I am an alcoholic!

I have been in sobriety for 9 months! And involved in an AA 12 step group, the only thing that saved my life. I am 22 and also have several other addictions which 12 steps help me with also. I am at a stage where i don't feel the desire to drink anymore. But as they say, the bottle is not the only problem, we still deal with the other 85% that makes us addicts, and the behaviours and addict mind set will always be with us.
I was a heavy drinker, wouldn't touch anything under 30% alcohol, unless i went through all of my bottles of fireball whiskey, then i would move onto drinking everyone else's. At the time i loved my lifestyle, i still have nostalgic flashbacks.
They say it is sort of like a mourning process - not everything about drinking was a bad thing, so we mourn those good times. But there are so many things i don't miss about it. I was the type of alcoholic that hit rock bottom frequently, in fact i had no experiences that were mild in my past, therefore it was hard for me to comprehend what recovery could be. I drank since around the age of 16, back then just a binge drinker, could live without it for a few weeks or even a month, then i would have an indescribable craving to go back out and drink. Then it drastically worsened to drinking daily, i never got hungover as i would wake up and start my drinking. I lost everything. I got in a lot of trouble, was in the drunk tank every other day, locked up, was picked up in ambulances frequently, nearly died every day. I am surprised i am alive. It was actually a paramedic that told my family i was stealing their money and getting drunk every day, a time when i had fallen in mid traffic riding drunk on my bike too fast, serious injuries. That was when my cover was blown, and my family decided to take all my money away. I was forced to recover the first time. I experienced many relapses. I went to AA meetings, but would just hit the liquor store right after, or attend meetings drunk. I also ruined my reputation around town drastically. This is the longest i have gone sober, and i am proud of myself.
Scared that at any time i can go back out and lose my hard earned months. But the idea of going back out scares me, i know i will have no control. So i take it one step at a time, one day at a time. And i go to meetings every day. And i do my steps.
The first time i did the 12 steps i did not do it properly and honestly, i just flew through them and thought "why is this so hard for everyone else?" I also had a lot of egotistical ideas, thought i was self aware and doing great, when i barely scraped the surface. About a couple months ago, i had decided i didn't need AA anymore. I said, "man these people are depressing, they have 30 years sobriety yet they still whine about how they could go hit the bottle at any second". I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to accept i had to suffer with alcoholism my whole life, i thought i was special, more important than them. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life going to stupid meetings. I had a grand ego idea that i was better than everyone else, and i was completely cured. I was doing good, the 12 steps worked, and i felt like i had cured the disease and everyone else was just stupid. So arrogantly i told them all off, said "you guys don't know what the hell your talking about", i didn't understand the old timer saying Once an alcoholic, Always an Alcoholic. More so, i refused to believe it. I thought, that if God could and would if he were sought, restore us to sanity, then why couldn't he cure it completely? I thought i was one of the special ones that had been. So i ditched AA and everything that had been helping me, went on my own merry way.
I did not go back out and drink. No... but i fell, and was doing worse than i had when i was drinking, i was now sober but living in complete misery and despair. That is when i learned about the other 85% Not going to meetings and being on my own ended me up in insanity more so than when i was drinking and self medicating it.
On a fluke day, i decided on a whim to go back to a meeting, told everyone "im doing great". Such a lie. Then something happened, and my conversation led me to admit i was doing horrible. So i am now back at AA, having realized i am completely messed up, not just kind of. Realizing i am an alcoholic, not just kind of. That i will always be, not just temporarily. This time redoing the steps, it has been hell. Which is a good thing, it means i am finally doing it right. I have been stuck on step 3 for a few weeks now. Having realized thee higher power was the reason i drank in the first place, i have a lot of resistance and fear. I take it one day at a time. Slow steps, asking God as i understand him, to relieve me of the bondage of self, let me follow his will instead of my own. It is not easy. The last while has been a freakin roller coaster of ups and downs. Huge depression, to feeling relieved and sane the next day.
I make the steps more complicated than they really are. I am so afraid of accepting faith into my life, because in my past i had a lot of terrible experiences to do with it. Today i am doing well, tomorrow maybe not. I hope a higher power can erase my stubbornness, because i still have that resistance, which brings me back to step 1. I try to be brave, but then i would rather go back and give up, because it seems more comfortable than the unfamiliar area i am treading in. I am not sure how to get through it. It is depressing thinking life will always be this way. Even though i don't drink, and don't want to ever go back to it, i still find other ridiculous things to be addicted to and pass my time with, in an escape. I really don't like it, when i know i am wasting time and my addict brain is controlling me, but to ask for it to be taken away by some god, i am actually afraid it will be. I do believe - now, it took me awhile to get there. But i am still terrified my prayer will be answered, and my addict resorts of familiarity will be taken away, and i will be left to stare at my issues in the face, left with nothing else to bide my time but finally face those shadows. And being an addict, i don't want to work. I still just want to take the easy way out. I have to do step 1, 2 and 3 on a regular basis. But most times, i block it out. Because i don't want to do it. My childish nature comes out and i would rather have fun, rather than do the work. That is where i am right now, struggling. Most days i pretend it's all peachy, try to ignore it. But there are times its really evident and up in my face. Like right before i steal some money from my parents to gamble on the internet. I know it's a bad move, and i know i should do something about it. I know i COULD ask my higher power to help me out, because i am powerless over it, but to put it simply in my addictions whiney voice "but i don't want to! It's too hard doing other things!" And there is a huge wall of panic there. Thankfully when i get addicted to random things, i get tired of it, and move onto something else. So i am confused of where i stand currently. Should i be on step 1 again? I don't want to go back to it, because i already know the severity of how messed up i am, and i sink so low into a pit of despair every time i think about it.