I AM AN ALCOHOLIC AND HELP ME

I have been hiding this pretty good from everyone so they don't know. I need help and I don't know what to do. I have 3 children under the age of 6. My husband may have an idea but hasn't said anything. I just want to cleanse myself of this horrible feeling. To just need alcohol to even get started?? WTH is that? I am done with that. It's really sad b/c I will miss it. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I just want to start living for me again. I used to be a health nut and then my momma died. When that happened I just stopped caring about anything. That was in Sept. 07. Now I want a new life and if anyone knows how I can help to accomplish that I would be very thankful. I just want a new life so bad :(

[ibizan]

your profile says u r a male?mistake there?alcohol will not bring ur mom back....and if u believe in a afterlife which i sure hope there is one....your mom looking down on u would not want u to be doing this!i lost my father in 2006....i know he was proud of my sobriety and would me to continue on....like i believe ur mom would want for u!

[luvmykids29]

Sorry....I am a female. I know it won't bring her back but it just seems to make it easier if only for an hour or two. I just am tired of it and I want to finally deal with this once and for all. I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost.

[ibizan]

oh my dear i know how u feel!my dad has been gone 3 years......i have his pics in my kitchen and i talk to him all the time...i feel like he answers back within me.....i miss talking to him soo much....he was in so much pain from his cancer and i'm glad he suffers no more but that emptiness we will always feel as i am told by many who have also lost parents.My mom is living but has Lewy Body Dementia...in assisted living...happened at same time dad passed...she has congestive heart failure and is presently filled with 25 lbs.of fluid they can only deal with meds for she is not a surgical candidate.I know the day will come when i lose her..it is inevitable and it will tear my heart to shreds as urs is being torn now.There are support groups for greif/loss.....do you have ppl u talk too about losing ur mom?lady i work with last both her parents within 2 weeks of each other...and had a kidney transplant...she is a help/support to me!

[suespun]

I always drank to get drunk, but my drinking really got soooo bad after my mom's stroke.  While I thought it helped a little, at first, it soon became a terrible hole.  I am so grateful to be sober today.  I still grieve the loss of the mother I had before her stroke and sometimes it is painful.  The difference for me now is that I honor those feelings and they do pass.  I find they are much easier to manage without the hangover.  My husband noticed and made several comments.  When I was in the drunken mindset this upset me terribly and I would rage.  My AA friends and community are so great to me when I am down, and they show me how to "get out of myself" and support others to help ease my pain.  For me, it is so much bettetr that I feel without drinking.  I hope you find what works for you and you can find what you need.  I have seen so many people recover and handle very sad situations sober.  All the best.

[ibizan]

thank u for ur comments.....in this life all of us go thru lifes ups and downs and losing a parent... or parents... this is the downswing and our sober friends help us the most......and being sober helps us to feel the pain let it go feel it again but in time the intensity fades...never the memories but we learn to deal with it better.

[boogieman]

hi there. no matter what happens, keep us posted and we will help you all we can. as far as something you can do now, give aa a shot, there are folks there who have been where you are and made it through the darkness. you are not alone and there is a solution. take care,  gm

[peaches84]

Hey Hun
I am not an alcoholic (not that I am aware of anyhow) but I def drink to much, and that is also to make myself feel better after a berevement-my best friend died in a car crash 3 years ago. I used to abuse drugs also-cocaine, every weekend also, as well as drinking. I cut the coke out almost 2 months ago, and I aim to go on that way. Someone on here gave me a very useful peice of advice, abusing outselves is no way to respect the memory of our loves ones, they wouldn't want us to abuse ourselves, and harm ourselves, as a way of coping with our missing them-and it's very true.

I know I drink to much, I'm a weekend binger mainly, but i've noticed myself wanting alcohol during the week to. My anxiety is sky high-this weekend for example, after a binge, I have had terrible anxiety, which won't seem to go away. I think that you've done the right thing joining on here, and sharing your problems, talking helps alot and it's the first step, realising you have a problem is the way forward, and that's what you've done.

Instead of drinking to get drunk, allow yourself a limit (I'm not sure how much you drink?) of 2 units a day, so 2 vodka and diet cokes. count your units.. then eventually every other day, then at weekends only, or not at all! If you are a very heavy drinker, some alcoholics can consume a whole bottle of vodka a day, then consult a doctor with a plan to come off drink to avoid any withdrawel, because that can be dangerous.
Don't worry, you are not alone and people on here are here to help.
I know how crazily hard it is to loose someone you love, it's heart breaking, but you know as well as I do, that abusing ourselves is internalising our feelings, letting them out, is a step in the right direction.
Could you perhaps chat to your husband about how you feel? if not, a good friend and a GP?
take care hun x med help has helped me through tough times, and continues to do so, as I said, being open about things is one step in the right direction.
Laura x