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Getting off alcohol
I've finally decided after very heavy drinking for about the last 2 years, ever-increasing tolerance, and lying to myself and those around me that I have to quit.  I'm planning on trying the home detox method by gradually cutting back, giving the bottle to my guy when he goes to work (I work at home doing transcription).  I have a prescription for Klonopin that I can refill next week and figured this would help some with the jitters.  

Lately, I've been drinking about a 5th a day to every 3 days.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to do this without going through a hospital, but I'm going to try.

Any suggestions from you guys would be very much appreciated.

By the way, this is my first post, and I'm glad I found this place!
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u r so right....life changes and not for the best a lot...when we practice these recovery tools on the poop it does get us through...bad days better than bad years oh yes....my mind is always a constant prayer tickertape and driving the negative out as best i can with my giant industrial strength mental pushbroom!
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No, not doing good.  

There are 3 people in my relationship, me, Rob, and his ex-wife.  I understand he will be friends with her because of the "children."   One is 24, and the other is 16.  She bounces checks; he covers it for her, all the while bemoaning that he can't do better for us.  I'm just a selfish ***** as far as he's concerned.

I went into this knowing the fallout that would come and thought I could handle it.  I'm giving this one my best shot because this will be the last for me.  I'm tired and don't have the energy to try with another.  I'm too much trouble, anyway, and I don't want to put my bshit on anyone else.  He was married for 25 years to the same person (only marriage), yet lived upstairs by himself for 3 freakin' years.  His ex told the kids and the rest of the family that we were cheating with each other on line, and that's what broke up the marriage.  Most all of the family believes this.  It isn't true.  We both are very interested in politics and met on a private board of a close internet friend of mine, but there was never anything untoward in our postings.  We did, however, talk to each other about our personal problems.  I was in an unhappy relationship, too, but we didn't even talk to each other very often about that, only a time or two.  I had no idea how he felt about me until I told him I wasn't happy in my current relationship.  His reply hit me like a ton of bricks, and I fell hard and fast.  Now, though, I'm not allowed to speak about his ex, though he has told her he loves me, etc.   Oh hell.   this is just so much bshit, and I'm sorry, but I'm just so hurt right now.  Night before last, I was mad and said some things I shouldn't have said, but he says I called him a coward.  I didn't.  He heard wrong, and this has come between us, big time!  I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm feeling that I'm not worth much to anybody.

No, my friend drinks, but we had 2 beers yesterday, and that was all.  She's trying to help me, but I could tell she didn't really want me there, and I don't blame her.  I'm an emotional mess right now, and nothing can change that unless Rob and I can work this out.  

Thank you all for listening.  I know I'm angry, depressed, and hurt and just don't feel like this life is worth it anymore.  Just when it seems I have it all together.. I f--- it all up somehow.

I swear.  If I didn't have a sense of humor (even though you've not seen it yet) and didn't have my pets.... I'd leave this GD life!  There has to be something better somewhere on the other side.

But.. I won't do that, though I want to.  Too many depend on me and love me, and I understand all of that.

It's just so hard.  I just want to shut it all down.  Dammit, I'm tired.
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Rob sounds like quite the enabler with x......u'll never change that.....and she will continue to be herself for as long as he bails her out!i am 53 never married and glad for that.....don't really feel like i've missed anything....i've been thru a lot of relationships in my life and i figure whats meant to be will be!i live with 2 beautiful loving greyhounds and 3 cats.They need me..like ur animals need u...and such loving companions they are...sure would be nice to find a human with their qualities but that doesn't seem to be humanly possible they way humans r!i was by myself for 10 years....met someone i fell for like never b4..he was clean from cocaine 3 years and long story short went back to his old lifestyle.Chose that drug over us.....didn't give a **** that my dad had just died,my mom dx'd with Lewy Body Dementia and some med problems with me,cat died of cnacer,dog relapsed with a illness and i had to let go of him....and he just blew on out on us!I would have done anything to help him but like Bonnie Raitt sings i can't make u love me and i sure as hell can't make ya love/take care of urself!That was 3 years ago...it hurt like hell...all of it....but i still see my dad saying to me years ago ur better off with the dogs!and he was/is right!i visit my mom bi-weekly and recently have the IRS up my derriere which pisses the hell outta me....so much bigger fish to fry out there...but i keep moving.....and like boogie said recovery gives us tools to plow thru the muck....and plow we must or drown in drink/drugs which is no better option!
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455167 tn?1259261471
hi there. there could actually be something good about your situation. as bad as things are this could be the motivation to change them. i know for me, things had to get pretty bad many, many times before i was willing to do whatever was necessary to do things differently. i agree with ibi---sounds like the people around you are contributing to the problem. they probably don't understand, no matter what they say. this is one of the reasons why aa is so effective----it puts us in touch with folks that have had the same kinds of problems, but they found a way out. do you have any other options as far as a place to live---even temporarily? you need to put yourself first and be selfish long enough to get through your problems. no one else can do it for you. there is a solution to all of it---if you have had enough and are ready to change.

ibi--as far as the irs i feel your pain. they're a bunch of baztards

take care,  gm
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as usual ur right on the advice money!i've gotten to the point  in my personal life where i have a zero tolerance for drama bs and folks who won't/don't take their own inventory and keep their closet in order!just 2 draining...been there done that and don't need it or want it!Serenity in recovery is a gift only we we can give ourselves!IRS r baztards..love that spelling so it can't be starred out...pretty sad to demand more tax $$$ from  shrunken retirement funds proceeds!got 5 pg letter complete with nicely veiled threats and wage garnishment if not all paid at once...and if u want payment plan we'll create a financial proctological nitemare for u and tack on penalties and interest!i wanted to return a drawing of a third finger extended and a note.....focus ur energies on Ruth Madoff..bigger whale than this lil fish!:)
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Been with a cocaine/crack addict..... married for 14 years....  The last straw was when I came home and found my 9-year-old sitting on the counter where the microwave used to be.  We had no appliances, no yard equipment. no toys, no jewelry.. not one damned thing of any value.. and I left that POS in 1996.  He STILL can't figure out why the daughters want nothing to do with him!  He was 4 years younger than me but looks 30 years older than me now.  I haven't seen him in years.... an only child who was never made to take responsibility for his actions.. cuz his "mama" said if only he didn't get involved with the wrong crowd.  Therefore.... he never did anything wrong in her eyes or his eyes.. and I used to pray to God at night that he would die.

I did finally get that hatred out of my heart, but it ate me up for years!  I would have cheerfully killed him or had him killed if I'd had the inclination.... finally talked my dad out of it, though.

Anyway.... just another "rage factor" on the list of **** that I really hated!

I'm doing pretty good right now... still drinking but no liquor and haven't been drunk.

I believe I have some issues which I need to let go of once and for all.  I'm working on them.

Hope you all are doing well, and thank you so much for "listening."

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i can completely relate to wanting the cocaine addict gone from this earth....that feeling ate me up for a few years.....now i completely understand why his one son refuses to speak with him or allow him to see his grandson.But i knew what i was getting in2 what i did.......was hoping he would change for us and that happened for 5 months..then it got to be too much hard work which recovery is....but well worth it.Today i hardly think of him and know he lives in his own hell.....karma will/does come round on humans!I'm glad he is no longer a part of my life...but i've been pretty savvy/firm on not allowing anyone to drag me down to their level!
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I was eaten up by hatred for a few years, too.  

Did I mention I prayed to God for him to die?

I've finally gotten past it and realize that I'm really no better than he is.  It's just that the kids were young, and I hated what he did to them.  Now, I just feel bad for  him.  He is the father of my youngest who is 22 now.  She went to see him when she came up for a visit and told me she couldn't stand to look at him.  That he just looks like a typical crack addict.  For years she blamed me for the divorce which took place when she was 9.  Now, she sees the truth.

At least she isn't going down the drug or alcohol path, and I believe I have my ex to thank for that and me to thank for her not turning to alcohol.  I know I've disappointed her, too, and that pains me to my very soul.
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I apologize in advance because I have skimmed though a lot of this thread but not read it all and perhaps you already answered this, but, what is you reason for not just medically detoxing in the hospital for 4-7 days?
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I'm not ready.
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I'm really sorry if I put too much personal **** out here....guess I needed someone to talk to, someone objective.  I'd go back and take most of it down if I could.  I've said so much that anyone who knows me could easily figure out who I was.  I should have thought of that before but too late now.  

Anonymous.  Your question was a good one.  When I first started to post here, I was in a bad way, drinking way too much every day.  I'm not doing that now and am just trying to cut it down to a manageable level, something I can live with.  I'm probably doomed to fail this little experiment, but I want to try.  I don't want to go into detox unless there is no other way.  Why not?  Because I really like to drink, and I hate the thought of never being able to do it again.  But if that will be the final answer, which I suspect most of you believe will be, then so be it.  

Again, so sorry for all the personal ****.  
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I appreciate your honesty dear!their have been a lot of posters here in the past who rationalize their drinking/drug use...right now u like it but one day its gonna stop likin u!and until that day comes..it is what it is!like AA sez..it was true for me..i had to get damn sick n'tired of bein sick n'tired!and thank God i did!Don't look at it as u'll never ever be able to drink again......this life...this world is truly one hour atta time in 24 hr. time increments!
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455167 tn?1259261471
Hi. just remember when it gets bad enough, there is a solution, and you are always welcome here. helping others is what keeps me going so i'm grateful for your posts. take care,  gm
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It's very depressing sometimes, isn't it.  
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455167 tn?1259261471
hi there. yes it can be. alcohol and other drugs took me to some very dark places within myself, to the point that i almost succeeded in taking my own life. at the end i lived to drink and drank to live. we know sorrow and misery like few others do. but as hard as it was to quit (after many many resolutions and attempts), i've been given a new opportunity to live whereas for so long i merely existed. i know how you feel. please keep posting no matter what you do and as always best wishes,    gm
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alcohol is a central nervous system depressant....ppl r more depressed when they drink and afterwards upon sobering up....i look back at all the changes in my thinking and how i handle my emotions in recovery.....it has been work oh yes..but so worth it!it is so much better and all of it has been one hour atta time one day atta time...over the years!
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You were all right.  I have failed miserably in my quest to control my drinking.  

This weekend, we drank Friday night.  Of course, I couldn't stop there.  I just thought I could.  That Friday night led me to drink again on Saturday, Saturday night, Sunday, Sunday night, and I have been one sick puppy, trying to taper down again.  I had my last glass of wine last night.  This time, beginning Monday morning, the withdrawals have been much worse.  The mental and physical anguish just isn't worth it.  The bottoms of my toes on my left felt numb last night.  I'm shaking more on the inside but not outside and am having trouble concentrating.  I haven't slept much since Friday night, averaging around 2-3 hours at a time.

Last night while trying to fall asleep, I was hearing odd noises and would jerk awake scared to death that someone was in the house.  I'll be very lucky if I don't lose my job on this go-round.

I may not get through this without seeking medical help.  I'll keep you posted.  Thanks so much for listening.
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if u fell and broke ur ankle u'd seek medical help yes?so why not seek it now?as the boogieman said and i agree and have seen in other folks...withdrawal can be fatal!
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Since last Wednesday, I've been doing okay... still drinking some, though.

I have a doc appt. Aug 12, and I do believe I'll talk to him about my drinking, finally.  Funny.. last time I was in there, about 6 months ago, I'd been drinking wine heavily all night.  I brushed my teeth before going to the appt., congratulating myself on thinking I could fool him.  Well.. lol..  he said, "I don't want to embarrass you, but I smell alcohol on you.  Have you been drinking?"  I lied like a dog and told him I had had some wine  late on into the night to celebrate a friend leaving town for a new job.

This time, I won't go in smelling like I just crawled out of a vat of wine, and I want to talk to him about the cravings which are so over-powering right now.  

I was in a really bad way until last Wednesday which was the day I was able to get the Klonopin filled.  It helped so much with the anxiety.  Had I not been able to get it, I would have had no choice but to crawl to the hospital.

I read with some interest about the Topamax.  I'm going to do some reading on it and might mention it to the doc depending on what I find out.

Blessings to all!  And thank you all once again for helping me.  You are all some of the kindest folks I've ever communicated with.
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I'm an alcoholic and I don't get hangovers anymore. Back in 2005 I ran out of Xanax. Then I couldn't eat, sleep or drink. For three long, miserable days I tossed and turned. The third night I had a seizure. I knew it because I had just knocked an open soda over and didn't remember doing it.

I immediately had a very abnormal pain in my sternum. I made it to the ER and explained the situation. That I quit xanax and alcohol cold turkey. Doctor said my blood pressure was sky high. He prescribed me librium. And I eventually got a prescription to Naltrexone. Never used it.

I now would like to quit drinking at 36. I promised my Mother. I take 2 mg of xanax a day which helps. But I can drink a 5 liter box of wine in 2.5 days. No hangover.

I'm fearful of rehab. I hear bad stories about lack of treatment and bad food. In short, I don't want to feel imprisoned. I would be happy to take Naltrexone now. It gradually lessens the effect of alcohol over a period of time, so I'm told. I haven't read every post but if someone could elaborate on their rehab experience, that'd be great! I live in Austin, TX so if someone local can help, that's even more helpful. Thanks.
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I went thru inpatient rehab in 1983 and if i hadn't of i wouldn't be typping this right now.Bad food?were u thinking of food when u were drunk?don't want to feel imprisoned?U could end up in jail or worse if u kept drinking and drove drunk and harmed another!Mixing xanax and alcohol can be fatal.If one wants recovery bad enough they will push aside the false pride that is so typical of us alcoholics/addicts and go in and take the best of it to gain some recovery tools in which to stay sober with in this real world!
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Hey Sugarkane,
I'm an alcoholic too. I didn't stop drinking until just a little over a year ago. drinking is sure a tough road to go down. I did it for about 25 years. It’s amazing how much it actually hurts your body. I never got in to taking pills but from what Ibizan said and from what I have read it sure is harder on you to do both!

I hope you don't mind me sharing something with you about why I stopped drinking. I think it might be important for you to know. I noticed you 36 now. The reason I stopped drinking one year ago is because when I went to my doctors for an annual physical he did blood labs and on March 23 2010 I was diagnosed with Cirrhosis - end stage(C). One year ago I was 38 years old.

I hope to God you don’t end up wearing a pair of my shoes. Kind of makes you wonder if I drank as much as you or not, doesn't it? Then again it doesn't really matter, everyone's body is different. It makes me wonder about something though and that is: If when I was 36 and all I needed to do was go to rehab to have a fresh start would I have done it? Would I had worried about feeling imprisoned or what the F'ing food would taste like! Save your life man and do the right thing! Do it for you and your Mom and everyone in this world that loves you. BTW, I live in El Paso.
Randy
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I have read all of the previous posts with interest, and a couple of things stood out to me that related to my experiences, so I just thought I would share.  I am 48 (49 in a couple of weeks) and I have been drinking since I was about 14.  I quit completely with the help of AA (to a small extent) for 8 years a few years ago, but picked it back up and it has been accelerating rapidly in the last couple of years.  My big time bomb is that I ride a Harley and love nothing more than to "bar hop" and cruise from place to place getting hammered, and I am aware that my life can only end up one of two ways: sober, or terminal road rash.  Back to the points that I referred to earlier; one was by "broknbck" about feeling out of place at AA because his stories didn't match the intensity of the others in the group.  I felt the same way when I started going to meetings, I only drink beer (but a lot of it) and my life is still pretty stable, no cataclysmic events so far like a DUI or that sort of thing.  Actually, listening to those stories is what made AA work for me, I never really did all of the 12 step stuff, I had more of a "There but for the grace of God " attitude and it kept me sober for 8 years.  The best thing about AA is the unconditional acceptance regardless of your circumstance, they welcome you as a person with a problem who is seeking help and helping you helps them.  The second point is all of the talk about tapering off, in my experience you are really just fooling yourself, making deals with the metaphorical devil.  I can't speak to the medical concerns of cold turkey, but it is absolutely a black/white issue...you drink or you don't.  A couple of drinks leads to a couple more, maybe not at that sitting, but eventually you will be right back where you started from.  Hard to take advice from a practicing drunk, but my life has gotten out of hand and I am going to start meetings again...I wish you all good luck and serenity.
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Very good post! I wish you good health and success. Do whatever you need to do to keep a handle on it.

Randy
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The thing about tapering off alcohol is that one needs to keep their goal of detoxing from alcohol foremost in their mind.  If one does not, it is too easy to drink a little extra and get intoxicated again.  The problem is that every time we slide back into intoxication, we have to start the whole detox process again.  Here are a couple of very helpful links.  http://hamsnetwork.wordpress.com/2010/10/09/more-on-tapering-off-alcohol/
http://hamsnetwork.org/taper/
I have done this and it really works.  There are real problems with the all or nothing method.  Most importantly, it can kill you.  People die of alcohol withdrawal every day.  It is actually quite common.  Also, the process of "kindling" is what sets us alcoholics up for the severe detox and the recurring binging.  Kindling is the all or nothing process...binge...cold turkey....binge...cold turkey.  There is also a problem with the medical detox process.  It is well known that doctors are not always equipped to give good medical advice on alcohol withdrawal.  Some will say one needs to go cold turkey risking death or severe impairment, others will prescribe addictive drugs that only create another addiction.  Even the ones that can correctly deal with medical assistance for alcohol withdrawal often have very detrimental judgments about alcoholics that can affect the way they deal with an alcoholic life-long.  And, not to be diminished, there is the very real stigma associated with being labeled an alcoholic.  Family and friends may try to understand; present and future employers most likely will not.  So, I believe that tapering off alcohol is a very real and attainable goal that persons dealing with alcohol addiction can handle at home.  As for all "cures", this may not work for everyone.  Some folks will not be able to control their intake while detoxing.  For these people, it may be advisable to involve a third person who can help them with controlling the amount of alcohol intake.
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i hate being the person i am at the moment i hope i change before it to late
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i hope u do 2...ur the only one who can change u!
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I just read an interesting method on this web site: http://hamsnetwork.org/taper/  that explains how to wean yourself off large and small amounts. I have also been advised to use Vallium to control anxiety. Good Luck to you (and me)
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I have had to go cold turkey somewhere down the line each of the million times. One doctor I remember said "you think you had a hard time getting off the alcohol wait till you try to get off the opiates. I slept for a month still mixing it with alcohol and benadryl. I should not be alive. But he was right. I had to go back to the alcohol to get off the opiates. I have studied alcoholism for quite some time now. This actually is my 40th birthday with alcohol. tried, tried. It ruined me and everyone around me. But you know what I don't feel no more. when my wife cried one time I should have been crying with her. But there was no feeling. thats what alcohol has done for me.
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It is most inadvisable to wean yourself off alcohol using valium on your own minus a doctors monitoring...the results can be fatal!
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I too have always felt accepted at aa. I dont put anything down that has helped even just one person on this planet . People have told me you dont look like an alcoholic. If they only knew the real story. jails, institutions, dts, hospitals losing the businesses, homes, family, friends, living on the streets. alcohol took it all. even at times the will to live on alot of times. One hospital said Jim you have been here 16 times. they finally gave up on me. I wore them out and everyone around me. somehow I bounce back with the determination not to ever touch the stuff. I work at burger king and Im thankful. beats living in pine box. I hope to make friends here.  
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WELCOME!I didn't look like an alcoholic/addict with 2 college degrees and a professional job either!Many were stunned when i admitted myself 2 inpatient in 1983.Best thing i ever did or else i wouldn't be typping this to you!I have moments to this day where i entertain the juvenile thought that kicking back in my old papason chair from the 70's w/ a huge joint getting stoned and a double shot martini and telling the world to go F itself would be a brief respite from daily aggravations and aggravating humans!but that is childish...and i KNOW one of anything never satisfied me!i ALWAYS ended up trashed to the gills....and deeply regretting it the next day!Stay w/us here...so glad u joined!:)
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Hello Jim and Welcome to MedHelp! Here you will have no problems finding support and making friends. It's so sad how much of an effect alcohol can have on our lives and actually I'm still pretty bitter about it. I'll never let it in again I know that. It has now been 2 1/2 years since my diagnosis and I am doing quite well but this is a battle I will live with for the rest of my life. So even though I quit, it hasn't quit me. I sure wish that wasn't the case. The first time I sat in front of my doctor disscussing liver transplantation really brings some reality to what I've done to myself.

It sure sounds like you have done a lot of things you regret as well, I guess we all do. You know what though, it's just like you said
"I bounce back with the determination not to ever touch the stuff. I work at burger king and Im thankful. Beats living in pine box"

You are absolutely right my friend, It's like Ibizan always says "just take little steps at a time, whatever it takes to keep making things work for you."

Keep holding on to the good things in your life and surround yourself with good people give it time and you can be doing as good as you want to be! Waking up the each day more confident and without hangovers and regrets will surely bring you good things and happiness. Thanks for writing and I am glad you found us. Take care!

Randy
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Hello everyone

I was searching for answers to my problem with alcohol on the internet and came across this forum (which I am glad I have found).  My story is probably similar to many.

I started drinking when I was around 16 (I am now 43), the only time I have stopped drinking is when I was pregnant.  I am only a white wine drinker and don't touch spirits but do have the occasional cocktail on special occasions. I have 3 wonderful children and a great husband but something has always been missing from my life and I found wine to be the answer to whatever was/is missing in my life. ....I am yet to find the answers to what makes me pick up that glass of wine and not happy until I have finished the bottle......Other people are content with just a glass but for me one glass is never enough.

Recently a turning point came to me when we were on a family holiday abroad and I got so drunk whilst out one evening.  Like most times when I am drunk I tend to get aggressive and on this particular night I picked a fight with my husband, apparently I was 'in his face' shouting and ranting about heaven only knows what, at this point he pushed me out of his way and I tumbled down some steps and smacked my face.  My husband left me there and who could blame him.  Some locals picked me up and cleaned my wounds.  The next day I was horrified and totally embarrased and ashamed of myself.  I decided enough was enough, our holiday was ruined, my children had witnessed some of the nights events but thankfully not all.  The next day they told me how scared they were for me, that what if I had died due to being in such a drunken state. Totally ashamed and saddened by what I had done (and have done so many times) my decision was made to stop drinking to extreme levels and try to get it under control.  

I like a lot of people is wanting to be in control of alcohol and not let it be in control of me.  Having read this forum, I am not so sure I should ever go back to touching alcohol again.  I have not touched a drop for almost a month.  So far apart from being really tired I am not finding it too bad.  My husband has also given up booze and we are really trying to make a go of it.  I am really glad at finding this forum and just by reading some of your stories has helped me already so thank you all x
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Wow that is really quite the story and I am really sorry to hear how bad things between yourself and your husband got but most of all for your children. It seems you are both doing the right and responsible thing by eliminating alcohol from your life. There can be no discussion of turning back now with an attempt at controlling your drinking. You have both come too far and neither of you will ever be able to control it. This is the life of an alcoholic. Reasons for alcoholism:

The chemistry of alcohol allows it to affect nearly every type of cell in the body, including those in the central nervous system. After prolonged exposure to alcohol, the brain becomes dependent on it. Drinking steadily and consistently over time can produce dependence and cause withdrawal symptoms during periods of abstinence. This physical dependence, however, is not the sole cause of alcoholism. To develop alcoholism, other factors usually come into play, including biology, genetics, culture, and psychology. You can find a further explanation in this article

http://health.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease/alcoholism/causes.html
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"....I am yet to find the answers to what makes me pick up that glass of wine and not happy until I have finished the bottle......Other people are content with just a glass but for me one glass is never enough."

Often times alcoholism is hereditary as the article explains. It doesn’t mean it’s your fault but by choosing abstinence you can have your life back. This is the only control possible at this point. You have both proven you can do it and be happy. You have also seen what that other life is like and I guarantee you if you go back to it you will miss out on what could be the best part of your life. Continue your sobriety for your children and husband but most of all yourself. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life with regrets, you deserve better! I hope the best for you and your family.

Randy
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What happened to MGM? I hope the battle wasnt lost x

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I came across this forum because I am concerned that I have a problem. I am the daughter of an alcoholic. I am 44. I am female. I first experimented with alcohol at 12 years of age. I was a casual drinker until I got older and the stress of life kicked in. I drink mostly at night before bed in hopes I will sleep without worrying about money, life, survival. I have three sons 20, 15  and 12. I have been married and divorced three times. I currently live with my two younger boys and my boyfriend. I keep wanting to only drink on hte weekends. But I can't cut it out. I am athletic and run races and do whatever I can to take the edge off in other positive ways. I am constantly worried about job security, etc. I know the responsibilities and stress of my life cause me to be this way. My mother, rock of my life, was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease two years ago and has quickly gone down hill. So much has me crying daily. I went to my doc and asked for some kind of help. I am now on lexapro which helped a little, but I still hit the wine and rum at night. After working all day, cooking, cleaning and exercising, I feel I deserve that drink at the end of the day. Unfortunately, it turns into more than one. I don't get hangovers, but worry about my overall health. Went through thyroid cancer 3 years ago, and just not sure what my problem is. Glad I found a place to vent.
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Hello Jaisel and welcome to MedHelp!

I'm sure can relate to the stress in life. I could look through your story and pick it a part to try and help you that way but the fact is the alcohol would still be your biggest problem. Drinking in moderation can be great but when it gets out of control it has an effect on every aspect of your life.

I know this from my experiences, I am 40 years old and was an alcoholic for 20+ years. I was perfectly content with how my life was going until at the age of 38 I was diagnosed with end stage cirrhosis. I thought this was it for me but I stopped drinking immediately and 2 3/4 years later I finally can see how good life really is and what I have been missing out on all these years. My cirrhosis is no longer progressing and I'm much more confident and happy. $600 a month is what I was spending! Imagine how much that could help out.

I don't know if you realize this but once you’re an alcoholic you will never have the ability to drink social or in moderation. It is all or nothing. I hope you make the right choice and I wish you the best! Take care,

Randy
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If your concerned, you may have a problem.  But even if you haven't hit the point of being an alcoholic, you know that's where this road goes.  It's great your on lexapro.  But alcohol counteracts the benefits.  So if you quit drinking it could help you more.  I take Prozac and it's really changed my life.  You say your athletic, that's great.  I don't know if your spiritual but I was blown away by a speaker at church today. You might want to try giving your worries to god.  It's good you reached out on this forum.  It's very supportive.  I wish you good luck.
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4119697 tn?1351188486
Hey,
It sounds like you and I may have some stuff in common. I just recently decided to quit drinking and feel so alone in this! It would be nice to have someone to talk to that goes through the same stuff.
My decision to quit is based on the horrendous hangovers I have suffered from for years. I hide my illness really well and most people never even know I'm hungover. I pretend to have really bad "allergies" that make me slow and tired and red-eyed. I lie about being sick so I can get extra rest or people feel sorry for me - little do they know, it's all caused by my own excessive drinking!
I, like you, don't drink every day. However, when I drink I do it all night. I just never learned how to moderate, I guess. It drives me crazy when people offer help in the form of: "why don't you just try drinking a little bit?" It's that easy, huh?! Why didn't I think of that?!
For someone like me (and maybe you) there IS no moderation. I drink 'til its all gone. I drink to get drunk. I drink because I like the feeling of being wasted. How do you get past that?
Anyway, I have so much on my mind. It sound dumb that I'm so anxious about all of this - I only decided to quit about 3 days ago. The stress and anxiety of giving up alcohol is consuming my every thought!
I hope you are well. Feel free to write me back.
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4400862 tn?1354025501
  Hi everyone!
                  I was wondering if anyone has gone through what I am going through now. Last week I decided to stop drinking so I began to do some research. I decided on the taper method. I was drinking a pint to 1 1/2 pints of vodka plus a 6 pack sometimes more a day. Its about day 4 and I hav'nt slept in 4 days, I sometimes hear music thats not there and when I try to sleep my body does involuntery movements. Arms, fingers, legs and body will jerk around waking me from sleep. I would appreciate any feedback.
         Thanks
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I'm 54 and have been drinking all my life, starting when I was about 5. I guess I am a functioning alcoholic, but not anymore! Where do you go for help??? Who gives a big flying flip?
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Many of us here who have fought the alcohol and drug demons give a MAJOR flying flip -we wouldn't be here unless we did!ever tried AA?good substance abuse counseling?u married?got kids?what does wife or partner and/or kids think@ ur drinking?
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4970770 tn?1361747697
"every time i think about taking a drink today, (and believe me, i do), i think back to what i have endured and barely survived as a result. i have to do certain things on a regular basis like keep tabs on my emotions and reactions, i have to improve my spiritual condition, and i help others. these things make up an insurance policy that no doctor, priest, judge, family member, or object of affection ever could teach me. sometimes we almost have to die to learn how to live."  

I applaud you, BOOGIEMAN, and hope that you are doing well now that it is 2013. I have enjoyed reading your comments. It has really helped me a great deal. I am in the process of 'weaning' and have found that the other times I have tried to stop drinking, I failed. Going cold turkey wasn't gonna work for me like it did when I smoked cigerettes, weed and sometimes other drugs. Trying to quit cold turkey with alcohol is the scariest thing! I would have sweating events, restlessness, anger issues, depression, irregular heart rate, tight breathing...etc. I finally realized that I had to gradually get off the bottle. I would drink vodka or rum or both pretty much on a daily basis. I needed to feel the numbness to escape my hurt and disappointment in my relationships w/some people and myself. I hated having to deal with my feelings sober. I knew it wouldn't make me forget, but it surely eased the inner pain I was feeling. Sometimes I would drink so fast that I would need to lay down only to wake up hours later not remembering a thing. I would have conversations with people and not even remember that I had them at all. Then I would later remember only fragments and wind up in arguments because of me repeating things or bringing up things I already talked about and resolved, but didn't remember. GEESH!!! I soooo hate my life 'drunk' or rather 'under the influence'.  I am usually not drunk 'acting', but rather drunk in my 'mental' state.

So, it's been since Thursday (now Sunday) since i was drunk. I drank a shot or two daily slowing sipping to prevent me from having to go through the withdrawal symptoms. I've gone to the gym every day getting my heart rate up just a little to help work 'out' the booze in my system. I drink water like crazy on the regular so this has always helped keep me hydrated even when I would drink. I have had some feelings of anxiousness, a small case of breathing difficultly(better now), and tiredness. I feel that my weaning is going well. I truly believe that this weaning process has gone so well for me ONLY because there are people around me and have been ongoing since Thursday (now Sunday). My fear is that when tomorrow comes(Monday) and I have the place to myself EVERY DAY for the week (Mon-Fri), I will relapse and drink more than I should. But, only tomorrow can tell me what will happen. I just hope that I am stronger than I think.

I think about what you said about "i have to do certain things on a regular basis like keep tabs on my emotions and reactions, i have to improve my spiritual condition, and i help others".... This is sooo TRUE BOOGIEMAN! I have found myself taking note of my emotions, thoughts and feelings as to why I want a drink & when I'm drinking. It has helped me look at myself deeper. Once I figured out why & when I drink and what I am going through emotionally and mentally, it helps me make better choices. It has also opened my eyes as to how long I've been drinking like this. Too my blind surprise...I've been doing this since 2001 to present! I've been hiding my feelings and drowning my emotions in liquor off and more on than not for the past 12 YEARS!!!!  THIS NEW REVELATION scares me to death!!!!!!  I don't want to die!!! I don;t want to have a stroke or heart attack and possibly live a crippled life. I want to be happy (sober) and grateful to be here and be FREE from this monkey/demon/hold on me called liquor!  Wish me luck everyone! I need prayers for strength and determination. I need prayers for a closer renewed relationship with God. I know I can do this. I know it won't be easy. A wise person said "sometimes we almost have to die to learn how to live"  and that's exactly what I plan to do...DIE in order to LIVE!!!   :-)
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Boogieman passed away a few years ago......u r responding to a very old thread.Sadly:(he relapsed after 3 years of sobriety and met an untimely death.we miss him so!:(
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4970770 tn?1361747697
wow! This is very unfortunate! Thx for the update.
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I am wondering. How much were you drinking daily for these 20+ years? Can you be specific?
Thanks for your time, I really appreciate it.
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Over the years I switched between liquor and beer. My tolerance grew and grew. In the begining I didn't drink daily. So as you can see a lot of things changed but I can tell you the last couple of years I drank I was drinking 23 beers a day, such a sad way to live life but I'm very greatful (cirrhosis and all) to have this chance to see how wonderful things really can be.

Randy
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I have read all these comments from the beginning and find them all enlightening and some distressing.  I am  the mother of a wonderful young  28 year old woman who is a blossoming (yet still functioning) alcoholic.  She doesn't like me talking to her about her drinking.  She is often self loathing about her drinking but she believes she can't sleep without it and then of course can't sleep because of it.  I would sincerely appreciate your opinions of what you woud want your mother to do if you were her. I ask this because I want to understand. I feel a need to help her and yet all that I have tried just seems to alienate her.
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I have had experience with alcohol withdrawal and it is not pretty especially being alone. I used to drink everyday for about two years. I would call my self a functional alcoholic because I could do work and handle my business with no problems. Let me point out that I would not drive, of course. My drinking got to the point where I had a tear on my esophagus and it caused me to vomit blood. The blood that I would not vomit, I would expell through the other end.... It got real scary! I checked my self at the hospital at the right time. Once there they administered what think was diazepam because at that point I did not have booze for about 24 hrs and my hands were shaky, heart was racing, was sweating but cold, was delirious, and was begining to hallucinate. They also hydrated me and pumped me up with vitamins and after three days I was fine. Not 100% but glad that booze was not appetizing to me anymore. After that I have had a few drinks but all in moderation and only on my birthday. Not like before.
If you're going to detox at home don't be alone. It's a horrible feeling when you're by your self. Have a buddy take care of you. Stay hydrated and try to get some medication to help you ease your body from experiencing the shakes and that horrible heart racing. But if you feel you can't handle it seek professional help.
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