Honesty for honesty please?

Hi Everyone,
Day 2 sober here!! Im 25 been fighting this teenage years with a few (very few) dry patches in between, all from going to rehab or out patient detox. Well here I am again and im desperate for this to be the last time I have to detox. Going to a psych. First time A.A tonight. Detox with valium through doctor and also taking Naltrexone. But I have a few questions. I know that being an addict has such a viscious cycle in your head, cant live with it cant live without it. Ive been reading a bit and its true that Ive never grown up, I have no idea who I am, I was me when I was drinking although I know it wasnt real. Make sense? So of course now im going to struggle to live 'normally' and its scary not knowing who I am but thats ok im going to a psych for that. Ok so I just cannot imagine all those times in my life where people usually have a drink to celebrate, I cant imagine NEVER having a drink again. I so dearly dont want to forget those desperate times of being a hopeless drunk, but I know a few months of sobriety work up and you think stupidly and think you are cured, how do you hold on the the bad memory so you dont stuff up again? I know its all about one day at a time. but seriously how on earth do you live without drinking? what did you do to get your life back, what did you do to be 'normal' again, a functioning human that contributed to life?

[jeremy111]

i've been drink free for 9 months.  After around 3 months i began to not think about alcohol as much.  I still want to drink every now and then though.  that will probably never go away.  Since I drank to feel good I started channeling my energy into something more productive that will make me feel good: exercise.  I love to run.  I also do weights.  It has kept me goal oriented and feeling better than I have in a long time.  I felt like I needed to get my life back in order.  Exercise has helped me gain control.  Hope this helps

[Kobuk]

Hi, I had 4 years and then I was drunk for 2 days.  I thot that I was ok, but it can slip up and get u real good!  Now I have 1 year.  I  too am going to a pdoc and a therapist.  I drank for 25 years.  Please hang in there.  I should go to AA more often then 4/year.  I have gone to 8 rehabs!  The one that worked was a long term 3 months.  I had a good counselor, who got down to my true feeling.  cu  

[enocenip]

Hi Lizisme. Reading your post reminds me of how much conquering the bottle is often a matter of changing your whole life. I don't know what your situation is, but for some people sobriety will always be impossible unless they radically change their lives, including friends, activities, often job, interests, often location and even family. You can never be sober unless you create a meaningful life in which alcohol plays no part. A lot of people live such lives. You've got to be pursuing values and goals in your life that mean more to you than drinking. If you don't have such goals, it's going to be hard for you to stop drinking.

[working dog]

i want to say it's great reading these posts......billy

[rod44]

I go to AA 3 or 4 times a week, I go not because I feel I am going to drink, I go to remind myself of how it was, I have done this for almost 8 years and this is why I am sober today, I did the twelve steps witch has thought me how to live with out drink. We need to change the way we think, react and behave after we stop drinking......

[ibizan]

hey u!so good to see u post here!hope all good with ur sobriety health and the dogs!:)

[wanttobeclean]

Its great that you have made this decision to really committ to long term sobriety.  The things you are doing differently this time are good choices.  After 18 months clean from oxycodone, I finally realized that I was relying on alcohol the same way I had relied upon oxys and faced the woman in the mirror.  She is an addict.  And the drug or drink I kept using was just the symptom.  I finally really get that.  I need to really face and fix that inner soul and learn how to deal with my baggage and emotions in a healthy way.  I've read a lot about recovery and 12 step programs and finally jumped in last week and went to my first meeting too.  Best decision I made.  This is a life-long disease to manage.  Just like diabetes or hypertension.  No way in the world someone can manage those diseases without help.  And no one should manage addiction without help too.  

Great job making this step in your recovery.  It's so worth it.  

One other thing..stop thinking about "never" having a drink.  You don't have to.  Live in the day.  Just keep telling yourself.."I'm not drinking today".  That's it.  Think no further than today when it comes to this.  

[working dog]

the dogs and i are doing well..in florida now and i love it..at least for the winter...seems like theres a good group here now with some real helpfull input...now and then i read through a bunch of posts thinking maybe i can help someone but as rod44 said it's probably more to remind me of what a mess alcohol can cause.....billy

[ibizan]

ooh that is cool!:) ur by ur folks right?no doubt some good diverse recovery in florida...and as far as folks go here in the forum...we can help them only if their willing to help themselves!we are nothing more than guides....soundingboards.. and sure as doghair been there and done that...way too much!:0 keep warm billy...give them dogs a big hug from me!:)

[LivingPresent]

Being able to recall the last one, or the bad times, the terrible things we did when drinking, can be a useful tool to remind us where we don't want to return. But eventually you will find yourself confronted with a situation where those memories don't enter your mind with sufficient force. If we could always remember the bad times AA would be easy. Problem is we romance it. We start thinking about the good times we had and minimize the bad times. Steps can help with that. The main purpose of the steps is to get you into contact with a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. So those times when you can't recall the suffering and humiliation, you will have a power that keeps you strong.

[Jacker]

It's amazing how much the alcoholic mind can lie - trust me, I know.  I can remember all the good times that I had when I was drinking, but I finally realized those good times were years ago.  During my last years of drinking, the good times were few and far between....I was chasing after a phantom in the past.

At some point, we cross a line where drinking ceases to be a good time....we simply drink because we've become alcoholic and that is what we do.  No matter how many times I tried to moderate, I could not stick with one or two beers.  In fact, one or two makes me feel like garbage because I want more.  If I'm going to drink, I want 8 or 12!

It took a long time for me to realize and admit this, but once I saw the pattern it became a lot easier to consider the idea of a sober life.  Normal people do not drink like this!

At some point, you put the old drinking in the past where it belongs, and you redefine your life in terms of a "new chapter" .......a chapter where the events in your life are not defined by drinking.

I have to tell you ......once you learn to live life in the moment....to go with the flow, and enjoy the small things.....you won't miss the alcohol. It takes time to get this point, but with some work you'll get there.

Initially, you will mourn the loss of alcohol because it was your friend for so long.  But never forget that your friend is trying to kill you....don't let it happen.

[BeautM8]

You sound willing liz, that's going to go a long way in helping you stay sober. I used to think there is 'no way' I will never drink again. That was a long time not to drink. One day at a time really did help me, as did those AA meetings. Who am I? is a good question too. We're shaped by those who influenced our childhoods. Parents, teachers, coaches, environment, and some of those influences and experiences can be a hindrance to our growth. It's pretty amazing when we open up that box, throw away the key and start unravelling a lot of those knots and really find out how wonderful we are. Keep seeking help and leaning on people Liz, stay in touch with those who have travelled the path before you. It is scary, and very uncomfortable. It's meant to be, our old comfort zone was killing us, so time to change yeah. If we all lean on each other, we'll make it :}