Campral

I saw my Dr. yesterday and asked her again about the Campral.  She finally got the literature read on it and called me a little while ago.  She has faxed in a script for me.  Now I just hope it is the miracle drug it claims to be.
It is awful to have to admit i have no willpower.  I do good for a few days and then the demons are in my head and i am a weakling.  I hope if I can take this for a few months i will lose that desire.  I will keep posting and let you all know.  How is everyone?  No word from Owen.  Owen are you out there?  Are you drinking?   If so DON'T!  I know so easy for me to say.  Thank you all for your encouragement.  TJ

[ibizan]

There is no miracle pill for anything but Campral will cut the craving for the alcohol and u must do the rest!iR u in any counseling?back 2 AA?'m having problems with this website at nite...cannot post or send messages...computer guy said possible problem with Internet Explorer 7...gonna try to fix this weekend...have to...so if u don't hear from me u'll know why...can post from work pc but not at home!and technology was posed to simplify things?

[TJack]

Oh yes i am staying with AA and my counseling starts Monday afternoon.  Hope your puter starts working right.  i will be watching for you.  I will get the campral tomorrow.
Not going to town today and i don't want a drink anyway, except for green ice tea. YAY

[Bob185]

I am trying Camral too

[TJack]

Today is day 2 on Campral.  No side effects that i have noticed yet anyway.  I have an appt. with my therapist at 3.  I feel so good to have gotten started on everything, including AA.  With prayer and all this help I feel like I can do this.  That's so much better than feeling helpless and hopeless.  TJ

[ibizan]

u got it going girl..keep that recovery ball a rolling!one hour atta time..one day atta time!

[TJack]

The therapy session today was very good.   I really didn't know what to expect.  But, it took care of itself.  My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD, which is exactly what my MD said.  Okay, so much for that.  It matters little.  Getting better and well is what counts.   Keep hanging in there  with me.  I wish more people posted on this site.  What's up with that?   Lots more over on the addiction site.  Which is where i use to go alot when i was on the vicodin and then the suboxone.  Thanks for your help.  TJ

[ibizan]

this is good news!i think the ppl who post regular here are trying to do more regarding their recovery vs.another/other forums where ppl talk about what they need to do...just my observation! talk is talk....action speaks louder than words!

[ibizan]

afterthoughts...many with multiple drug issues go onto other forums...thinking drugs the main problem and they very well may be....alcohol can be an issue for them as well but a drug of choice can be targeted as the main culprit.also alcoholism and drug addiction are problems where the light may go on upstairs where person knows it is a problem...but has not made the committment yet to engage in complete abstinence......for some it takes much time....for some years...for some the time never comes.I have watched ppl run in circles and lose so much b4 they wake up and seriously seize the moment!This observation from 23 years of working in the substance abuse field!

[TJack]

That makes sense to me.  I appreciate your wisdom.  I went to my AA meeting yesterday a.m. then off to Portland to my daughters for some dental work.  Just home and my 4 year old grand daughter came home with me.  So am tired but always want to go to this site and see what is going on.  So far the Campral is doing it's job.   I pray it continues.  Will check in tomorrow.  Hope all is going well for you and everyone else.

[ibizan]

I'll bet u enjoy that little girl so much!4 yr.olds are s o much fun and say the darndest things!So glad the Campral is doing its job.....and u r helping it by NOT giving in2 the urge to drink,being around sober ppl and finding many things in life to enjoyand be grateful for like time with the grandD!!!:))))keep up the good work....u KNOW u CAN do it!

[TJack]

Yes, you are so right.  4 years old and so much fun.  She really can come up with stuff and we crack up laughing.   I really am posting to let you know how well this Campral is working.  I am so GLAD!   I read on one campral site that they recommend taking it for a year.  I am up for that as well.  No side effects that i have noticed.  $9.00 a month for the pills, can't beat that!  I know it isn' t the complete answer, but with AA and therapy also I do believe I can do it!  Thanks again for your encouragement! Have a great holiday weekend.  We are hitting a matinee  today> Indiana Jones!  woohoo  TJ

[ibizan]

i'm glad the campral is working in tandem with all else ur doing.....its teamwork.....not just one thing that works but a combo.....this 7 yr.old boy in our office came up to the clerical gal and said I took ur granddaughter on a date!they go 2 school 2 gether!we sed where did ya go?he laffed and sed nowhere like we usually do!hilarious these kids!Enjoy Indy..the previews look good!

[TJack]

Yep, kids say the darndest things! haha  Last night Baby said she wasn't sleeping with her Poppy until he apologized.  He and I cracked up.  I said for what?  Well, he had helped her up on the bed about 15 times, because it is high up.  The last time she got down to come in the living room to see me he told her he wasn't going to help her again.
Well, that was it! haha  He apologized and all was well.  She is like sleeping with a bull moose, so i take a king bed and he stays in our king bed and she switches back and forth with us generally.  Her mother and sister will be here today.  The sky is blue and the sun is out, which is a big surprise. Hope it sticks around.  take care and have fun. T

[ibizan]

it is cool to enjoy these things sober yes?it IS what life is about!

[TJack]

Well, i am living proof it helps but a person has to have some willpower!  I have got to dig some up.  I really screwed up 2 nights ago.  I have been so down on myself ever since, just sick of ME.  So, now i am back in the saddle so to say and am going to
stay away from the booze.  I can't wait to unload all this on the therapist tomorrow.
Plus i ran into the patio door, which i thought was open and have a huge shiner.  That even makes it worse.  It is a reminder of how dumb i am every time i look in the mirrow.
I just want to be a sober, sane, decent human being.  But, at the moment i would love to dig a hole and crawl in it.  I am so ashamed.  okay, enough of my whining!  Tomorrow is another day. Hope everyone else is hanging in there and staying strong.tj

[ibizan]

ain't nothin u can do bout yesterday...only to do ur damndest to not repeat it today....so back in the no drink today saddle u go!

[TJack]

Yeppers Girlfriend i have saddled up old Blue, shiner and all.  Boy, it's  doozy.  One thing about it I won't be lieing when i say i ran into the sliding glass door! The only place i am going today is to my therapist and will tell her I BLEW it.   Well, i do have to stop at the grocery store for NO WINE, but some food.  Thank goodness I just got new HUGE sunglasses.   I am staying on the campral, 6 a day and using willpower also.
I have no choice.  Live or die situation here.  Thanks for responding.  tj

[ibizan]

ouch bet that hurts now!like Brian Auger sang....c'mon get it up...try it again now...c'mon get it up...happiness is just around the bend...man i am dating myself.....thats from the 70's!great song!also Sade Keep Looking..great lyrics!Carpe Diem girl...seize the day!

[TJack]

Actually the weird part is, it doesn't hurt but does it ever look BAD.  Like a raccoons eye.  Just got a call from therapists office, she is out sick, so i have a reprieve until Tuesday.  But, i really was ready to show and tell and be honest with her and i can do that on tuesday as well.  This is going to be with me for awhile i think.  A GOOD reminder though.  DON"t drink and WALK or better yet JUSt dont drink.  Whatever happened to Owen?  I didn't have a clue who Brian Auger was so i looked him up and listened to some of his music.  Good stuff.  I am laying low today.  Lunch with a friend tomorrow that I need to be honest with and then to my nail gal.  I am wearing my big shades!  You have a great one and thanks.

[ibizan]

I show my age with Brian Auger....he is still performing and sounding great as ever!Nail gals are good therapy,got one myself....all else can be going to hay in a handbasket but nails look good!Owen?who knows?many post here describing quite a problem,get good feedback,decide the problem is not that big of a problem..but the problem with the problem is that the drinker doesn't think its a problem and THATS the problem!:)))))

[TJack]

oh you are too sharp this early in the morning.   I couldn'tsleep so got up at 3 and am heading back to try and catch a few zzzzz'z now.  I know you are right on about Owen, but sounded so like he wanted help. Maybe he will drop in again so we can tell him to NOT DRINK>  have a great day.  I will be the one in big Oakley shades.   Hugs, tj

[Grace724]

I was wondering where Owen went too...hopefully he is doing ok and if not he'll stop in again.

Sounds like you're doing pretty well yourself except for the run in with the door :) I know you're upset about the slip, totally understandable but you jumped back in the saddle and didn't let the slip cause you to throw in the towel...that's what's most important.

I have a 3 yr old granddaughter who will be 4 in Sept. She's such a joy! And yes, they do come up with the darnedest things!

Have a great day,
~Grace

[ibizan]

a big greyhound boi stuck his nose in my face at 4 am 2 go out and pee.when i'm up i'm up..and my coffee could really wake a lotta ppl up!love morning quiet time....after the coffee brain is clicking and up and going...it really doesn't matter if we tell ppl not 2 drink...their going to do what they really want to do!we can have hope and thats bout all..the rest is up 2 them!:)))

[TJack]

Hey you two.  Up again and did get a few more hours of shut eye, speaking of eye, it's still there.  whoa!   I appreciate your post Grace.  You are right, i am determined!  Back in the saddle again.  And yes these grandkids are my inspiration.  I don't want them growing up and saying or thinking my Nana is a drunk!   That would kill me if the booze didn't first.  Yes, it is true about Owen, but did want to encourage him.  
I am afraid i would have to lock the greyhound out Ibizan, at least until 6. ha  But, guess if he had to go he had to go!  
I am meeting a friend for lunch at 11:30.  She knows what's going on but this was to be our time for me to really fill her in.  I am hoping the sun is shining so we can sit outside and i can leave these dang glasses on!  I am also going to use makeup stick.  
The nail gal is also a friend, but not that kind to really confide in.  Oh well, i had such a clean slider i thought it was open.  Or i had a fight with the door and it won or hey my husband decked me!  No one would believe that one.haha  Or if all else fails just the truth i had 5 too many and hit the door with my face.
You two have a great one.  I just looked and you are both in Ohio.  How bout that?
My best to you both.  Tonya

[ibizan]

nah when dogs gotta go i take em out and this one is a new young boy..had him a month...doing so well..i had one i just lost who had an illness..he'd wake me up to take him out poor guy i don't make them hold it...they r my kids....magical dogs....have been there for me in time of need when the humans aren't!have a good day!

[TJack]

Well yeah potty training is another story.  Got to stay on top of that.
Just had to tell you my eye never showed.  Sunglasses stayed on, we ate[outside and i kept them on in the nail room because it has a big window with lots of light. yay!   I just didn't want to have to go into it and even with lots of make up on it is still BAD!  I hope it is gone by Monday or the sun keeps shining.  Have a good weekend.  I am whipped.  Feel exhausted like a slug.  gonna lay down for awhile.  take care. Tonya

[ibizan]

new big boy fresh off the racetrack.He is a very good boy and getting the hang of a house good.going 2 go visit my 89 year old mom 2 day..in hospital with congestive heart failure and stomach problems they won't do tests on for the prep would probably kill her.She has Lewy Body Dementia as well.I hate seeing her in pain and such confusion.Lost my dad 2 years ago.We r rounding a new journey with her...she was always so proud of me that i stopped the drinking/drugging...always remembered my sobriety dates!Her leaving this world is coming we all feel it...my animals r such a comfort to me!So glad ur doing better...have a good one!:)))

[TJack]

I am so sorry to hear of your Mom's health problems.  Mine lives in Tulsa and is slipping mentally and physically.  I don't know how much longer she will be able to live alone.
It is the circle of life, but we don't like to think about it until we have to , it seems to me.
Hope your Mom is having a good day when you see her and Bless her.
We will fly to Tulsa the first part of Sept. to see mine and other family.  Too much happeneding with Ed's dad right now.  bladder cancer, chemo and that is just to keep it at bay.  no surgery or other treatment.  Pain pills are controling that at this time.
I am headed back to bed now. this is turning into a habit.  up at 3;or 3;30.  Back for more sleep.  Hang in there. I am.  The shiner is a little better this morning.   Probably be another week though before it is gone.   Tonya

[ibizan]

2day was first day my mom i didn't recognize me when i walked in2 her hospital room.I knew this day would come.then her doctor discharged her minus arrangements being solidified at nursing home..my sis sed well they won't throw her out..nurse marched in room and said she can't stay her..ur taking her outta here 2 day!my bro and i were stunned..i wanted to knock her teeth down her throat for my mom looked confused and began to cry.long story short a ton of phone calls to get on ppls butts about having things ready when we got there.....we got her settled and she began to weep about how she never thought she'd get the way she is...she is the mom and posed to help us.....god i cried and my stomach still hurts!yes this friggin life circle!i need a nap 2 after i feed these dogs and cats!SOBER...sonofabitcheverythingsreal!

[TJack]

Oh Hon i am so sorry.  Where is the compassion with these medical people these days?
It is unreal.  Your poor Mom, bless her heart.  I feel for the hurt that you and your family are going through.  Yes, dear it is the circle of life.  we don't deal with it well in our culture.  I think it is different in other parts of the world, or so i hear.  All we can do is love them and be there for them as much as we can.  I know my Mom won't be able to be alone for too much longer.  I usually fly back there  2 or 3 times a year, to tulsa, but this year has been tough wtih all my addiction problems.  But, will be there the first of Sept.  We just never know from one day to the next what to expect.  Get some rest and let your animals comfort you.  Hang in there.  Tonya

[ibizan]

thank u dear...is there other family close to ur mom out there?u do ur damndest to stay sober hon,for when the day comes that she really declines she'll need u so much and u must b there strong sober....i feel such a crapload of emotions...but i do know that alcohol/drugs could never kill the angst i feel.....she wouldn't want that....and that dealing with this naturally is the only way!chemical coping doesn't solve a thing!my bro told her she's changed medically so much...and that she must go one day atta time..i said slower..one hour atta time!animals r a comfort.......God is dog spelled backwards!:)))

[working dog]

sorry to hear this news...hang in there....billy

[TJack]

Yes, a couple of half brothers.  They are in real poor health but do what they can and some of their kids are good to help her.   You are right as rain on staying drug free, sober and ready for anything.  That is one more reason i have to make this work.
Stress does such a number on our bodies and minds.  Hug up with a dog or two and get some good rest tonight and you will be ready for another day tomorrow.
I am yawning and it is only 8.  I guess i want to go to bed so i can get up at 3 for awhile, brother. what a habit!   Hang in there.  Hugs to you, Tonya

[ibizan]

i'm hanging billy!i hear my dad coaching us all along and my bro is a a trooper..got 2 stay well and somewhat sound of mind to help my mom thru this time and to take care of these dogs like we know they take care of us!hope all is well with u and ur family!2leggeds and 4's!:))))))

[ibizan]

well yes its another day..got some rest some good coffee and loving big greyhound nose in my face!glad there is some family to help ur mom out there..that is so important for i have learned that if ur elderly and don't have help u r pushed aside in a cultrue that values youth and producing......when these things r gone ppl seem to be devalued.We r advocates for my mom....and a good sober head helps me clear it focus meditate pray and do what i know i must to keep..as my dad would always say...forge ahead!

[TJack]

Great message for me on this Sunday morning.  Glad you got rest.  I did also and my coffee is just finished brewing.  So will grab a cup and finish this. ahhhhhhhh  now i am set.  One good thing about where my Mom lives, apartment building for elderly, my niece is the manager and she checks on her often and brings her lunch sometimes when she goes out to get hers.  But her mental state worries me more than anything.
I know the dementia is setting in.  We all have to deal with these things as our parents age.  My father in law has bladder cancer and Ed is able to help his Mom with appts. here.  Which is good, as she is 78 and doesn't always get everything right, as far as what the dr. says.  He is just having chemo ocassionally and there will be no surgery.
Just wants to stay out of pain and around as long as he can be.  He will be 84 in Oct.
Your Dad had great words of wisdom>> forge ahead!  So true.  Just like Keep on keeping on, staying on track.  I was in the grocery store yesterday and actually made myself proud, stayed away from the wine aisle.  Got a shaken green tea from starbucks, my new addiction.  YAY!   Have  a great day.  Hope it is warm there in Ohio, still cloudy and cool here. June 1 and cold.  I am ready for the sun to come back and stay awhile!!

[ibizan]

oh i love the shaken green tea...try the lemonade shaken tea a much better refreshing option than the wine!!!......very good!that is good about ur niece looking in on ur mom....is ur dad gone?my dad was a very wise man....his words echo in my head.it is 72 here sunny and breezy....would like it to stay this way all summer!

[TJack]

Lucky you 72 and sunny.  We will have it one of these days.  About 66 and cloudy here but the sun may break through.     I will try the lemonade,tea next time. sounds good.
My Dad died when i was 2 and a half.  My step dad was a jekyl and hyde.  Thus part of my problem.  Trying to be perfect and even then never knew if he would flip out and he would.  so, lots to deal with and forget.  I have forgiven.  And i did love him for some things, but how do you get past the cruelty.  My therapist is going to help me, i can tell already.  Enjoy your sunshine!    oh, my shiner is slightyly better.  Wonder how they will feel with me leaving my sunglasses on while i have a mamogram (mammogram) in the morning? ha

[ibizan]

had a shaken blacktea with lemonade and today and toasted u!i think forgiveness is putting all those emotions in a box and placing them somewhere so they no longer control u......cruelty is very hard to get past......i had a lot from my x and don't think i'll ever forgive him for it.....i did the best for myself and removed him from my life.accch!mammograms...the old proverbial mashed breast!but a necessary evil for ur own health...my mom has been  a breast cancer survivor for 25 years....she is quite the role model for me!

[TJack]

You definitely have to have your mamos then, since your Mom went through it.
When will you see her next?   I hope she will be more at peace and calm and
know you.  Maybe she was just really upset yesterday and that played a role in
the situation.  I feel for you Hon.  Hang in there!   That is so awesome that she is
your role model.  I love my Mom very much, but sometimes wonder why she stood by and watched the cruelty and then i realize, she was afraid too.  So, time has helped with all of that.

[TJack]

Your post kind of confuses me.  I certainly don't think ww3 will be a cure for anything.
You are in the UK, don't they believe in taking from the rich and giving to the poor over there?  Surely there is help for you somewhere, health clinic, clergy, prayer if you are a believer.  Do you have AA?  Go, they will help you.  You are awful young to be giving up on life and drinking yourself to death.  Don't give up!  Get some optimism and get with it.
Nothing in life is worth a hoot if it isn't worth fighting for!  So fight for your life.  TJ