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I need help.
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I need help.

Dear friends

I have been struggling with "the drink" for over 12 years now. For most of the week, I do not drink but when weekends come, I am not able to limit my drinking and always go over the limit. And then I end up doing stupid things like going to visit sex workers, etc. The country where I live in doesn't have much of a support system in place for people like me,  and I am honestly at my wit's end on how I can solve this problem and remain sober. I do not have any other drug abuse problem, apart from cigarette smoking.

Last night, I came back home drunk and said terrible things to my aging parents and I know that smoe things which I said can NEVER be taken back.

If someone can point me in the right direction on how I can attend to this, I would be very grateful.

I do not want to be too long winded, so I'm going to end this post here. If any kind soul out there wishes to help me, I'll be glad to provide more information.

God bless
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You did good to come here for a support system.
There are many good people here for that reason, to offer Their support.
I don't have an issue with alcohol myself so I'm not sure I can be helpful but I can tell You that My Mother was an alcoholic who only quit drinking when She died.  Besides killing Her, Her alcoholism deeply affected/afflicted EveryOne in Our Family, My Father, My 2 Brothers and MySelf.

I know alcohol is addictive, I also know others have stopped.  I suggest You work with what You've got.  You said You only drink on weekends - so it is controllable for You during the week.  Work on Your mind set and attitude.  Tell YourSelf:

"If I can go 5 days without drinking, I can go 2 more days"

and then Your cycle would begin again.  Tell YourSelf this only 2 times and You've already got 14 days sober!! Keep telling YourSelf this - and BELIEVE it.

and tell YourSelf:
"I've seen that One drink is too MANY because one drink is not ENOUGH"
and BELIEVE it.

I don't mean to sound like I'm taking this lightly.  I am not.  I understand addiction.  I know it's difficult but I've seen and heard so many recover that I know it can be done if You desire it enough.

There will be others here who can offer You much help and advice.  Good Luck
19 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
You did good to come here for a support system.
There are many good people here for that reason, to offer Their support.
I don't have an issue with alcohol myself so I'm not sure I can be helpful but I can tell You that My Mother was an alcoholic who only quit drinking when She died.  Besides killing Her, Her alcoholism deeply affected/afflicted EveryOne in Our Family, My Father, My 2 Brothers and MySelf.

I know alcohol is addictive, I also know others have stopped.  I suggest You work with what You've got.  You said You only drink on weekends - so it is controllable for You during the week.  Work on Your mind set and attitude.  Tell YourSelf:

"If I can go 5 days without drinking, I can go 2 more days"

and then Your cycle would begin again.  Tell YourSelf this only 2 times and You've already got 14 days sober!! Keep telling YourSelf this - and BELIEVE it.

and tell YourSelf:
"I've seen that One drink is too MANY because one drink is not ENOUGH"
and BELIEVE it.

I don't mean to sound like I'm taking this lightly.  I am not.  I understand addiction.  I know it's difficult but I've seen and heard so many recover that I know it can be done if You desire it enough.

There will be others here who can offer You much help and advice.  Good Luck
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Avatar_m_tn
Maam, thank you for your kind words. Today I have been feeling especially depressed, but I've also been examining my problem from a realistic point of view (as you mentioned - i can go 5 days without even thinking of booze and yet on day 6 i crave it). It is more of a "psychological" addiction than a physical one. I am very close to my parents and have tried my best to be a good son to them, but after yesterday, I fear my relationship with them (especially my mother) may be damaged for life, because of the hurtful things I said when under the influence of the drink. Nontheless, I am going to give it another shot - I will try to get by the next week without resorting to drinking. And If I manage to do that, I'll go another week, and another... I managed to stay sober for 2 years in 2011 and 2012 but as a result of a bad breakup, I relapsed pretty badly. I am not blaming anyone for my relapse, it is totally my own fault. I have never been a spiritual person but I hope and pray that if there is a God , he/she will help me get through this, all I want is for my life to GET BACK TO NORMAL.

You are ABSOLUTELY right in saying ONE DRINK IS TOO MANY. ONE drink is never enough and its high time i learn that lesson and imprint it onto my DNA, so that i can stop fooling myself each time and thinking i can "stay in control". Fact is, i CANT and i should not be consuming alcohol.

After battling this problem for years and also HIV related OCD, I have finally decided to post my story on the Medhelp forums. With not much of a support system at home or among friends, I hope that with the support of the great people here, like yourself, I will be able to get back on the wagon and STAY ON IT this time.

Thanks again, my friend,
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Hi Dave. Welcome ! I agree with Tink You can do this !! I picked up a hobby of photography to fill in the time for the booze/drugs, It has work well for me I get a craving I pull out my camera and soon get lost in takeing pics and before I know it hours have passed without a thought to drink.. Since you live in a different country it would be interesting to see.. We have a feature here on MH that we can share our photos and our on other sites you can share them for free.. It is a great way to spend a weekend much healthier :) I also wish you well and  glad you found us ! lesa
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Avatar_f_tn
Alcohol causes/creates unpredictable behavior (as evidenced by the words You said to Your Mother)  I could tell You 100,000 hurtful things my Mother did and said to me - She was always drunk when She did those things but it still hurt and wounded me.

Alcohol is a poison that causes harm, injury to YourSelf AND Your loved Ones.  It kills brain cells and damages organs too.  and it's nutritionally pointless.  There's more, a LOT more.

That bottle of alcohol doesn't place itself in Your hands, it does not pour itself.  YOU do that.  You make a conscious decision to purchase and pour......and You can make the conscious decision not to.  I know about addiction, I know about craving, but I'm talking about control - You have that too (control), BEFORE that first drink, after the first drink You lose it (control).   Remember "one is too many, 'cuz one is not enough".  Repeat that out loud to YourSelf, again and again.   Even if You've destroyed some of Your brain cells, it's likely You have more brain cells left than that bottle has.  I'm pretty sure You can out-think that bottle of alcohol.


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Dear Lesa, Thank you for your insights! In fact, this is something i have been thinking about for a while (getting a hobby) I have noticed that my main "Trigger points" leading to alcohol consumption are actually friday and saturday nights. On all other days I dont even think about booze. Once I can find something productive to fill up my weekend nights, I am sure i can ease out of this whole problem.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you so much again fro taking the time to reply! May I ask you a personal question, since you have shared that your Mom also had a problem. Did you forgive her? Right now, it doesnt seem to me that my mom is going to be forgive me for what i said and it just rips me apart. For the past 12 years, Ive dealt with this problem in silence but today I'm glad ive posted on this forum. the Fact that people have reached out to me really warms my heart. As you correctly suggested, now i have to REMIND MYSELF THROUGHOUT the day that "ONE DRINK IS TOO MANY" I plan to meditate on it, before i sleep as well. I may not be a genius, but so far I've fared pretty OK in my life, and the one big thing holding me back is this alcohol problem. I would really appreciate it if you could stand by with the next few weeks while i wrestle this demon to the ground. It would really make a difference to me knowing that youre here.
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I'm sure that your mom understands that it was the drink talking, and if not, you can prove to her it was by staying sober. You can access AA online, and you can go through the steps with others. The idea given that a hobby is important is crucial. You need to be able to refocus your attention on the week end. You are so much further ahead than you know, being able to not think about drink during the week. Get one week end in sober, and talk to your mom, tell her that it was the drink that made you say things that you don't mean, and that you love he so much it would kill you for her to think that you didn't care for her. Ask for her support, tell her what you're doing, that you're part of a group called Alcoholics Anonymous. Get the Big Book and the 12 Step Book sent to you through the mail. You can do this. Please keep on here at Medhelp. Make friends with others who have quit drinking. I've been sober for 15 years. If i can do it, so can you my friend, with the support of Medhelp friends, and AA. Please celebrate your life this week end, and stay away from the alcohol. Don't go near anyone who is drinking. Learn from the program of Alcoholics Anonymous how to go forward, and you will never regret it.
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Avatar_f_tn
You asked if I forgave my Mother.  "Forgiveness" has never been an issue with me.  Not sure I can make myself understood on the "forgive" topic but basically I feel/don't feel it's mine to "forgive", it's God's job to "forgive",  I have an issue with "words".  Words like "I'm sorry" and "I forgive" are just words - it's "behavior" that matters to me...as in "Don't TELL me, rather SHOW me.
When I was young and being so physically and emotionally abused by my Mother, I did not like Her.  It was the only defense I had.  I felt She didn't love me and I wasn't going to love Her either!!  As I grew and matured, I no longer "disliked" Her but instead had a Huge sadness for the Mother/Daughter relationship we never had.  I still feel a huge sadness that I never knew my sober Mother, but saddest of all - She never knew HerSelf   She was ALWAYS drunk.  The truth of the matter, if You choose to use the word "forgive" - I was the one who came to have compassion and empathy for "whatever" issues She had and was never able to resolve.  My Father (who loved Her immensely!!) never reached that place - and neither did my Brothers.  We all thought She was drunk all the time 'cuz She was just mean!!   We did not know and understand alcoholism in those days, We didn't talk about it to Others, We were embarrassed and ashamed and I wasn't going to tell Anyone that my own Mother was beating me.  In those days I thought my Mother didn't love me 'cuz there was "something" wrong with me.  I didn't know what it was but, my oh my, I tried so hard to be a good daughter.  It's quite a sad story and a very long one.

As for YOUR Mother.  If You want "forgiveness", You MUST change Your behavior.  The words "I'm sorry" are not enough.  Your have to do  the R's. Take Responsibility
Show Remorse
Do the Repair

The best way You can show Your Mother GENUINE Responsibility,  TRUE Remorse and SINCERE Repair, is to stop drinking.  Your Mother will "forgive" You if You "show" Her, let Her "see" Your Remorse

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Avatar_m_tn
My friend thank you so much for your support. It truly means a lot for a man who is going through the darkest of days. Truth be told I've actually researched on local AA meetings near my area (I'm in Singapore) there is a meeting every Saturday morning and it's my own fault that I've never felt the "need" to go for it but this time I'm not gonna make excuses and I'm going for my first ever meeting this weekend. You have been sober fifteen years? That's amazingly incredible and God bless you for reaching out to others in need. I hope we can stay in touch here and I can finally kick this demon out of my life.
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Avatar_m_tn
Dear friend, although we do not know each other I'm grateful that you shared such a personal story with me. I know empty words arent going to prove
anything to my family... I will have to show them . I know I've lost their trust for the moment but I'm trying my best not to think of that and focus on making my first AA meeting this weekend. I shall not lie to myself any more and try to justify to myself that I don't have a drinking problem based on the so called textbook definition of alcoholism. I HAVE A PROBLEM. I should have come to medhelp earlier but as you may know I was just deluding my self as I have been for countless years. My best wishes go out to you and your family and hope we can keep in touch here.
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It's good what I hear You say here.  You have recognized You have a "problem" - that's REQUIRED - to recognize, I mean.

and Yes, You were "deluding" YourSelf for "countless" years.  Delusion is a nature of alcoholism.  I think that "denial" is in all things and surely it exists in an inebriated mind - an inebriated mind isn't seeing, feeling or thinking nearly the same as a sober mind. So, "deluding" YourSelf goes with all addictions.

But, that is behind You now.  You have begun the 3 R's.  You are taking Responsibility, You have begun the Repair and You will show Your Remorse to Your Family.  Your Mother loves You.  You can make this right with Her.  This I know is true.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you again for your replies...it's 7am here and I'm sitting alone in my office, and I'm feeling hopeful. Tomorrow is Friday, the "devils day" for me but I've already made plans with a close family member to come pick me up after work and bring me straight home. I've made myself accountable to him. I'll take it a Friday at a time...already made plans to watch a bunch of movies at home tomorrow night, sleep well and go for my first AA meeting at 8 am
Saturday morning.

Please do stay in touch, and I wish you have a blessed day!
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OMGolly!!  I am SO proud and happy for You!!

Regards,
Tink

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It is wonderful to hear you are taking Step 1: You are admitting that your powerless over alcohol, and your life has become unmanageable, You have told your family member that you are an alcoholic, and you need help to manage your situation. You are lucky that you have a close family member to care for you and your situation. Admitting that you are an alcoholic is hard to take back. Congratulations Dave, for opening up here, and for opening up to your family member, and for arranging an alternative to drinking when you get off work on Friday. Sounds to me like you're going to get to be that family man after all honey. Good for you. You deserve it. Liz
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And you can bet that TTinkK and I are going to be here for you always.
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And of course, Lesa. xo
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Avatar_f_tn
HI dave,
It's Monday - How did it go Friday night ("the devil's day")?

I know this is a struggle and I want to know:  How Are You?

Regards,
TTinKK
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Hi Dave.  I also am glad you are here.  You have taken the biggest step of all.  Everyone has a different bottom.  They say that aa is not for people who need it . It is for people who want it.  I use to think I had control over my drinking because I could work and take care of the kids, But the further my disease progressed, the less I thought of others, and  all I thought of was a drink, morning noon night.  Pretty soon I was a slave and booze was the slave driver.  No one likes to feel or admit that they are  powerless.  But when  I could no longer look in the mirror without feeling disgusted in the morning.  You are very lucky to have a mom who cares.  I didn't meet my mother until I was 36 yrs old  (father already died)  I was raised in foster homes and used that excuse for many years.  I was sitting the pity pot .  I was full of ****.  My own daughter asked me one night after I had an alcholoc seizure if I was ready to get help and I was.  I am now  64 and 9 yrs sober.  You do not have to put yourself through the horrors and deep deep depression.  You are young  Get it now before it is too late.  I wished I had.  I am soooo grateful to this program and the friends in it.  They have been there for me.   Choices chances and change  Stay away from people who only want to see you fall.  I think you will be allright.  Oh and do get a sponser right away.   By the grace of GOD go I.     Blue
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Hey Dave, how are you?
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