Detox

I posted a little while ago, but I have another issue hanging out there.  I am trying to do the best for myself, counseling, nutrition, exercise, etc.  I had a bad week last week and both my counselors suggested I go to detox, even though I've been there three times before.  The difference between now and then is that the first time I went, I couldn't write my name and I tried to be enthusiastic about their programs.  
Although I have no trouble writing now, I am sleepwalking and falling in the middle of the night.  I have also become an "angry drunk" who refuses help.  I truly hated every moment of detox when I went before.  This is solely because the place they want me to go to now has 12-step program meetings and group therapy during the week.  I hate both of these concepts.  I also couldln't eat the food because I am a vegetarian.  I can barely talk about my problems to anyone in person.  I know this therapy is helpful to many and I don't discourage detox for anyone who needs it.  However, the last time I went, I literally didn't sleep at all, did not eat and could not bring myself to participate in anything.  I feel, though, that by going, my family who is hurt by my long term problem, would feel so much better if I went.  I was scheduled to go today and I cancelled.  My parents and siblings are devestated.  In fact, writing this is making me cry.  I wonder if I should suck it up and go for four or five days.

[spanky595]

    Sounds like you need more help with your problems.  I would see someone who deals with emotional and physiological problems.  They might be able to prescribe meds. that will help you.  Like a anti-depressant non narcotic.

[rpooo]

How do you think you are going to benefit from detox if you refuse to participate in anything? You have a very serious problem yet you’re not willing to do anything uncomfortable for you to correct it. You even contradict your self-saying "  I am trying to do the best for myself, counseling, nutrition, exercise, etc." then later you say "also couldn’t eat the food because I am a vegetarian" and " I can barely talk about my problems to anyone in person." So tell me since this is your problem and nobody else’s, how do you plan to fix it?

I'll tell you how, you’re going to go back to detox and you’re going to stay for the entire thing. Also you’re going to eat what you can and participate in every stage, step or activity as requested. This is the way it’s done. The only other method available is to do it on your own and honestly judging from your post I don't think you got it in you.

You know how I know you’re going to do this? It’s because you know the consequences of drinking. You seem to be pretty young judging from your post. Do you really want to spend your entire life a drunk just waiting for that one day the doctor tells you your screwed? That’s what I did!

Diagnosed 3-23-10
End stage Cirrhosis of the liver
Age: 38

Randy

[ibizan]

right on boy.....i second that emotion!:)

[Punkinhead75]

Some folks will say keep looking until ya find a program that will work for you.  Others may say put your feelings aside and get with a program that works.  I've seen both answers and I've seen both have positive results.  Me, I had to keep on drinking and drugging till I was willing to do whatever it took to get sober.  Let me tell ya, hitting bottom ***** however it provided me with the butt kicking I needed to want to do things somebody elses way--- a way that works.  Right now it seems as though you have a choice as to what type of treatment you want.  When I was at my bottom it was either take the free program being offered (AA) or keep on drinking.  It's been over 6yrs now since I first came into the program and I am coming up on 5yrs clean and sober.

You said you hate the concepts.  My suggestion to you is to stop thinking about it and actually give it an honest try.  Get through all twelve steps and see how you feel about the experience.

For what it is worth there was a guy here that to the best of my knowledge got sober without a 12 step program.  I'll send you a note with his name.  I haven't seen him in awhile but maybe he can help.  

Please keep coming and sharing.  It is great to hear you.

[rpooo]

I quit with out the help of AA or any other program. I hope you dont mind me asking but what is hitting bottom? For me it was cirrhosis! Does Crash wait for it?

Randy

[Punkinhead75]

Hi rpooo!  Bottom can be different for everybody but for me it was the point where I became willing to do what was necessary to change.  As far as waiting for it,...that's a tough question.  This disease isn't something to fool around with.  That being said I don't believe someone has to necessarily be drinking to hit a bottom.  I think we just have to be tired of living the way we are and become willing to do anything to change.  

I understand that there are other methods ppl use to get sober.  I just have no personnal experience with any of it other than trying on my own and swearing never to drink again.  I was unsuccessful with those.  I think it is great that you have gotten sober and are doing well.  You have a great story and I personally find it inspiring.  Keep doing what you do.  Take care buddy!!