Can I really quit it alone?

I keep messing up. I definitely cut back, no drinking for two weeks at a time but then I drink one night...feel bad next day, go another 2 weeks clean and over and over.. It doesn't feel good even when I drink but it's been a pattern for 3 months now.. Can I quit by myself or is it inevitable to go and seek help in a different way? My husband cut back too but drinks beer and wine pretty much every day so it is constantly in my face. I don't think it's the issue though..more so I guess I am weak and don't distract myself with something else when the craving comes. I don't know, any input? Wishing you all the best:-)

[Nighthawk61]

HI Sweetface, I don't think that you're weak at all. It would be incredibly hard had I had a partner that was drinking daily, in fact, I don't think I could have held onto any length of recovery my self. As such, my husband and I quit together in 99, and haven't looked back. I really think that you should reach out for help from Alanon, firstly, to find help with living your own life in recovery while trying to disassociate with your husband's drinking. Also, it is important that you have clean and sober friends in recovery, and the best place to find that is in AA. IMO. I'll be praying for you that the light turns on for your husband to recognize why you are quitting and how negatively you're being affected by him drinking in front of you. Maybe he would smoke a bit of bud, instead? and it wouldn't be such a trigger for you? Many go that way. It's not ideal, but it's a better scenario, I would think.  If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I don't think You are weak!!

Many say alcoholism is a disease and so it may be BUT alcohol IS addictive.  If AnyOne drinks often enough, or drinks long enough, One's body becomes addicted to alcohol - Sorta like a pickle:

When it first goes into the brine it is a cucumber, but leave that cucumber in the brine long enough and it WILL become a pickle.  Some cucumbers become pickles sooner than others - BUT if You leave the cucumbers in the brine long enough - eventually EVERY cucumber WILL become a pickle!

Same way with people:  Any and Every One who drinks long enough WILL eventually become addicted because alcohol IS an addictive substance.  Like a cucumber - some become addicted sooner than others but given enough time, at SOME point EveryOne will become addicted. - You, Me, EVERYone.

In the beginning, We all drink for the "buzz" - but with time, it takes more alcohol to get that buzz, and with more time - we no longer get that "buzz" but we still "seek" it - and then we become addicted and all H ell breaks loose!!  Alcohol IS a drug and it destroys people and families just like all other drugs.

Personally, I have never done drugs of any kind but I have been told:

"There is no High like the first High - and from that point on - a drug user is always chasing that "first high" - He never achieves it again, but in the "chasing", eventually, becomes an addict.  I think it's the same with alcohol.  One becomes "conditioned" and with time and quantity, becomes addicted.

There is help, aid, assistance, education - please seek out whatever is helpful to You - and I hope Your Husband will join You.

Regards,
Tink

[OpenMind24hours]

I decided to go to AA. It's the only program that works for me. Don't get me wrong, this ISN"T an AA forum/community. I'm just saying, it's the program that works for me. I got 27 1/2 years completely sober and happy, until I took one Vicodin for an injury, which led me back to alcohol and Vicodin abuse.

Why did I need to go to AA in the beginning? For one, I hated to cut down!! Couldn't stand it. On "no drinking days" (not weeks like you lol) I was depressed and grumpy to my family. I tried "sober days". I'd drink on Tuesdays & Thursdays during the week (so I could actually think creatively at my job) and then get totally "lost" on the weekends starting Friday at 6pm. And I had two little kids who didn't have their dad sober on weekends. Well, the "off" days turned into beer only days and the "get lost" days turned into half-gallons of good Scotch Whiskey. And every day was pot and tranquilizers. Beer only became 12-packs and more. Nothing I did worked for me so I finally went to AA in 1982. Being an Alcoholic, I simply can't predict what's going to happen after the first drink. I'm powerless over Alcohol or any other mind altering chemical.

I tell my simple story just in case someone can identify with some small part of it. We learn in AA to never call anyone an Alcoholic. They'll know if they are or not. We have a saying "if you want to drink, that's your business. If you want help to stop drinking, then it becomes our business". That also goes for this community. Here you'll find folks more than willing to help. Best wishes! -Robert    

[sweetface7]

Thank you so much for taking time and commenting on my post, I so appreciate it and am grateful.:-) Alcohol has done so much harm to me personally I think more than the one around me. I wish my husband wouldn't say..oh, you were so cute (drinking last night). I understand I am a bit more grumpy when I try to get on the healthy path but I am sure that all will pass too when I feel better. I will work harder at this, I have to. Good luck to you all, you're my inspiration.

[guido710]

I am 49 years old and decided to quit drinking and smoking 6 days ago cold turkey.  I have smoked since 4th grade and in the past ten years it has become very heavily (sometimes 2-3 packs per day).  I've been drinking heavily since I was in high school.  Gave up hard alcohol about 10 years ago and only drank beer for most of that time.  Recently I've found myself drinking vodka again and sometimes 3-4 bottles of wine in a quick couple hour evening.  Otherwise, I'd drink 12-20 beers per night.  I've been lucky but for some reason I feel my luck is running out and my health is starting to suffer.  It has almost destroyed my family...actually it has in more ways than one.  I have three children (20, 18 and 14). My son got a DUI at age 19.  His life has changed.  I spent very little time with them growing up like a father should because I was feeding my addictions.  I want this to work and I know that it's one day at a time.  I won't bore you with anymore details.  Try to keep yourself busy with things that feel good.  Whatever that is.  I've started reading a lot and I'm actually getting things accomplished around the house.  Now it's time to get my binge drinking wife to quit.  That's a whole different story.  You can do it!

[sweetface7]

Guido710..you do not bore me or anybody with anything you just said.. It's amazingly helpful to me to know there are people just like me trying to get this figured out. It's so hard after years of pretending it was ok to l
ive that way.. I keep my fingers crossed for us to live better and healthier.  :-)

[ibizan]

Congrats on the decision to quit!i'm 29 years sober/clean.....and both of u must have regular contact w/other ppl in recovery who r doing what ur doing!Be that AA some support group or church if ur so inclined...its a MUST!i wouldn't have gotten as far as i have minus this!i attended AA/NA religiously for the first 9 years of my recovery!And the ppl in my life today i'm close to drink so little and not @ me or they don't drink at all!it would be so hard to stay sober w/a drinking partner or one who enables u!So i hope u both find other ppl in recovery and pls keep us posted here!

[Nighthawk61]

HI Sweetface, I don't think that you're weak at all. It would be incredibly hard had I had a partner that was drinking daily, in fact, I don't think I could have held onto any length of recovery my self. As such, my husband and I quit together in 99, and haven't looked back. I really think that you should reach out for help from Alanon, firstly, to find help with living your own life in recovery while trying to disassociate with your husband's drinking. Also, it is important that you have clean and sober friends in recovery, and the best place to find that is in AA. IMO. I'll be praying for you that the light turns on for your husband to recognize why you are quitting and how negatively you're being affected by him drinking in front of you. Maybe he would smoke a bit of bud, instead? and it wouldn't be such a trigger for you? Many go that way. It's not ideal, but it's a better scenario, I would think.  If you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me.

[sweetface7]

I think in our case this might as well be a genius idea. He agreed! No alcohol and he'll smoke a bit instead, that won't trigger me 'cause I dislike weed. Not ideal but this might work!!! I will see how this goes. He has smoked in his 20ties and 30ties and never drank like he does in his 40ties when he doesn't smoke.. I will give this a try and look into finding a group of people/new friends for support. I really would like to believe I can do it on my own but maybe it a naive and lazy thinking. THANK YOU:-))

[ibizan]

The weed might not trigger u but what i've seen is that switching seats on the titanic-labeling booze the culprit and moving to another substance will result in the return to the chemical of choice!But he will have to find this out for himself!
I'm glad u can see ur thinking as naive and lazy that u can do this all on ur own.....it may last for a little while but not for the long term......but that is something you 2 will have to find out 4 urself!:)

[sweetface7]

So far so good, he only has a couple of beers a night, no wine, liquor or weed so let's hope it lasts. But honestly right now I don't care, I think of me first even though it may be selfish. I will worry about that later. I am going to my first meeting next week:) I don't want my own sobriety to last just for a little while, it has to be for good. Thank you:-)

[Nighthawk61]

Wow sweetface, great news on all fronts. Are you staying out of the way then while he's having his beer? I can't wait to hear what you think of AA. It's often good to go to a "closed, women's meeting" in order to feel the most connection, and it makes it easier by the format to get to know people personally and make friends. I can't wait to hear how things are progressing for you and your husband. Good job working through this, and getting results.

[sweetface7]

Nighthowk, you're so wonderful!!!! I actually am going tomorrow already, not sure if it's women only but that is ok..I'll see. You're right, I may be in a desperate need to find some friends I can be honest with. So I am excited:-) As far as the beer, I never drank beer just tons and tons of wine, sometimes liquor so it doesn't bother me and 4 evenings a week I work till 10 or 11pm at my job so I am not really gonna even be around it..taking those evening shifts on purpose;-) for now..

[ibizan]

Glad u moved that meeting up to REAL SOON vs.next week!let us know how it went!

[sweetface7]

I don't want to sound ignorant or disrespectful in any way but I was not raised to believe in God and it stack with me even though of course I respect everybody who does.. Is it weird to say that the first AA meeting was freaking me out because of the God, higher power etc..? I am trying to read the book, keep an open mind..well, I will keep going:-)

[ibizan]

there are many who've gone to AA and found the God thing not their thing....many look @ the power of the group helping each other as THE power!none of us will ever know if there's a God until we die....i'm having my doubts...and have had...watching my beloved mother being devoured by Lewy Body Dementia and atop that colon/stomach cancer:(check in ur area for these types of meetings.....Rational Recovery.....SOS....Secular Organization for Sobriety....SMART...these are alternatives to AA that leave God out of it!there is a saying......go in w/ a basket in ur head...take what u can use that helps....and leave the rest there!