End Stage Alcoholism

[Gettingout]

My fiance is End Stage Alcoholism. He's 64 years old heavy smoker 3-4 packs a day,  and a heavy drinker bottle Whiskey/Wine a day, has been doing this for 30 years. He nearly died in 06. In the Hospital he was diagnosed with COPD and Cirrhosis, suffers from many other Medical Conditions, such as confusion, memory loss, fatigue, gastrological pain (this happens nearly daily), plus many others. He refuses all medical treatment and is NOT under a doctors care his choice. I was told by the ER that if he didn't stop drinking/smoking he would be lucky to be alive within a four year period. He's now in his third year. I no longer can stay in this situation as he is getting worst. We have been together for 7 years all been surrounded by his Alcoholism.

My dream of getting married to him will never happen. This I realized years ago. I have left him several times for months, just returned two weeks ago, but cannot take his verbal, emotional and physiological and financail abuse anymore and am leaving him yet again within days. Because he no longer has a Law Practice and is only working part time. He has financial problems has already had a Bankruptcy again him, and now always tries to get his hands on my money. Tries to make me feel guilty stating I owe him, as he's my Attorney, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be where I am today, all of this is untrue, I know this.

It sadness me to see the man I fall in love with, destroying himself this way, but it's his choice, he's had all the opportunity to get help and is in total denial, and refuses help. Several times, I had to watch him while he has trouble breathing, go  very cold,  go very red, with fluid retention. Tells me do not call 911, if I die then I'm at peace. How he survived, was in Gods hands. I cannot go through this again. It's just too emotional for me.

To make matters worst, he's an Attorney and he uses this with his treats towards me. He say he would destroy me if I every speak out against him towards any of his Associates or family. They do not see him like I do. To them he's a great man, kind, caring and an Excellent Attorney.

He has all the Negative Attitudes and Medical Conditions of End Stage Alcoholism. He's only now just a Functional Alcoholic. For the past two years it's been very hard, knowing  any day he could die from Alcoholism/Over-the-Counter medication that he takes.

When I go away, I'm under Counceling, have tried Al-
Anon however this doesn't work for me. It's a great Organization, but not for me. I'm happy with the Treatment I'm receiving as this is why I'm stronger now and will not enable him or myself anymore. I must leave for both our sakes.

On a Medical note, my question is, was I advise correctly by the ER  Doctors that when an Alcoholic reaches End Stage (Third Stage Alcoholism) it last up to four years, if no treatment is given?                

[Gettingout]

Thank you for your support. We have an ER Nurse living next door at the Hospital he went too and still hasn't paid. She told me that, it's a miracle he's still alive and when it hits him it will be horrible and sudden, he's actually doesn't have much time.

I will be there for the family when he does pass away. I would love for him to go and get tested with everything, just so I really do know where his body is, and for him to do something about his Alcoholism but I know this will never happen. I even have suspected he has tried suicide on several occasions.    

[boogieman]

hello. like ibi said, a medical workup would be necessary to establish any sort of expectancy. the stages of alcoholism are not characterized by things like enzyme levels or other physiological parameters, but rather behavioral issues. there are actually four classic alcoholism stages that correspond to thought and behavior patterns. secondary conditions such as liver disease and cancer are classified in stages according to physiological deterioration and biochemical markers. so to answer your question, it sounds like he should already be dead. he's likely not going to be around much longer, especially with continued drinking with cirrhosis, but the human body will withstand incredible amounts of abuse. irregardless of his situation, you are doing the right thing by getting out of the situation. it's not your responsibility to do anything more. free will lets us choose between life and death to a point, and you still have that where he has apparently already decided. i know this is painful to endure----i watched my father die as his organs disintegrated from the inside out---and yes, it was horrible. you have the answer----just get out and live your life---and try to put this behind you. it will get better in time. take care,   gm

[Gettingout]

If you notice I said he's not under ANY doctor care absolutely refuses all medical treatment. This is why I asked my question.  I also have no intention on stopping him doing what he does. When I return only last week from beginning away for seven months, the first day he became verbal abusive too me, that's was my home coming. hence, me leaving again. He's personality has changed to beginning very angry, agitated, and out of control drunk every day/night. Plus his physcial appearance has changed has sores over his chest, very red and bloated. I feel he's coming too the end of his life.

[ibizan]

u r very wise to be getting out!Save Yourself woman!Regarding the exact time frame with end stage alcoholism only his personal physician armed with the results of his labwork liver and pancreatic functioning could accurately predict his time frame for living.This man sounds like he is not intersted in living only destroying himself and u cannot stop that!