Diagnosis: Depression (severe in and out)
Sensory Modulation (suspected)
I like to drink because it takes the pain away like no other drug, and I feel so worn at the end of the day that I feel I may need it to calm down. My Grandma is an alcoholic, my mom was addicted to pain killers for a short while before i was alive, and her father (my grandfather) died from a heroin OD. I know I have an addictive personality, but life has been really hard. The past 5 years I've been suffering, because of a lot of things but my list is too long. My question is, if I feel terrible and then later drink alone to supplement, is that a tendency of an alcoholic?
I would say most defiantly, but only because depression can be linked to alcoholism anyway, and then you've mentioned your addictive personality, which also runs in the family. Obviously your not a serious 'wake up, must drink' alcoholic, but it is still a dependency you have in order to wind down and de-stress. It's still early though, so if you don't want to go down that path, at least there's time to change, without too much of a struggle.
You assume you have an addictive personality because there are others in your family that do. You are not considering the effect of environment. There may be a certain acceptance on your part because addiction is familiar to you. Consider how people's habits change when they migrate to new countries. This involves not only diet, but alcohol use as well.
You are on the road to alcoholism, but I think you know that. Abort the trend by seeing a reliable therapist. Also, do not befriend drinkers and do not go to bars or drinking parties. You don't want to wind up dependent on the bottle.
Don't drink, you know you can get hooked and it's not healthy for your liver. I am a sober 18 mths alcoholic and used to drink to calm down, ended up everyday. Theres always things in life that irritate a person, but try to exercise, go walking, or read, do something else that you enjoy.Don't hang out with drinkers, my friends would say just have one, and I had to get rid of them to quit. See if you can get into counselling for someone to share your worries with. Yes, you could be an alcoholic, but make a better choice for yourself and change family history. You are smart to see the problem at such an early age. AA/NA meetings would be helpful for you also, people who will totally understand how you feel, and listen to you. Stay sober, be happy!!!
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