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How do we know when the end is near?
My kids are at the ER tonight with their dad (my ex). He has been a severe alcoholic for 20+ years and was diagnosed 15 months ago with Alcoholic Hepatitis and Cirrosis of the liver. He was told then that if he quit drinking, he had approx 2 years to live. He continued to drink heavily until 3 days ago, when he became too sick to drink. He has lost 40+ pounds in the past 6 months, is vomiting blood and has bloody diarrhea now. His skin is bright red from his neck up, his legs are very pale and tonight his feet are actually black. He is having extreme abdominal pain and he is shaking badly. His BP is very high and his pulse is 125+. The ER doctors are running blood tests and a CT scan now. They suspect "alcoholic pancreatitis" but are not explaining anything. The kids called me from the hospital, asking me to do internet research. They need some definite answers. We all know he is dying, but we have no idea if he is looking at days, weeks or months left. Can you help?
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Try google searching rehab centers in your state. Call and speak to them directly. Explain your situation, and they will point you in the right direction. That's what we did, and there IS help out there for someone without insurance and no/low income families.
You just have to take the time to do research, since every state is different. I wish you and your wife all the best!
Tina
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So far, so good!
He was released yesterday from the hospital. He is optimistic, and following doctor's orders. She recommended energy drinks, and that is what he is drinking.
He has an appointment Friday with a rehab center to check out his options.
Keeping our fingers crossed!
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495284 tn?1333897642
Thank God........Keep us posted.  How is Misty?
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1475202 tn?1388955435
That really is great news. I know its hard to stop drinking but its very exciting to start a living a new life! And also how is Misty?

Randy
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Misty is back to work and feeling cautiously optimistic. She is planning to join Al-Anon, and asked me to attend the first meeting with her.
She is trying to resume her normal life, while keeping a close eye on her dad. The relationship with her stepmom was severely damaged during this ordeal, so that doesn't help at all. Lots of stress and drama, but that woman won't come between Misty and her dad. Misty is still itching to fight her, but doesn't want to make the situation harder for her dad. She is a sweet, caring young lady but has a temper. I've seen it many times! lol
Tina
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495284 tn?1333897642
I feel the same "itch" Misty does!!  

I think Alanon is a great idea for the both of you.  Let us know how it goes........sara
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1724834 tn?1310229015
Hi! It's been a little while! I wanted to let everyone know that I went back to work.  My Dad was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday, but I left Monday. It's amazing how much better I felt when I left!
Anyways, I have talked to my Dad on the phone everyday since he left. He has an appoitment to talk to Social Services about Emergency Medicaid and disability on the 20th. He also has an appointment with Daymark Recovery Services tomorrow.  They are going to talk to him about going to rehab and what all of his options are.  He told me he really does want to go to rehab but since he has to pay the bills, he may only do outpatient. I think that's better than nothing! I am so proud of him! He hasn't drank yet! He's drinking energy drinks everyday now though. The doctor recommended them because they are full of vitamins and he gets the ones that are sugar and calorie free. He says that they almost make him feel like he is drinking a beer! He also told me all the drinks he plans to make! Lemonade, smoothies, and Koolaid! lol.  Dad also has decided that he is going to keep the diet that he was eating at the hospital because it seemed to help the pain with his pancreas.  So, no more fried fatty foods! Everything is baked or grilled! (This is a really big change in my Dad!) lol.
As far as the other drama that was going on in the hospital...well I'm still mad about that! I have never in my life imagined hitting someone in the face like I have her! She is the most selfish, ignorant, hateful, cruel person I have ever met in my life! I have no respect for her anymore.  I cannot pick who my Dad falls in love with so I respect his decisions...but I will NEVER respect her! I could care less if I see her again.
For me? Well, like Mom said I've been thinking about getting into Alanon. My boyfriend of 3 years suggested that maybe I see a counslor or something to help me deal with this. He is worried that my Dad's drinking and now the constant worrying if he WILL drink is causing to much stress for me. So, I did a little research and I really like the idea of Alanon. At least then, there will be people there that can relate to me and what I am going to through. Not some counselor who says "and how do you feel about that?" lol. Has anybody on this forum being to Alanon? If so, can you tell me what you got out of it and what it's like. I don't want to go alone because I think the first couple of times will be hard for me emotionally, so I've asked my Mom to go with me. Though here recently, I thought it would be a good idea if my boyfriend went as well so he can understand what the family of an alcoholic goes through.
Also, I just feel like asking (it's odd though so I apologise)...while my Dad was in the hospital the idea of a fake wedding was brought up. My grandfather (who is a preacher) asked me if I would consider having a fake wedding if for some reason it starts to looking like my Dad wouldn't make it to the actual one. I thought it kind of sounded crazy! But, then again it would give him an opportunity to walk me down the isle which is very important to me! So, it's just something that was talked about...nothing serious.
I once again want to thank everyone on here. You guys have become my friends and to actually see that I haven't wrote in a bit and you guys are wondering about me makes me feel like maybe I could make a difference in other people's forums that are asking for help. I'm sure there are other daughters out there in my place that just need to vent! I felt so alone in the hospital until my Mom came or some more family, until I got on the computer and had you all to talk to. And I felt like I could say anything in the world and all of you would just listen. You guys are amazing!
P.S. I will try to do a better job at giving you updates about Dad!

Luv ya lots!
Misty
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495284 tn?1333897642
I think you have a good plan and you are lucky in the sense that your bf and your mom are supportive about you getting some help with this.  Families really feel the brunt of addiction.  I am really happy to hear your dad is moving forward and willing to work on himself.  Screw the stepmom, this isnt about her and hopefully your dad will see the light with her too!  It's okay to feel the way you do about her as long as you dont get caught up in her madness.  Dont let it become your issue.  I dont respect her and i dont even know her!!  As for alanon.....It is a comfortable warm place to be.  They understand what you have been living.  They will give you good advice on what to do and what not to do.  They are a wonderful in person support system.  Go in with an open mind,  You may not always like what you hear!!

Be good to yourself today Misty~~~~~
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1724834 tn?1310229015
I wanted to tell everyone that my Dad had his appointment with Daymark yesterday. They told him that since he was 11 days sober, they did not think that he needed to do an in-patient rehab. They feel like he would do better at outpatient. Because of his low income, he can do it for free through them.  He will have group meetings as well as personal counseling. He told me yesterday that the great thing about this is that they have meetings everynight as well as everyday. So, if he gets the craving to drink at all, then he can just hop in the car and go to a meeting and it will hopefully make him feel better.  He is VERY excited about rehab!

So, it's been now 12 days that he has gone without alcohol. Which is absolutely amazing! He has changed his diet completely and is only eating healthy foods and drinking healthy drinks.  He switched from whole milk to 1%. He's also drink electrolytes to build his immune system back up (something that the doctor recommended). He absolutely REFUSES to eat anything that is bad for him. He is not drinking the energy drinks anymore because he heard that they were bad for his heart.  He also is refusing his medicine. Do you think this is normal? He said that he doesn't want to take his pain and sleep medicine because he is afraid that he will get addicted to it. He is extremely cautious these days!

Now, I do have a question though and it's more towards the people in this group that have quit drinking...Dad, since drinking has almost become paranoid.  He is now cleaning out his whole house (which needed to be done anyways because it was filthy!). But, he is throwing away anything that has not been looked at, touched, or used in 6 months. His reason is because that is the "old him". He keeps reminding me that quitting drinking is a lifestyle change and everything has to change. He is terrified to eat foods that are bad for him because it could cause more pain in his pancreas. He told me the other night he had some crab legs and shrimp that he steamed and he usually puts a beer in them to flavor them. He had one beer left and said he opened it up and the smell got to him. He said "I don't understand how I ever drank so much of this sh**, it smells like pee!" It was his first whiff of beer in 10 days. He is SCARED to drink. He also said that he will never do that again because when he ate the foods afterwards he could taste the beer and was scared that all of the alcohol may have not cooked out.  He told me he is using post it notes around the house (on the mirrors, refrigerator, just random places) about how he will not drink.  I'm not complaining...so please don't think I am....but Dad is a little different now.  He is constantly keeping himself busy. He has been cleaning everyday until like 2 am. Do you think he is has it in his head that if he stays busy he will not drink? It's even different to talk to him! Dad has never really talked about religion. But yesterday he told me that since detoxing was fairly easy he thought it was the Lord helping him out because he was going to give him one more chance. It's so different hearing him talk like this! He also is so interested in what is going on in my life now! He is constantly asking questions! He used to always try to get off the phone with me and now it's me telling him "Dad, I got to go." When he was drinking he would call me sometimes 6,7,8 times at night to yell at me over and over about things and each in each phone call he would say the same things because he didn't remember talking to me before. Eventually I would have to turn off my phone. He just sounds so happy! It's amazing watching this transformation in him! I'm still weary because I think it's too early and he could slip at anytime. I just didn't know if recovering alcoholics hit a stage where they panic that they might drink and do drastic lifestyle changes like throw everything away in their house.

Also, I was wondering if when you guys quit drinking did you have a problem with sleeping? He won't take the meds but says that sleeping is almost impossible these days. He "cat naps" throughout the night. He also has a new complaint....he can't quit eating. He said he eats all the time so he has a bunch of healthy snacks to munch on. Did any of you go through this? And if so, how long did it last?

Thank you guys once again!
Misty
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YES..i had horrendous problems w/insomnia and non-stop eating.....specially the sweets!ur dad  drank longer than i did ..i started at age 14 and stopped at 28.I am 55 now!REMEMBER we have damaged our bodies and central nervous systems for years...it will take time for them to repair themselves......what he is doing to alleviate this is good...many of the same things i did........and watching the caffeine intake.....i found a great cure for insomnia to be the AA big book...reading while lying down and i would drift in2 sleep!took catnaps too but sleeping for 10-12 hours at a time...this did decrease after my first year of being sober/clean!
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Also Misty he could be having problems with sleep due to the condition of his liver. Cirrhotic patients often have a problem with what they call sleep reversal. Ammonia is found in the blood stream due to the livers inability to filter the toxin out. Ammonia reaches the brain making sleep difficult. So while the brain is active the rest of the body is very fatigued and needs rest. Sleep is very important to cirrhotic patients as it will allow the liver time to heal. This is why medication is important such as Xifaxan and/or lactulose.
It's very good that he is eating healthy although vitamins are very important. He should be taking a multi-vitamin that does not contain Iron. Centrum silver is a good one to take. All multi-vitamins contain manganese which is also is harmful for cirrhotic patients with hepatic encephalopathy (HE). If he develops HE then he may need his doctor to determine whether he should continue the Vitamin but for now it is importantly needed due to his overall liver function.
B-complex is also great for the liver it helps speed up the process of healthy cell regeneration and much more. So this is another vitamin he should be taking. The foods he eats will give him most of what he needs but with cirrhosis everything passes through the digestive system more quickly not allowing a sufficient amount of vitamins to be absorbed. This is the reason for the supplements.
Milk thistle is commonly taken to remover toxins from the liver. There is not any medical evidence supporting proof of this simply from lack of testing. Some doctors will say it's a waste of time but it won’t hurt you while others may say it’s great and is recommended. I take it and my recovery has been going great. I don’t know if it help but I know it didn’t hurt!
Foods that contain antioxidants are great for him to eat. some examples;
blackberries, blue berries, prunes, rasins, strawberries, greens - kale-spinach-broccoli-Brussels sprouts-alfalfa sprouts, fruits also are a terrific source.
So things to avoid are anything containing a lot or Iron and fat. Red meats are also said to raise the ammonia level but again there is not enough supporting medical research. Of course he should also be monitoring his sugar intake. Cool-aid lemonade soda all contain high amounts of sugar. He should also be aware that aspartame is damaging to the liver so things like crystal light or sugar free soda are bad too. Hydration is very critical though and bottled water is perfect!
New topic, your dads recent behavior is very normal and to be expected. Recently I mentioned that "starting a new life can be very exciting" and his behavior is what I meant by that. After finding sobriety many alcoholics look at their life and are very unhappy with the lifestyle they have been living. Change is very healthy and necessary to get and stay out of the same rut the have been in for years. Even with the "friends" they have in their life.
Oh I just remembered to tell you that any pain medication can become addictive to an alcoholic. He has an addictive personality so these pills are a bad idea! I'm glad he stopped taking them. all pain pills are bad for the liver, even Ibuprofen, Tylenol. Pretty much learn to live with headaches.
Well I think that's it! just that little lil bit! ha ha
Randy
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1475202 tn?1388955435
I thought of one more thing he should know also. Do not eat before going to bed. It is very hard on the body to rest during sleep if its having to process foods. When you sleep your body should be allowed to rest and heal. He should not eat for atleat two hours prior to going to bed to allow for ample time to rest
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495284 tn?1333897642
How are things going there?
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1724834 tn?1310229015
Hi Everyone!!

Today is Saturday..which means Dad is 19 days sober and still going strong.  He has started rehab.  He is still eating healthy and becoming closer to God. He and I have also become a lot closer. Now that Dad is not drunk all the time anymore he calls me and has time to talk about what is going on in my life now. He calls me at least once a day now. The best part of all this (besides his health) is that when I talk to him, he remembers it the next day. No more constantly repeating himself and arguing about stuff that didn't make any sense. It's now just a normal conversation! I can't say I got my Dad back because I have never seen this man in my whole life, but if I ever had to choose the "perfect Dad" this is definetely what I would choose.  It feels amazing. I pray to God he can keep going strong!
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495284 tn?1333897642
I am so happy to hear he is still going strong!  Congrats to all of you on 19 days sober!!!

My dad was a recovering alcoholic and it wasnt until he got sick in 2005 that he and i finally had a father daughter relationship.  He lived for 10 months(brain cancer) and we packed a life time of memories into that time.  Enjoy everyday with your dad.  They are amazing, loving and so very smart!
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I said a prayer for him. It is sad the way we let alcohol & drugs destroy us.
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495284 tn?1333897642
Update please!!!
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1724834 tn?1310229015
Dominosarah- Hi! Thank you for posting.  Dad is now 24 days sober.  He is doing amazing! You're right! It's unreal how close we have gotten. It's like all of a sudden he realizes how much he has missed and wants to make up for it.  He calls me constantly!! It's so much fun! He is still eating a lot and having a hard time sleeping.  Also, he says that he sweats a lot.  But besides that...he is doing amazing.  The neatest part about this whole situation is that now the next day he can still talk about what we talked about the night before....because he actually remembers it.  I am really sorry to hear about your Dad. I know that must have been hard for you but I am so glad that you got the 10 months with him! When I was in the hospital, and didn't know if this would be the end...I realized all the things that I would regret. The time I didn't spend with him, and the hate that I had for all the things that he chose alcohol over.  I'm over that.  I feel like I cannot dwell on the past because we need to move forward. He has already proved me wrong and I am so proud of him! I feel like I don't have to hide anything anymore..."misty with the drunk dad"....it's like now I feel like I have a normal dad with a normal life.  Although he still has a lot of health problems, he is trying so hard to do what he needs to.

itmeagainmargaret (hehehehe...ray stevens lol)- I wanted to say Thank you so much for praying.  I know that there are a lot of people that have been praying for him and all I ask is that people continue to keep doing it because it obviously is working! For him to quit alcohol is an absolute miracle! I never expected this honestly...but only the Lord can make the unexpected happen!!!

Thank you guys so much!!!!

Misty
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1032715 tn?1315987834
It great to hear your dad is sticking to sobriety,
enjoy every minute with him,is he still being hassled by your stepmom,because this could make it hard for him

He is very lucky to have a supportive daughter like you,

My prayers are with him from across the ocean.
God Bless
Denise
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Hi Misty! Thank you very much for coming by and sharing how things are going. Your father is very lucky to have you and Nick both! I bet he really realizes that now.

He is very forunate to have a chance at getting things right this time. I dont know much about your Mom but she must really be amazing too! take care and God bless you all!

Randy
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Wow!i love to read stories like this...so seldom do we see them but when we do it it so very COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!keep going Misty's dad!:)
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82861 tn?1333457511
WHOOO HOOOOOO!!!!  I can't thank you enough for the update.  That is just wonderful news and I'm so very happy for you both.  Enjoy!  :-D
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495284 tn?1333897642
Just continue to enjoy being "daddy's little girl".  We need to have that part of us taken care of too.......

Congrats to you both(mom too) on your dads sobriety!!!  Simply amazing and wonderful~~
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What a great group of caring, supportive people you all are! I am humbled and very grateful for your advice, prayers, and concern that you have shown for Misty and her dad.
I am his ex-wife, so I am not nearly as involved in this as Misty and her brother Nick. He and I haven't been close in many years, for many reasons. He and I both remarried, his wife has jealousy issues, and of course his drinking. We had absolutely nothing in common except for the kids. Before his hospital stay, I hadn't seen him since Nick's high school graduation (and he showed up drunk at 9:00am). He changed so much over the years, and I had a lot of anger and resentment that grew each time he caused the kids to cry. When he was admitted into the hospital, I visited him. Honestly, it was only because Misty needed me. I was shocked by his appearance. He looked horrible, and nobody knew if he would live or not. Seeing him that way and hearing the doctor reports of "permanant damage" brought on a tremendous variety of mixed feelings for me: anger, resentment, sadness, pity, etc. He did it all to himself, but there comes a time when it doesn't matter anymore what caused it.                                                                 When he was released to go home, I never thought he would stop drinking. It's been the most important thing in his life for so many years. His drinking always came before everything, especially our kids. He has surprised us all in the past 3 weeks! Both kids are thrilled. Nick is leaving for boot camp (Marines) in less than 2 weeks, and he is looking forward to his new sober dad attending his graduation in October. I am cautiously optimistic. It almost seems too easy, and I'm confused about why he hasn't had the urge to drink. He has told Misty that beer smells nasty to him now. I hope that the fear of dying is enough to keep him sober, but I was expecting this to be much harder for him. In the meantime, I am so glad that Misty and Nick finally have a sober dad. When he calls our house now, Nick actually enjoys talking to him instead of making up excuses to avoid it. My kids are everything to me, and I am so happy for them!  Thank you all!
                              
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495284 tn?1333897642
I was congratulating you on being able to see your kids enjoying their time with their sober dad!!  I know how hard that is to see the hurt in a childs eyes.  It's okay to have reservations about him staying sober.  We are only 1 drink away from relapse.  Hopefully this was the bottom for him and he continues on with his sobriety.  Just for today he is sober and that is all we have.  I get very nauseated from the smell of liquor, to the point of dry heaving.  Can be a challenge not to lose my cookies when i wait on a customer who is 3 sheets to the wind!!!  There comes a time when we need to forgive the other person, not to let them off the hook but to let us off the hook, sounds like you have done that.  Stay in touch~~sara
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495284 tn?1333897642
Tinker-Misty?  Come out wherever you are!!!  How are things going?
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Good morning! Misty has been working a lot, but I talk to her daily. She has been having some health issues lately (female problems), and just learned that she probably won't ever be able to conceive. Of course, that was a big shock. At 23 years old, she assumed that when she was ready and prepared for a baby, it would happen. We have looked at some online adoption agencies, but that is so expensive! She will be heading back to college next month, so her days will be filled with studying and working for a while.
On a brighter note, she is now officially engaged! My future son-in-law is a great young man, and I am so happy for them both. We will be planning a beautiful NC beach wedding for next year. She was so worried that he would leave when they learned she can't have children of her own, but he showed her! He is male, so of course he can be stubborn and he has a rather large male ego. But overall, he is so good for her! :)
My son Nick is leaving Sunday for Marine boot camp. I'm happy and proud, but I sure will miss him! He will be gone for 13 weeks before he gets a break to come home.
I talked to Mark on the phone earlier this week. He is still sober and doing well. He still sounds very determined, and he seems so much happier now. Sobriety is still easy for him, and he credits the doctor's bluntness for that. "You drink, you die-No exceptions". He definitely doesn't want to die.
That's about all the news from here for now. I'm counting down the days until school starts. I have one going into 2nd grade and one starting kindergarten. Both are boys, and they fight constantly. It's been a long, hot summer! We finally finished paying our attorney, and our adoption should be finalized soon. We've had full custody of these boys (hubby's grandsons) since 2006, so I'll be so happy when we are their "legal" parents!
How are all our new friends here doing?
Tina
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495284 tn?1333897642
Sounds like we better get our good clothes out as we have a wedding to attend!!!  lol  I will write more later.  Have to get some clothes on the line and head to work!!
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Congradulations to your whole family! Everyone of you have great news to tell. Misty and her engagement, Nick and the Marines, Tina and her husband so many things to be proud of along with the adoption of the boys. Of course Mark getting back on his feet for the first time in years. What a great family! To me its the ideal perfect family. If you all ever make a TV show maybe you could give a shout out to the Alcoholics at MedHelp! ha ha

I wish every one of you the very best and God bless you all!
Randy
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My name is brad and my dad is a severe alcohol he has had a box of wine and a 18 pack of beer every day now for a month straight and had been a bad drunk for 25 plus years now he is in his last stages I think but mayb u can tell me how long u think he may have? He is rich and lives out on a lake alone and is very Lonley I'm his only son and he just drinks hardcore every day and doesn't do anything anymore and won't go see his dr or anything he was in the hospital last year for 45 days and almost died there got out went a week clean and has been super drunk ever since I saw ur conversation with Randy and thought you could give me any ideas on what you think about how long I have with him I think it's a daily event and that he may die any time
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My name is brad and my dad is a severe alcohol he has had a box of wine and a 18 pack of beer every day now for a month straight and had been a bad drunk for 25 plus years now he is in his last stages I think but mayb u can tell me how long u think he may have? He is rich and lives out on a lake alone and is very Lonley I'm his only son and he just drinks hardcore every day and doesn't do anything anymore and won't go see his dr or anything he was in the hospital last year for 45 days and almost died there got out went a week clean and has been super drunk ever since I saw ur conversation with Randy and thought you could give me any ideas on what you think about how long I have with him I think it's a daily event and that he may die any time
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Brad, there is no way to know how much damage your dad has done to himself, so only the doctor can guess at his time frame. I thought for sure my ex would die in the emergency room over a month ago, but he made drastic changes and is doing great. Sometimes an alcoholic has to hit "rock bottom" before they realize how serious their problem is. The lucky ones get another chance at life. I would definitely worry about your dad being alone though. If anything happened, he may not be able to call for help. If he is drinking because he is lonely, he needs to know that he is loved. Spend as much time with him as possible. That time will be good for you both!
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1724834 tn?1310229015
Hey Everyone! I am extremely happy to report that my Dad is 41 days sober and still going strong.  He is still eating healthy and learning to how to treat himself naturally without the use of medicines.  He has figured out that certain foods will cause pain in his pancreas and knows what to eat and drink to make the pain not be there.  He is still having problems sleeping but he says they are not as bad as they were.  He also is not shaking near as much!  He also told me that he is gaining weight which is a good thing because he has lost so much from all the throwing up that the alcohol made him do.  I am becoming more positive about this situation and I feel like maybe this really is something that he is going to keep up.  I was a little cautious at first, and still am a little, but he is proving me wrong everyday! He is delivering pizzas under the table and is in school for motorcycle mechanics.  He has told me that he has friends that have drank around him.  This does worry me a little.  He said that he smelled it and it smelled like horse pee and he never understood how in the world he drank that stuff. He also said that when his friends get drunk, and he is just sitting there sober, he finally gets to see how much of an idiot he was...lol.
Yes, I have been having some problems and have gone to my doctor who sent me to get some tests. The tests did come back that I have endometriosis in my ovaries and my uterus.  It's extremely painful. I am no longer ovulating. (Sorry for the men on here) I am now faced with the decision of having kids a lot sooner than I expected or to not have any at all of my own.  In order to have children now, I will have to take a series of shots to make me ovulate and then the possibilty of multiples has come up....and that scares me.  I am completely stuck. I have no idea what to do, so I have made another doctors appointment to talk to her to get an opinion and learn what my options are.  My boyfriend and I wil be getting married!!! We have been together for about 3 years so I think that we are prepared to make such a big commitment.  He is my best friend and I'm ready. Like Mom said, we are going to have a wedding on the beach probably around September of next year.  My dad will be walking me down the aisle.  I was always scared that my little brother would have to do it because my Dad wouldn't be here when it was time.  I'm not scared anymore.  I think Dad will be here.  And if not, it won't be the alcohol that took him away from this special time in my life.  Dad and I have talked about me getting married and he said that if we toasted at the wedding to Champagne or wine, we will get him some sparkling grape juice and nobody will ever no the difference and he can still be a part of it...lol.  I will be going to school on August 23rd for nursing.  I have 2 semesters left of pre-nursing and then it's applying to get into the program.  I am shooting to be in the nursing program in the Fall of 2012. Wish me luck! :-)

To Brad: I have no way of knowing how long your dad has left to live.  I can tell you that I don't know what happened in that hospital that made my dad want to quit drinking but whatever it was, it worked.  I have cried, begged, pleaded, screamed, cussed....I have done everything I could to try to get Dad to quit and he never would. Some people will tell you differently but I don't think you make an alcoholic quit before they are ready.  And even them, some are never ready. When I took Dad to the hospital he was bleeding out his nose, mouth, penis, and rectum. It was horrible.  His skin color was yellow. He had lost probably 30-40 pounds. He couldn't eat or sleep.  All he did was throw up this nasty green thick stuff which I later found out was liver bile. And he was in SO much pain! He hurt right at the top part of his stomach.  I stayed with him the whole time to make sure that he was ok and it was not a pretty sight.  I wanted him to know that no matter what I forgave him, and I wanted him to get better. I was told that it was extremely important to make sure that he knows that he has a lot of support so I would not leave his side.  Your Dad needs some support. I know it seems hard, especially with him still drinking, to be supportive because then you feel like you are supporting his addiction.  That's how I felt.  When I was mad at Dad for drinking I would make up excuses not to go to house because I didn't want to see him drunk or to allow him to think that I thought it was ok.  Dad actually showed up at my little brother's high school graduation at 10 am drunk. It was embarassing for him! Instead, when I would go to his house, I would try to go as early as possible so he wasn't too bad yet or hadn't passed out.  I told him over and over that the drinking was going to kill him. I even asked him one time how he wanted things done in the end because that is where he was heading and I wanted to be prepared.  I told him over and over....I love you Dad, I just don't love the things that you do to yourself and your family.  I seriously believe that Dad is one of those people that hit "rock bottom" and was able to bounce back.  I think you should visit your Dad often. Not only for him, but for you. If something happened to him would you regret not going as much? Make sure he is not lonely.  Only God knows when it is someone's time to go, but make sure that in the meantime you get to spend as much time as you can with him.  That will be important later.  When we were in the hospital I thought he might would die....and I began to think of all the times I let him down by not being there. Please keep me posted on how he is doing and I will try to get on here more to keep with the updates.  The people in this group Brad, are amazing. I wish I could meet everyone of them in person because when I was so down and upset and scared they seemed to make me feel so much better. For a whole week of my life, the one thing I looked forward to was for someone to write me on here! If it weren't for this group, I might have gone crazy! lol

Thank you guys! You are awesome!

Misty
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495284 tn?1333897642
We could use an update here ladies!!!
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Hi Randy....you seem to know quite a bit about this sub. I will share some things with you and ask one question.  I was admitted to the hosp. on 6-9-13 with severe hydration, very low electrolyte levels, ascites and just plain sick. They ordered an ultrasound first and loads of blood work round the clock and diag me w- cirrhosis.  I followed up with a Gastro guy, Rheum, and my MD, totally complied with their directions, have changed my diet, done the supplements, milk thistle, exercise and abstinence. It will be 4 mos in a few . I recently had a full body ct scan and the liver, pancreas, spleen, gall bladder showed normal and no evid of ascites.
My question is, other than the obvious, what could it possible hurt if I had just one glass of wine?
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1475202 tn?1388955435
Hello Bella and welcome to MedHelp.

I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis and I am glad to hear you are doing well.

Let me explain to you how cirrhosis works:

Everything we ingest damages and kills liver cells but that is okay because the liver has the ability to heal itself by reproducing healthy new cells. This is part of its every day function. The liver performs more than 500 critical functions daily. When we abuse alcohol massive amounts of liver cells are being destroyed and over time the liver is unable to keep up so scar tissue begins to form. This is called fibrosis and in more severe cases cirrhosis. It is critical to stop any further advancement to prevent this disease from becoming fatal.

It sounds like you have compensated cirrhosis which means enough of your liver is still healthy enough to perform its daily functions. This also means without further advancement it is possible for you to live your full life not being shortened due to liver disease though it does not take much for your liver to decompensate and symptoms to manifest. Once enough damage has been done the disease will progress until your liver fails.

Having one glass of alcohol is what got you here to begin with. You know the pattern of alcoholism and how it works. None of us here ever just stop after one. Allowing one will only lead to more or doing it more often. It’s been more than 3 ½ years since my diagnosis, many times I have often wished it would be okay to just have a night of “fun”. Really though, would you even be able to enjoy it knowing what it’s doing to your already damaged liver? Gambling with your survival and how would you feel about it the next day? Be stronger than this my friend. You have made a huge change in your life, your finally on top probably for the first time in years this drink does not control any aspect of your life. You have done what it takes to save your own life, be proud of yourself it has been a long hard road and if you start up drinking again with only having one then you throw away everything you have just accomplished. It does not take long for a cirrhotic person that continues to drink causing liver disease to advance to liver failure.

Just ask the lady that started this post. The man the mother and daughter speak about in the above posts is sadly no longer with us because he was unable to find the strength to maintain his sobriety until he reached a point where it was too late.  

Sorry to go on such a rant over such a simple question but it is very important you understand the serious risk that you would be taking. If it were so easy to just stop after one. then why are we all here?

I wish you the best, take care!

Randy
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1475202 tn?1388955435
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So glad to see you here my dear Poohbear!Congrats on the sober days!Such a better life indeed!Thank U as usual for the stellar feedback!
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1475202 tn?1388955435
I always stop by to see how your doing over here Ibizzy, I'm sneaky sneaky like that. Ha ha You really have some wonderful people here in the community, especially you! It's always great to read how excited some people are about starting their new life.

I wish nothing but the best for you my friend.. Cheers!

Randy
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Back atcha my favorite assistant!:)i know u llurk w/the best of intentions!
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1724834 tn?1310229015
I realize it's been 2 years and I haven't written on here but I don't think I ever wrote a message telling everyone what happened afterwards. Dad never picked up another drink. He remained sober and continued to go to AA and was able to help other alcoholics through his story. It was amazing the transformation that he achieved! I switched majors at school and now I am graduating in May with a degree in substance abuse counseling so that I can help others who are struggling like he was.  
In May of 2013 my dad got confused. I got a call from his aa group that he was not acting right. When I talked to him on the phone he couldn't even tell me where he was. I rushed over there and took him to the hospital. In the hospital I learned that his cirrhosis was pretty bad and his lactulose levels were extremely high. No matter how much medicine they have it still wouldn't bring them down. I'll never forget the lady coming in to talk to us about hospice. I was shocked. They told me my dad was going to die. They have me a time frame that I wasn't prepared for..." A couple of days to a couple of weeks" dad went home with hospice. On the way we stopped at every family members house to say goodbye just in case. It never seemed real and it felt like a dream. Dad was staying at home with visits from hospice until one night he made a phone call to me. He said "misty, I know you would do anything for me and before I die I need one more favor. I'm tired of saying goodbye to people and I have a loaded gun here but I don't have the guts to pull the trigger and I need you to do it for me" after that input dad in a hospice home.  Dad was the youngest patient there at 47 Years old. He also appeared to be the healthiest. Checking on all the patient and walking around giving our hugs to all the staff. They loved him there! That Saturday dad asked me to cook him a alexia meal for Sunday. His only request? That we all eat from the same plates and sit down like a real family. It was my Brother and I. Dad said that day that he didn't want my brother to go back to base and to just hang our with him. Actually he insisted it! We thought it was crazy because my brother needed to save his leave for when things for bad. But my dad persisted and he stayed. That spaghetti with extra meat and extra cheese was our last meal with dad. That night his vital signs declined. He woke up just enough to tell us he loved us and to not leave his side. On Monday Tuesday and Wednesday he screamed. He screamed for help. He projectile vomited blood and bled through his eyes. He actually looked like he was crying blood tears. I'll never forget what that looked like. Thursday morning June 6th, 2013 at 11:25 am my dad died. For some odd reason that I will never understand my brother and I stepped out of the room for the first time together. We were only gone for like 3 minutes and that is when my dAd took his last breath. He made us promise we wouldn't leave his side and we ended up only being the only 2 people that weren't there. I think that's the one thing my brother and I still struggle with.
I wanted everyone to know you will never understand how much you helped me. Thank you for all of your support and words of encouragement. You guys mean the world to me And I wish I could hug everyone of you individually. I'm doing much better. I believe god put me through this so that I can have the compassion it takes to work with other alcoholics. I have a purpose in life and as I help people I will wear my necklace with my dad's ashes (that he helped me pick out before he died) with pride so that he is able to continue to serve others with me.
Thank you guys once again!
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OMG!i was speechless reading this!so sorry for your loss:(you have invaluable life experience to contribute to the counseling field!may many see it...and learn from it!i hope your holidays are peaceful and i know you will remember your dad's good moments in life!
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Wow! I just found this thread looking for info on alcoholism (dad and other family). What an amazing and beautiful story of family love, redemption, service and purpose. God bless you and your brother,Misty. I hope you are still doing well.
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May God Bless you and your dad and may God continue to work through you in helping others to stay sober.  
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Thank you for writing, you helped me tonight. I'm worried by brother is in or nearing end stage alcoholism.  I love him so much.  I'm going to visit him within the next week. I'll find out more then.  Misty you are a wonderful daughter, sister and no doubt friend to many.  Thank you to all who wrote here, you helped me very much.  So sad ... alcoholism, it breaks my heart.  
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My husband has been an abusive drunk for over 30 yrs.   He drinks heavily every weekend and the days  he takes a week or so off from  work, he drinks 7 days a week.  I never left him because he insists on driving drunk unless I hide the keys.  I have been hiding them for many yrs and the few times I forgot he took off drunk.  Once he smashed the car into  fence.  I worry that he is going to kill an innocent person.  When people tell me I am an ******* for not leaving him, it could be their family member that he kills because I did not hide his keys.  He also threatens to burn down the house if I go to a lawyer.  I am stuck in this hell and no one has ever given me advice as what to do.  He has been in the mental hospital and also rehab, but he still chooses to drink.
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The minute he leaves the house drunk and in a car, call the police and have him arrested for drunk driving, it won't only save another persons life, it just might save his.  
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That is not as simple as a solution as you might believe. If he is arrested for drunk driving, it can be very expensive. So his wife will have to suffer those financial consequences as well.   And his wife will have to drive him everywhere, even when he is sober. Which will severely impact her schedule. Plus a drunk driving conviction does not necessarily stop a drunk from wanting to continue drinking.   The legal system cannot "fix "a person and keep them from drinking. Unless of course, they are locked up.
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Sorry for your loss! I know this post thread is old but you and your dad are still helping others as I stumbled across this site by pure luck; or maybe the Lord brought me here!

Bless you and your family

Will- former black out drunk who is 1 month sober
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I am in a similar situation. I do hate him. He is mean & abusive. I don't feel bad for feeling this way. I was a good wife & he chose alcohol knowing he would hurt me. I will be released when he breaths his last breath.
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I have read every comment from first to last. I am sorry about your father. I know I too will experience my fathers demise due to alcohol. I am glad you got to experience that time with him while he was getting better. I am simply amazed my father is still here,years have gone by wondering if he will make it through this night or the next.He is an abusive man when he drinks, mostly just verbal now that he can't get around on his own. Me being his oldest son I believe I am his biggest punching bag. Death threats to me are not uncommon, but I know that if he was sober he would be a different man and if I'm not there for him no one who really cares for him will be.
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