Confused

I have been living with someone that has a severe drinking and drug problem.   He is verbally abusive when he drinks and has bipolar disorder but does not take his medication.   I have chosen to walk away from the situation because I can no longer help him or deal with his pain and abuse.  His family has blamed me for leaving him and walking away and feels that I do not care.   They do not know all that I have gone through with this man.    Do you have any advise on how I can get his family and mine to understand how I feel?

[BluCrystal]

One word: CODEPENDENCY.  This is what happens to families and close freinds of an addict.  They find them selves helping to further the addiction by avoiding conflict, helping with money, ignoring the lies about the addiction, making excuses for the addict's behavior, and by NOT loving this person enough to just let them fall and hit rock bottom on their own!  This is what the addict needs to get a real-heads-up about their problem.  They need to see that no one will help them in their addiction in any way, shape, or form.  In this way, they can hopefully see that the addiction is hurting themselves as well as those around them.  It is a scary thing to have to do for someone you love.  You have to refuse giving financial help, as well as refuse to listen to any tirades.  You have to leave them ALONE... and that seems wrong but in the case of the addict, it is not.  This allows them to find out on their own exactly what got them into the mess they are in.  They may have to go to jail, become jobless, or homeless.  I know someone who still, to this day lives in a tent in the woods and collects cans for money to feed himself... and will still steal to get drugs.  You never know what it will take for someone  to 'wake up' from addiction, look it in the face and say to themselves 'drugs are my problem and i want to get off them'.  I hope this helps you! - Blu

[lifeishardattimes]

My advice is to let his family deal with him.. then they WILL see what you've been going through. Don't worry about what they think. Atleast you aren't married to him right? That's a good thing.. no strings attatched.. unless you co own some kind of property.. get out while you can and tell him you'll be there for him when he's ready to change. I KNOW how it is to live with an alcoholic and his family not listen.. it hurts.. but in my case I'm married.. No one will know what you've been through if they don't live through it..

Blu, I KNOW exactly what you mean about the families avoiding conflict with the problem.. it's a royal pain in the @$$ !!

[Punkinhead75]

You did the right thing as far as gettingout of there.  It's not easy to do.  I had to do it myself.  If getting the family to understand your side of things is important to you then the best you can do is talk to them.  You can't force them to understand or see your side.  Just like you can't force someone to stop using.  Give it a shot.  If they still don't see then let it go.  Be secure knowing you did the right thing.  We have to take care of ourselves.  Good luck!!!