I am a 20 year old kid, I never really drank until high school until I started going to parties. After that I would get pretty drunk when I went out like 6 beers and all... This continued until high school ended. After that I would still party on weekends mostly... I don't know numbers and volumes of what I drank, but when I drink... I MUST GET DRUNK, having two or three beers at a club or a party is my idea of a ****** night. I also know that I am hopelessly addicted to marijuana and spend WAYYYY to much money and time on it... I crave the "pressure" I feel in my head when I take that first toke. I have tried lots of other drugs from coke, to MDMA, acid, shrooms, ketamine these were mostly a good time and all but they are not things I actively seek out... The cocaine though I will do ANYTIME it is present, happily, gleefully etc. I also come home after work sometimes and CRAVE intoxication of some kind be it a cigarette or a joint mostly. This all being said I am a functional human being I am able to keep a job and show up on time and mentally present about 95% of the time, people see me as being a pretty normal guy I think... I simply can not make heads or tails of the thing, I feel like I have a handle on it. I WOULD talk to my rents about it or my doctor but they are friends AND my parents are HARDLINE christian so talking to them about this type of problem is hardly an option as I am more likely to get an emotional response from them than any actual useful help or advice.
I'm 56 yrs.old,28 yrs.sober/clean and u just wrote a summary on my hx of alcoholism/drug addiction!my nickname used to be MaryJoUana!!!!Addiction is summed up by drinking 2 get drunk,loss of control over the amount u use,and continuing to use despite the problems it caused u.Plus getting REAL anxious and craving it when u don't have it!liquid or otherwise!I decided to recover at 28....and did not have much support from my family...my mom and brother were understanding but no one else.I had to do it FOR ME!i'm quite lucky i didn't kill anyone as a result of my drunk driving...or overdose w/the combos of alcohol/other drugs i used 2 pump in2 my system.U only have ONE life....and the light bulb has gone ON upstairs regarding this...u need to seek guidance from a good alcohol/drug abuse counselor at ur local county agency.That would be a good start!
I agree with everything Ibizan said. You seem like your at the beginning, of what could turn in to a nightmare. Stop now. I would give anything to be able to see my addictive behavior and stop it early. As it is, I'm 39 and trying hard YET AGAIN to live a clean life. It gets harder and harder to do, the longer you give in to your addictive nature. Good luck, I hope you make the right choice.
You are heading down a very deadly path. At the rate you are going it wont be to long before you are just a shell of a body. Those "high" times will soon become your biggest living nightmare. Jail or prison becomes our 2nd home. You are not exempt from this. Please reach out to someone and get some help with this. There is something that is driving you to numb yourself. I have been where you are at. I am 51 yrs old now and was given a 2nd chance at life, i was lucky.
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