medicaid. She is going to die if we can't get her help!!! We don't know what to do!!! He is 26 years older then her and is so tired ( I so worry about him). She won't come home, he is afraid to kick her out, she keeps him up all night crying of pain. She can't talk straight won't get out of bed, he said she keeps crying for him to help her, but then won't talk to him...Does anyone know of any place in Seattle area that can take Medicaid that can help??? We are so very desperate, please.            

[momhac]

My daughter is 45 and has drank for many years, she takes a lot of prescriptions drugs. She said at one time that she was Bi-Polar know one knows for sure. Her ex-husband couldn't get any answers, she wouldn't let him talk to her Doctors...  after 25 years they divorced, she will still blame him for everything, she lost two of her children they won't talk to her. She takes no personal responsibility for her choices. She is living with a very nice man who really cared for her, but he cant take all the lies anymore. She has also been addicted to vicodin and gambling that I know of. She drinks straight Vodka hides it in water bottles. He has found bottles all around the house and in her car...He is trying to fine a place in the Seattle area that takes Medicaid. He has called every hospital around but they don't take Medicaid. She is going to die if we can't get her help!!! We don't know what to do!!! He is 26 years older then her and is so tired ( I so worry about him). She won't come home, he is afraid to kick her out, she keeps him up all night crying of pain. She can't talk straight won't get out of bed, he said she keeps crying for him to help her, but then won't talk to him...Does anyone know of any place in Seattle area that can take Medicaid that can help??? We are so very desperate, please.            

[uberadtx]

There's always hope.  I am sorry that you are witnessing her addiction and the disease's progression.  It frustrates me that there are no resources to help someone like your daughter.  However, you sound like you have a grip on what's going on with her and that's a good thing. I am sure she does not want to live the way she is living.  That in her sober and not so sober moments she wants to get better. There are still options for you and your daughter though. Its just time to take a different approach. Yes, its going to require another detox but what needs to change is the rehab component.  This part requires aggressive, creative thinking.  People relapse because of resentments they have with people, places or things.  Throwing her back into the environment where she drinks is detrimental to her so there has to be a shift in her environment.  Someone could spend an entire year in a hospital and do wonderfully but thats not reality.  Its a bubble.  Staying sober requires people to live life on life's terms.  The biggest problem is that most people stay where they drank and continually be with the people who drink.  In order for your daughter to achieve any type of long term sobriety she can't be around those people after detox.  She should be in a sober community with other people trying to stay sober.  That's hope!  Her biggest advantage would be to be around others who she can identify with and who can identify with her.
I speak from experience.  I spent a long time in the hospital and upon discharge, the doctor said you CAN NOT go back to where you used to live.  I didn't understand it at the time.  I took a chance and believed that if I couldn't handle it, I could always go home.  With that, I packed 2 bags, got on a flight and landed in a sober community.  It transformed my life and I wouldn't be sober today if I hadn't done it.  It wasn't easy but it saved my life.  I am truly grateful for it and would recommend it to every person in need of recovery.  I know now that if I had come home after the hospital I would be dead today because that is the type of alcoholic I am.
Let me know your thoughts.

[ibizan]

In addition to the alcohol is she bi-polar 1?sure sounds like it....is ur husband in the home?if so do u agree on a team approach?or u handling this by urself?any other supportive family who help u?