This community is for questions and support for people with, or for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit. The forum covers topics ranging from
Health Issues, How to Quit, Reasons to Quit, Relapse Prevention, Friend and Family Support.
Several parts of your story indicate that you have a problem. Usually everything but impossible to drink responsibly after that type of thing for a long, long, time. If ever.
Good news is that you will be able to quit when you wish to badly enough. Might even want to look into antabuse for a few months...............best of luck to you..........