I need help

[Mashd]

I have an alcoholic daughter who went  through detox twice with 2 different programs.
My husband (who is her step dad) doesn't want her back in the house (she lived with me, my husband and our 16 year old daughter) for 3 months.

She was belligerent and verbally attacking my daughter and when she left the house last week and the following day I forced her to go to detox (I know I shouldn't have forced her to go)
She got out today and guess what? Yes, she's drinking again. She got a cab from the hospital and went to a hotel and started drinking. She wants to come back but my husband and daughter dint want her back in the house
I feel I should give her a chance because she said she will start AA meetings tomorrow and IOP the next day for 3x a week and go back to work on Thursday
Should I let her back home for 2 weeks? She says she will move out in that time frame
I feel I am in the middle in protecting my young daughter and giving my adult daughter one more chance

[Honorah]

Hi, I am a recovering alcoholic I was sober for 11 years and then I relapsed in March 2014,i ended up damageing my liver and almost died. i am back to A.A and sober for 6 months. I know you are struggeling with guilt about your daughter but believe me you can't pamper an alcoholic,tough love is the only way. I know that if she is not ready to stop then she won't until like kcwolf says  til she hits rock bottom.Take care of the rest of your family & if they are willing go to Al-Anon meetings it will help. I wish you luck & love. :)
                                                                                                  Sharon
                                                                                                

[Mashd]

I appreciate all of the posts with each of your advice, it does help me and I have been going to Alanon meetings and it's helping me through this little-by-little
I know I have to let her go but it's so hard; I also know I have to take care of my youngest daughter and I feel guilty doing so when my other daughter is out there falling on her face, not eating and crying to me -it breaks my heart
She went to one AA meeting the other day and was 3days sober at the time but she told me she couldn't wait to get out of there to have a drink and now she's in some hotel alone, drinking and I don't know if she's safe because she was crying that she was scared and normally I would go to her, but I was taking my young daughter to her friends and just told my oldest; to be careful
I feel I am turning my back on her
I pray for her and I pray for strength to do what is right - like in the serenity prayer

[ibizan]

Your're so welcome!so glad you've joined this forum.....such sound advice!

[kcwolf]

thanks for the back up

[kcwolf]

thanks ibizan for the back up

[march15oct5]

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter.  I am an alcoholic who relapsed and am just now getting back to meetings.  It isn't suprising to me that she drank.  It is what we do.  It ***** that we hurt the people around us.  It really, really does.  I don't think we mean to hurt others - we just do.  However, before she can get better, the struggle needs to be her's and not her with you.  I argued with my boyfriend sooooo many times.  But, I had to realize that the fight isn't with him - it is with me.  You aren't giving up on her by not letting her live with you.  You can still be there for her.  Go to open meetings with her.  You sound like an amazing mother - she is very lucky to have you.  I will keep you and her and the rest of your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[MYoungAtHeart]

When we blindly trust what people tell us they are going to do, without them actually carrying through those promises, that is called denial.  Wishing and hoping for a healthy sober daughter while putting a younger child at risk is further proof of denial.  I do hope you investigate some groups for people who are affected by alcoholism and go to them whether your daughter attends meetings or not.  

My best wishes go out to you.

M

[ibizan]

RIGHT ON TINK!what a wealth of knowledge here!

[TTinKKerBBell]

Ditto kcwof !!
and
Ditto ibizan !!

Your oldest Daughter has/is making Her OWN choices - which sets You 'free' to choose Your Youngest Daughter and Your Husband as Your Priority.

Your Oldest Daughter has CHOICE !!  sobriety IS do-able

as evidenced by kcwolf and ibizan and many others.

That being said, I understand the anguish in Your heart as in - been there, done that - and I wish You peace with YOUR choices.

[ibizan]

I so agree with kcwolf!She's had plenty of help to help herself and she refuses to do the WORK!You have a responsibility to protect the child who lives with you who as well as yourself,and both of you are undeserving of the abuse and chaos your other daughter is inflicting upon all of you!

[kcwolf]

im not a dr or specialist but i am a non practicing alcoholic,what  i do know is youve given her plenty of chances to get better and  she chooses not to do the work to try an get better, what i know is that most alcoholics wont take it seriously til they hit rock bottom, having a warm bed,food, money to by alcohol isnt rock bottom, as long as they can theyre still gonna drink, its the hardest thingg to do shes your daughter, but if you dont use tough love she isnt gonnaa get sober, shes sick very sick.  she has no right in your house treating people the way she is either its gonna  be hard but you need to be tough and tell her no contact until she is ready to get help and stick with, this includeds after treatment also