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Alcoholic husband
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Alcoholic husband

Hi everyone.Im new here and really could use some advice.My husband  is a functioning alcoholic.He works everyday isnt abusive to me or the kids.and has a kind heart.Hes a good man.However he drinks everyday and passes out just about everyday.The days he doesnt pass out he still gets a good buzz.He doesnt ever go to the kids ballgames,school events or anything else.My oldest son is now 14 and he tells me how tired he is of his constant drinking.He never does anything with me either.I use to beg him to stop,then I tried crying and pleaing with him,then as time went on,my tears dried up and I just began resenting him so bad.I feel as if I have been alone for the past 14 years.I have been a single parent.I feel as if the only thing he has contributed to our family is money.Im so unhappy and so tired of being lonely.I worry about the impact it has had on my children and the impact it will have if I continue in this relationship.He tells me just to be happy that he doent beat me or cheat on,and that things could be worse.I know they could be worse,but does that mean that I should stay where Im not happy and where my kids have seen a non affectionate marriage for all these years?I know that some people have it so much worse with their alcoholic spouses and I am greatful that it isnt abusive and that he is a good provider,but where is the line?To be honest If I were able financially I would leave.All my love I once had for him has turned into resentment and anger.I know I really dont have a question,just needed to talk to someone and hopefully get some feedback.Thank you!
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4 Comments Post a Comment
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190885_tn?1333029491
your in a tough spot..alcohol can really make you lazy ....miss out on all kinds of stuff....does he drink vodka?? some folks can get their partners to quit although that does't seem to happen very often...lots of things are easier living together...and if you leave will you get the kids? sounds like you got to lay it on the line..see if he will get help...if he won't ..start working on getting out ..good luck....billy
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Avatar_f_tn
Your story made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  It was identical to my story……12 years ago.  We might have been able to repair the damage the alcohol had done to our marriage, but there was no fixing the damage recovery did.  Once sober, he was not the man I married nor was he the man who drank; he was someone I didn’t know and didn’t like.

I didn’t experience the anger and resentment (both emotions I believe are healthy and normal), but I felt a deep sense of loss, sadness, confusion and disgust.  These emotions cycled in and out until the only one left was apathy.  We divorced shortly after.  We remain, however, very good friends but the love—on my part—has long been gone.

I tried Al-Anon but it didn’t work for me.  If I would’ve had a coherent thought, I would’ve gone to an Al-Anon meeting at a different location or time.  I had no one to guide me so I toughed it out as he did.

Find an Al-Anon meeting.  Please.  If one doesn’t work for you, try another.  If you’d like, please send me a personal message.

Take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you—I know EXACTLY how you feel and it’s hell.

Pickles
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455167_tn?1259261471
hello. you are in a tough position, but there are options. as pickles said above, give al-anon and/or private counseling a chance. You and your children likely have been affected in ways you may not be aware of, as alcoholism harms the drinker and those that are close to them. you will need to heal no matter what your husband does, but recovery is possible for all of you. there are a lot of alcoholics and addicts in this world who manage to keep up appearances, but not forever. until the damaging use of any mood/mind altering chemical is arrested, all involved live under the threat of worsening conditions. in addition, to avoid conflicts of interest, it would be wise to connect with other women, as opposed to men, who have been right where you are now. you are in a volatile situation that would make anyone vulnerable to less than honorable motives for helping you. there are good people on this site and in 12 step groups all over the world, who will be glad to help, simply because there was someone around to help them escape hell on earth. this is the simple yet profound basis of recovery that works. take care---gm
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660086_tn?1224779840
your husband needs a rock bottom - if he doesnt have one or several of  these he wont recover.  His alcoholism is not your problem but you need to get to Al anon to learn this.  Yes alcoholism is a family illness.

I am really sorry for your situation.  You need to remove yourself from it.  Leave him to abuse himself alone because you are enabling him to continue.  

You cannot stop an alcoholic from drinking.  The alcoholic has to WANT to stop.  Some of us die or go insane.  We want to continue the party.  We are full of fear and cant cope with stress or life.  Some alcoholics have so many health problems they still do not stop drinking.  I am one of the lucky ones.  Alcoholism wants you dead and its the only disease in the world that tells you - you dont have it.  

Its known as the great remover.  It removes the shırt from your back the carpet from under your feet your friends your family your finances then eventually it removes your mental faculties then your life.  

Tough talking but true.  
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