How do I know where to go from here?

[Shrekster64]

I'm a 37 year old male. I drink about three nights a week after work etc. Approx three 12 packs a week. Never two days in a row. I've never had any problems related to alcohol as far as work, relationships etc. But lately I've noticed that I've wondered what life would be like without it. I think I want to stop but I have to be honest I'm a little scared of failing. I've told myself several times that enough is enough and the day after a night of drinking I'm all about stopping but a day or 2 later I'm feeling the urge to get some beer on the way home and I give in to the temptation.

I know I'm rambling on and on but I don't know where to go from here. Any advice would sure help. I would like to know if this falls under the umbrella of alcoholism or not? Feel free to ask questions if it would help on giving advice. I appreciate any imput.

[atthebeach]

craig,
please don't go MIA. whats up?
would love to hear from you.
hugs
debbie

[atthebeach]

hey craig,
how are things going my friend? you havent posted in days. when i dont hear an update i get worried. please send an update.
i am praying
debbie

[atthebeach]

congrats on your 5 clean days. that is a great start. i hope and pray you are feeling fine physically and strong and determined mentally.
that is awesome you made an appt to see the psychologist. you are moving in the right direction and taking charge of your recovery. good for you. that is a very positive step forward. PTSD is very real and could possibly be one of the reasons that you started to drink so often.
you have a great mindset you know what you need to do. you are ready to quit and are doing it. great job.
i am going to be away for a few days and not sure about internet service in the mountains.so if i dont check in that is why.
be blessed, hugs
debbie

[ibizan]

police, correctional officers...anyone in ur line of work had/has HIGH stress job and alcohol issues are rampant.glad u have a job that u enjoy now....i see many who don't realize how the job is contributing to their drinking....no job is worth ruining ur life/health/family relationships over.so when r u going to that first AA meeting?

[Shrekster64]

Debbie
Good morning my friend, I am still fighting the good fight. Thanks to all the support! To answer your question I quit being a Police officer in 2007 kind of abruptly. It was a surprise to everyone around me including the department. I was a Detective and one day I just decided that I wanted something different. I think the turning point was in 2003 I lost one of my best friends in the line of duty and even had the oppurtunity to be there with him when he died. I think that knocked the taste out of my mouth for the job. Not for fear of getting hurt but I lost my passion for the job. I came to work where I'm at now and love it. I sell "big rig" tractors for a freghtliner dealership in Memphis. I am Blessed to find this job and plan on retiring here someday.

I also have a 17 year old son from a previous relationship that lives with me half the time and his Mother half the time, so I understand the stress of teenage drama all to well but for the most part he is a great kid. He does well in school and stays out of trouble so I can't complain. Thats just it I have 4 wonderful children, a wonderful wife and I make a pretty nice living. Maybe thats why I'm deciding not to waist another moment in the bottom of a stupid bottle. I have made an appointment to see a psychologist to deal with the possibility that I may have some PTSD issues from my "chasing bad guys" days and will go to an AA meeting one night this week to see what thats all about. Thank you for everything you do and have a great day my friend!

Craig

[Shrekster64]

First thank you for the kind words I know I'm in the right place and it is really neat that the wonderful people I have met on here would go out of their way to help a stranger. Thank you and God Bless!

Craig

[ibizan]

u don't hafta call b4 u go 2 a meeting...just go in....ppl will welcome u...shake ur hand....sit down and listen.......compare urself within the room to what u hear,, how alcohol has affected the ppl's lives,health,marriages,their kids,legally etc......try different meetings.......u r in the right forum here w/us.....there is so much support here and very good recovery and suggestions!

[atthebeach]

this link explains open  and  closed meetings. no you just go. you dont have to talk in the meeting ,you can just listen if you want.

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/meetings/a/blclosed.htm

admitting you have a problem  is a huge step in recovery. good for you.
it doesnt have to be an addiction counselor,a psychologist is fine. many times addiction is just an outward expression or symptom of what is going on inside our hearts,minds,emotions and our souls. or else it can be self-medicating because of an anxiety or depression issue. if there  wounds,pains or scars from some time in your life they get pushed down deep into your  being and as we use we continue to suppress those emotions and feelings. so counseling will bring up those demons and help you to deal with them.
three children under the age of 5. i miss my kids being young. when you are going through it sometimes you want them to grow up. i prefer them small i have more say and control over where they are and what they do and it is easier to fix a scraped knee than a broken heart from a soured relationship. or from a friend that has hurt them. my children are 25,20,13 & 11 . they are growing to quickly and i am getting older. ouch. you can see my family on my profile page.
no longer a police officer? now what do you do?
well my friend, keep fighting the good fight, keep the faith, press on, you are on the road to recovery. one step at a time, one day at a time
debbie

[Shrekster64]

I geuss I should attend a meeting just to see what it is like. I looked up the info and saw that some meetings are "open" meetings. If I wanted to go. Do I just walk in or do I need to call first or how does it work?

I have pretty good over all health. I have good blood pressure etc. 130/80. I've always been very athletic. I had to stay in shape because I was a Police officer for 11 years from 1996-2007. I think that is part of where the binge drinking came from. That's how alot of them deal with the stress. I know now how damaging that is on the overall scheme of things now but thought that was the way to go for several years.

I have recently got back to praying "alot here lately" I go to church when I can but with 3 children under the age of 5 it gets pretty tough.

As far as a counsler goes I've never seen an addiction counsler but I've been to a psychologist before. I never admitted to having a problem until now, so I don't know if that counts. I've always been a functioning alcoholic I guess. I kept good job performance and I am a hands on father and husband but I think I'm missing out with the drinking thing. Anyway I'll quit rambling here. Thank you for everything.

Craig

[atthebeach]

hi craig ferguson? really?
glad you are feeling so motivated that is  important .your mind set has alot to do with
overcoming addiction. i think you should attend a meeting before you feel tempted it would help you to understand about addiction and the steps that you should put in place to help you on your road to recovery. have you given any thought to seeing a counselor?  
please get exercising and eating more healthy. how is your blood pressure?  i also am a very big believer in the power of prayer. prayer works and it does change things. do you attend church?
your welcome. if i can just encourage 1 person that would be great.
hugs and prayers
debbie

[Shrekster64]

Hey Debbie

Things are going great so far I'm very motivated right now. I responded yesterday but I guess it didn't go thru for what ever reason. I am Sober since the 13th and feel great today. The problem is when I feel the best and get clean, thats when I crave the alcohol the most. So today is the real test. I will get on here before one drop of alcohol hits my lips and ask for support. I really like this site, it helps knowing that people understand and care. I appreciate it so much.

I have made my mind up and even told my wife that the day I get one beer is the day I go to the next step AA. GOD Bless you for the reaching out to people in need. You must be a very special person. The world needs more people as yourself. Thanks for caring!

Craig Ferguson

[atthebeach]

Please let me know how things are going for you?   Good. or bad we are here to listen and help
GOD bless you
Debbie

[atthebeach]

hi how are you feeling? i hope and pray that you are feeling ok. my friend i am so glad that you have decided to take control of your life. you know if you dont stop now it will only get worse. please start to exercise and to eat healthy food.
i think it would benefit you to check into some counseling and support groups.
here is the link to find an aa meeting:

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=28

sending prayers
debbie

[Shrekster64]

Thank you so much for the advise. I have drank this heavily for about 2and a half years. I'm heavier than I have ever been before and I know it has to be wreaking havoc on my body. I'm not that worried about the withdrawal to bad because of the fact I usually don't drink a couple a days after a binge. I have such a tolerance for alcohol now that I don't realize how much I drink until the next day when I feel wrecked and ashamed.

I would love to join this community and all I know is that I've been sober for approx 24 hours now and I'm going to really try to stay that way. I will keep you updated. Please Just pray for me as I will for you. Thanks for the encouragement.

[atthebeach]

hello and welcome to the forum. if you are feeling urges and being tempted to drink when you try to stop i would call that an addiction. how long have you been drinking 36 beers a week? i think you are aware of the risks that the alcohol has on your body.it literally effects every part of your body and causes health problems after prolonged use. do you drink at home or in a bar? if you want to quit or seriously cut down. i would suggest that you start to decease your intake.cut out a couple beers a night.  there can be serious withdrawal symptoms associated with alcohol.
to answer your question life is wonderful substance free.
please stick around lets talk about this.
debbie