Getting Worse

[mel1121809]

I used to be able to wait until my husband got home before I would think of drinking. Now by 3:30 I feel like it's ok to have a drink because it's only an hour and a half until he gets home.I was also wondering if it is the same amount of damage if you drink a bottle of wine or more, or 12-14 beers, or a pint of liquor?

[FriaryGrad]

I think you're going to want to admit you have a serious drinking problem, and realize that if you are an alcoholic (like me) that it is a disease that is virtually impossible to control without assistance.  All drinking that you cannot control (a bottle of wine or more, l2-4 beers, or pint of liquor) is very, very bad for you. There is no "good alcoholism."  There is,however, unbelievable sobriety.  Have you thought about WHY you need alcohol at 3:30 in the afternoon?  What feelings are you covering up or "drowning" rather than facing?  If you drink when you intended not to, drink more than you planned, drink before going out to get a "head start," or can't stop at all if you take the first drink, then you are drinking like an alcoholic.  It isn't just the quantity, which will only increase over time, which tells you that you have a problem with alcohol. It is your relationship with alcohol, and its importance to you, as part of your daily life, that tells you if you have a problem. Do you feel anxious if you can't have a drink at a time you expected to be sitting with a glass of wine?  If friends want to go to a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol, will you suggest another place, or drink before you go?  I did all that -- and more -- but since I hadn't "hit bottom" I didn't admit I had a problem until I had a BIG problem.  If you're feeling this way now, but it's just beginning, you might want to share your concern with your husband and doctor. And go to an AA meeting and talk to people there. Tell them you have questions -- no one is going to lecture you at all.  They ARE going to say "I did that" and "I felt that way" and "I remember when I was exactly where you are now.'  But remember that you don't have to hit a low bottom -- address your problem now, and treat it as being in the early stages of a disease, just like you would being in the early stage of any disease. You'd get treatment, right?  BTW, you husband might drink just as much or more than you, but what is HIS relationship with alcohol?  Can he take it or leave it a lot easier than you?  Or does he have a problem too?  My point is,don't benchmark yourself off another drinker, because there is so much more to being an alcoholic than how much you drink.  Take care and stay in touch.......and go to AA.  Go at 3:30 one day (or before) and talk to people waiting for the meeting to start, and ask them if they think it would be good for you.  You will meet people from all walks of life -- and you will find that they all understand you so well, and will go to any lengths to support you. You might like a women's meetings - I do, but they are all good. Check the AA website for your city, and check it out. There are no commitments at all.  Just friends you haven't met yet.......

[Tink70]

Boy does THAT sound familiar!!!  I remember those days for me!  It started off not drinking until 5:30pm - the "normal" time when people were off of work and having "happy hour".  I was a stay at home mom and I'd have the drinks ready for me and my husband and we'd have a few and I'd cook dinner and yada yada and then it escalated to me already having one right before he got home and then us drinking a few and dinner to me having two before he got home and so on and then by the time I looked, I had downed an entire bottle of wine BEFORE my son was out of preschool and then stopped off to buy more on the way back from picking him up from preschool and then had the the few drinks with my husband before dinner and then didn't eat dinner and........well, drinking for me started at Noon pretty soon and didn't end until I 1. passed out  2. threw up 3. ran out!  But, HEY!  I'm an alcoholic.  I tried to stop when I was at the point you were at.....it lasted 2 days.  It was a horrid two days....I went to detox a couple of times after that...then finally hit my bottom and went to rehab.  Been sober over 2 years now.  I sure do remember where you are though...I wanted to stop so bad and I couldn't.  I needed that drink and it was like it called to me and I couldn't resist it.  I went to bed every night and prayed for God to take me in my sleep and was so glad that he hadn't when I woke up cause I had three children that were counting on me but I was usually too drunk to really take care of them.  They got fed, and clothed but that was about it.  I even switched my liquors around - beer, then wine, then whiskey, then back to wine then ultimately it was the whiskey that won out.  I'd mark the bottle and promise myself not to drink past the line but I always did....
I remember where you are.....I'm glad I'm not there anymore....

[mel1121809]

Wow, I really appreciate your response. I can not believe how similar my life is to where yours used to be. I am also a stay at home Mom and I am really trying hard to get through the days without alcohol. I do better during the week because I fell too guilty, like I am not being a good Mom, but during the weekends when my husband is home I usually start around noon or 1:30. I tell myself that it is summer so it's okay and after this summer I will not do that anymore, but I fear that by that time I may have caused so much damage to my stomach and liver that I will die and never see my daughter grow up. Did you have any long term damage to your body and I was also wondering how long you lived like that before you found the strength to get help? I am so envious of you and wish I could find the strength to just stop. I don't even know why I decide to drink everyday, it has just become routine. I just realized how serious a problem I have and even though I am still drinking on a daily basis, I have cut back on the amount so I don't black out as often as I used to and I am really trying to not even get drunk, just buzzed. I don't know how much damage I have already done but I am having trouble eating. For some reason I just don't have an appetite so I have to force myself to eat. I am too scared to go to the doctor, I am just trying to slowly stop drinking on my own. I really hope that I finally find the strength, like brave people like yourself, and give up the booze and be the mother my child deserves!!!