Having some rough days

[wanttobeclean]

So...32 days sober and still very happy about my decision.  But the last 2 or 3 days have been very hard.  I have been so tempted.  Even had a bottle of vodka in my hand yesterday, almost ready to pour.  That little voice kept saying, it's just ONE drink, you can handle it.  ONE drink and that's it.  

I wasn't upset or having a bad day...it was actually a good day.  Finished a big project at work, and with some frineds around, wanted to celebrate.  I was so close...seriously.  But I put the bottle down.  Kept thinking about it, and just had to use the one minute at a time concept to stay the course.  

Keep wondering if one day, I could have just one drink.  And I don't know how to answer myself.  If I say "no", I almost want to through in the towel, but if I say, "Yes...one day", that's not true sobriety talking.

I know, I know,  stop thinking about the future right?  I just can't help it.  Feeling a little overwhelmed with it though.

Anyhow...just venting helps.  Thanks guys.  Going to a meeting tonight...I need it!

[dominosarah]

Where are you?  Probably at home eating chocolate covered cherries!!  Let us know how you are doing~~~~~~sara

[dominosarah]

There are only a couple things that i beg for.....this is one of them!!  wanna guess what the other is??!!!  LOL  Oral S and cherries.....now that would be a magical combination!!

[wanttobeclean]

You guys crack me up.  

BTW...try getting goosed by an English Mastiff, German Shepherd and Newfoundland mix...right after they've all come in from a jaunt in the 10 degree snow.  Its just Greaaaaat.  Don't need my coffee after that!

[ibizan]

u r in my mind.....next saturday i'm picking up my VD present to myself.....giant homemade choc covered cherries cordialed in creme.lady has a sweet shop and uses her mom's and grandmoms recipes.her truffles are the size of golfballs...soft dark sugary fudgy chocolate balls rolled in hershey's cocoa powder!i refer to them as oral sex!:)cherries are HUGE!that pup sounds like doggone fun....ah and how we love things like this in our recovery!

[dominosarah]

I love chocolate covered cherries~~~~~Heres to my butt!!!

Since the beagle is knee high to a grasshopper i wasnt used to having a cold nose goosing me.....now with this "beast" she goes mach 10 and uses my butt to bank off!!!  There is nothing sacred on me with her around!!!  LOL

[ibizan]

very funny girl!i love chocolate truffles...that b me...chocolate truffle sofa cushion butt!my greyhounds will gently goose me in butt...they r notorious for that!:)

[ibizan]

hey i like that!xtra packaging!thats me.years ago i had a eating disorder and was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too thin.i looked like hell!but in this warped society with its twisted views on womens body image so many women were telling me how good i looked which was more fuel for the no eating fire.I have recovered from that....i eat what i like in moderation....don't exercise but am really comfortable with self the way i am today.

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks Ibizan!  I don't consider myself overweight...just well packaged.  I must be REALLY special since God put so much padding around me...LOL!!!

I have been saying that prayer over and over lately...especially the part about accepting the things I cannot change.

LOL @ sara!!!!!

[dominosarah]

You may want to stay away from my new pup then as she likes to chew on sofa cushions!!!!  LOL

[ibizan]

i have sofa cushions as padding on my booty!:talk about xtra padding!:)keep hanging in and hanging on!Serenity prayer is my mantra!

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks so much for the support and kicks in the arse...guess I should be happy I have some extra padding back there...eh?

I think one of the things I have to do for me is stay very, very busy.  I run into problems when I have free time on my hands, with nothing planned.  I'm going to try to keep myself on a better schedule...maybe that will help.  Worth a try anyway, right?

Thanks again!

[dominosarah]

Good for you on working thru this.  Most of my cravings happen during good days too.  Always have to keep that guard up.  Here is one more swift kick in the arse, just becuz!!!!  LOL    

Congrats on your sober time!!!!!!          sara

[narla]

Congratulations on not giving in,and  working through what you were feeling.Every time temptation comes up kick the beast to the kerb.As avisg said it never stops at just one,I gave up through 2 pregnancies and went straight back to drinking 1 day led to 2 days which led to 3 days etc,we have an addiction it will always snowball until your back where you started from.  Good Luck-Keep up the great work your doing.
   Denise

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks :-))

Went to my meeting today and spent 30 minutes afterwards talking to a couple of the people who have a lot of clean time.  It was just what I needed...a swift kiss in the arse.  They reminded me how lucky I was to be alive, with my family and friends around me, career and life intact.  And why in THEE H-E-L-L  would I risk stepping on the slippery slope for one stupid drink.

It was just what I needed to hear.  Along with the one day, one hour, one minute.  Thanks for that!

[ibizan]

ah there goes that damn BEAST in your head...whispering in ur ear to just have one!tell that BEAST where to go......one is too many and a thousand is never enough!yes stop thinking about the future...think just for this next hour i will not drink!then a sober u will say ok for the next hour i will not drink.....one hour atta time!