Drunk Black Outs

I'm in a relationship with this female. We are both in Korea, and we've both got issues that we're working on. Everyone does. Well......we were at a friends barracks, and since it was social, I thought that I'd have a little alcohol to ease the mood a bit, because everyone else was except for my fiance, since she's pregnant. Now the baby isn't mine, but I've already told her I'd gladly raise her as my own. And....I only drank a little, I said that I was gettin dizzy, it felt different than normal dizzy from alcohol. The next thing I know, I became aware that I was in the shower, and she was gettin my clothes off, apparently I had puked on them, and then after that I woke up the next morning in a different room. I didn't even know if I was in the same barracks. After she came back, she....was a little distant. I asked her what happened, and she said that I did some things, that.....were not nice. Apparently as I was puking, I was repeating, "I have to get the demons out." Then she told me that.....I had hit her....multiple times...and.....I felt....I felt like...I wanted to die. I did. She didn't tell me where I hit her, only hinted at certain points about how she'd be very depressed and all out loathing of me. Apparently I had hit her in the face, in the arm, and in the stomach. She said that when I hit her in the stomach I said, "I don't want Brianna, she's not mine." and I proceeded to hit her in the stomach. When she told me this, I....I broke. I think I went into shock, I'm not sure, but....I told them all that I didn't remember anything. Not even when I really blacked out. And it scares me now. She's scared of me now. She asked me when I was in bed the next day, "Why did you try to kill my baby?!?", and I just.....I blanked and fell back asleep. I was mortified about what I did. I...didn't think that something like that would happen. So...my question is, was there a viable reason that I tried to kill my daughter? Please...any help...would be greatful. I don't want this to ever happen again. If you want to rebuke me, that's fine, I deserve it for what I did, but......I need help.

[dominosarah]

I have a feeling your drink was laced with something.  I hope this awful event will make you see the light here.  We can change the mood of any setting we are in without alcohol.  What happened is something you are going to have to live with and deal with.  I would also take a real hard look at the so called friends you are hanging with.   Your girlfriend has every right to be afraid right now.  Your actions will speak louder than words at this point.  Hopefully she will see that you are serious about stopping this behavior.  Please stick around and we will be here to support you.  When is the baby due?

[rod44]

Hi,
There can never be a viable reason for trying to kill your daughter or anyone for that matter however as dominosarah said your drink could have been spiked with some thing. Listen to the advice you just got and you may have some hope of salvaging your relationship and prevent a repeat of this ugly behaviour that could have caused the death of both mother and child..

best wishes to you in dealing with your issues, any help i can offer just ask
Ray