I need to stop drinking and do not know where to start

I'm unemployed single-mother with no health insurance, so basically not a lot of resources available.  I drink about a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine a day.  The writing is on the wall, I'm about to get in deep trouble because of this and I do not want hit rock-bottom before realizing I need help.  But I do not know where to start?. I'm afraid to talk to my friends and family cause I've always been the strong, successful and perfect one.  I can't bear shattering their image of me.  I'm afraid to talk to my boyfriend because I'm afraid he’ll leave me.  So where do I start.  I'm not acting like the person I know I'm capable of being. I'm so blessed.  I really do have a perfect life, so why am I messing up???    

[vicki595]

Hi~  I don't know why you're messing up. Only you would know that.  How long have you been drinking like this?  Have you ever stopped before?  Do you have a doctor?
Also,there's an alcoholism forum if you want to post there,as well.

There's much support here~Keep posting
Vicki

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

Your drinking is just a symptom of the disease. Having what you perceive to be a perfect life has nothing to do with it. There is turmoil going on inside that you need to get to.

I have to suggest that you get honest with your family. They probably already know something is wrong. Also, you are not going to have any sort of future with your boyfriend if you are hiding what is going on today.

I also suggest you post on the alcoholism forum and you can do a goggle search to find an AA meetings near you. You need support and there is no time like the present to get it.

Best of luck.

[beth1996]

I'm messing up because I have this great life but I'm choosing wine over living my life.  I've been drinking like this off and on for about 5 years but more consistently since I lost my job in late September.  I drink because I have a lot of pain physically and suffer extreme anxiety. Yes, my whole family linage consists of alcoholics.  I am currently only seeing a psychiatrist so I can get my anti-depressants and anti anxiety meds, but have no Rx's for pain, which I tend to need from time to time.  I feel like I'm in this viscous cycle and I cannot stop.  Thanks so for responding I feel so alone and ashamed.

[vicki595]

Beth~  You need to stop.  You also need to get honest with your psychiatrist,your medical doctor and your boyfriend.   If you have physical pain get that evaluated. You don't need to drink. There are other ways to feel better. You know alcohol is a depressant so...Chin up !!   Stop the drinking with supervision. You know you shouldn't stop abruptly.   You need support and when you let go of your secrets the help will be there.
Vicki  xo

[beth1996]

Simply... but how?  I know this burden shouldn't have to fall on your shoulders.  But how? It is so easier said than done.  How?

[vicki595]

I just told you :  You need to share this with someone who is physically near you. You need to get with your doctor to arrange a detox plan. You need to get on the phone and ask for help!!    You need to be honest with your psychiatrist. I KNOW it's easier said than done.  This is an addiction forum.  I was an addict.  I get it.

AND...you should probably go to an AA meeting.

V.

[avisg]

Beth , It is easier said then done .That's whys its very important you discuss this with your doctor / psychiatrist.You will need a safe plan to get off the alcohol and a recovery care program to stay off it .You is not easy but I think you can do it .Hang in there .we are here for you .

[dominosarah]

Hi Beth, i am sara and i am a recovering alcoholic also.  I so understand where you are coming from and it is easier said than done.  I am going to send you a pm okay?

[j34]

Hello Beth I dont think you are messing up you are reachig out and that is what counts today!! I know for me nothing I used do was good enough for me!! Today that is no longer true. I became willing to do anything to get sober and stay sober I went to a 12 step program and holy smokes I met happy ,fun and sober people there it was truly amazing I started to do what they were doing and I ended up with a yr sober i went back out again but for only 8 hrs I went back to aa and they welcomed me with open arms and now i have around ten months sober again!!! YIPPEE. The most important thing for me was i coulndt do it alone my disease told me that I didnt need anybody but i told it to get lost and accepted helped they offered me . wish all the best for you great big hugs...j

[Westguy1003]

There's plenty of things you can do to start out on getting better.

1. Without health insurance you may have to get creative in terms of healthcare. Long-term, inpatient detox may not be an option but try a free clinic for starters and get yourself checked out physically to see how your body is doing. Share your concerns with the doctor and discuss any possible withdrawl (withdrawal) dangers he/she can advise you on. They can also refer you to support groups and or / counseling services in your area that will be free of charge. This is seperate from your existing psych but he/she might be able to refer you somewhere as well. AA is probably a good place to start and there are meetings all over the place. A little depression counseling doesn't hurt either.

2. Open the yellow pages and check out the first few or last few pages. There's usually toll free support line numbers there. Suicide line, depression line, etc... Speaking from personal experience some of the operators on those lines are very capable and can also refer you to support and or counseling groups in your area.  I've had some good talks with the operator on the depression lines. If you don't have a phone book then just google "Depression hotline" or "Alcohol support" and your city/state and look at the results.

3. Once you find a doctor to treat you, discuss everything with him/her. Maybe they can help you manage the physical pain somehow, hopefully without the use of strong drugs. From my own experience I've found that adjusting your sleep schedule so that you get a decent, full nights sleep each night is very helpful. Sleep rejuvinates the body and the mind. Life always seems a lot worse if you're exhausted all day.

4. I've found that a little exercise helps as well. You don't need to get crazy, just do a little bit. Do some stretching in the morning or before you go to bed, Maybe go for a walk in the morning or at night. Bring along your ipod or whatnot and listen to some good music that you enjoy. Classical music, I find, is peaceful and thought provoking. I defy anyone to be upset while listening to classical music.

5. Remember a time when you drank too much even for you. Remember the bad feelings, bad things that happened, and most importantly remember how awful you felt when you woke up the next day (probably late) and how the whole day was ruined. Try to capture that feeling in your mind and think about it. Then think about how much nicer it is to wake up feeling refreshed in the morning, having had a good nights sleep, no hangover, no embarassing memories from the night before. Make that a goal to strive for each day. And each day when you wake up take a moment to realize how much better and nicer it is to wake up that way.

6. Don't be afraid to let people in. Friends, family, boyfriend, etc.. if they care about you then trust me they WANT to be there to help you through this. You don't have to hit them with it all at once. Maybe start by saying "I've been feeling depressed lately so I'm going to some support group sessions" or whatnot. But realize that as bad as you feel, you'll feel a lot better if you're not alone. Maybe start small and just bring a family member or two into the fold at first. If you're going to get better you're going to want / need a support structure in place. Never mind about shattering any images they have of you. It's entirely possible they already suspect something might be up with you no matter how well you think you've kept it hidden. At any rate, put yourself in the opposite situation and realize that you would want to be there for them in the same situation. Don't feel you have to be alone if you have loved ones that are more than willing to go it with you. You don't have to shut people out. Your health, your recovery, is key.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to speak with a doctor about all of this. They can better walk you through the steps you need to take to safely detox from alcohol and help put you on the path to recovery. We can't diagnose you or give you medical advice on here, we can only share our own experiences and thoughts based on what we've gone through. But it's a resource you should certainly utilize!

It's a long road and it certainly isn't easy. Feel free to avail yourself of those hotlines you'll find whenever you want and certainly feel free to come on this forum and share with us if you need to talk or vent or just be heard. There's not much you can tell us on here that we haven't heard or done before! No shame, just support!

Good luck!

[ibizan]

what kind of effect does the drinking have on your ability to take care of your children?i hope u don't drive under the influence with them in the car!how do u manage to hide the drinking from your boyfriend?

[dominosarah]

Great post Westguy~~~~~sara

[ibizan]

yes westguy i would just repeat you if i responded and i would echo all u've said and dominosarah-I agree!we have some good posters here..lucky to have them!:)

[beth1996]

To all that has replied:  Thank you.  I NEVER ask for help for fear of being disappointed and none have done this.  So my deepest Thank You!

Westguy:  Thank you, you gave me a starting point I was looking for, and I will start there.

ibizan: My child is 13, not negating the negative effects I'm sure I'm having on him, he’s super busy with school and sports and is very independent.  As for my boyfriend, we do not live together he travels away for his job most weeks and I "behave" when I am around him.  My son goes away to friends, grandparents and his father so I'm often alone.  Those are the darkest times.

Vicki: I went to an AA meeting last night I found through our county website, but no one was there.  But I will not let this deter me from going to AA.  I'm curious to see what they may have to say.

Again I cannot thank everyone who responded enough.  Just feeling like I'm not alone feels better.  Take care Beth

[Purbeckgirl]

I attended AA for many years, keep going, ring AA and ask for help you will find it. There must be a meeting soon, I used to love it.Thinking of re-joining. You are in my thoughts to-day, you are not alone.

[ibizan]

sometimes the AA meetings change or fold and the website is not updated for awhile.So glad u went and please try again.....u could call your local county outpatient substance abuse agency and see if they can provide u with an updated list.13 year olds know what their parents do...oh these young ones are SO smart!I had a four year old tell me about his mom smoking rock aka crack and drinking a 6 pack!Google this poem The Gal in the Glass...this is what recovery is all about... a life better lived minus alcohol!please don't disappear from here......we will help in any way we can when one truly wants recovery!:)

[ibizan]

Google is sexist!the gal in the glass didn't exist but if you google the man in the glass poem you will see it and just substitute gal for man!JEEZ!

[Purbeckgirl]

Wonderful post, thank you so much, going with everything you said and thanks again for sharing.

[ciqala]

First of all i truly wish you the best in undertaking this. You already made the first step.

There are always underlying issues of why we drink. There is always a reason. You need to sit down and think about why. Sometimes therapy will help with that.
That may not be the first step however. The first step you need a lot of help, alot of structure, routine... you need to find the balance, simple things like getting back on normal routines.
When i first stopped, it was very, very hectic (and actually forced by worried family members after near death experiences caused by drunkenness). I had someone helping me through the firsttttt step. So i know that most people dont have that. They actually took away my money flow, so i could not spend it on alcohol. They went out and treated me like a child, buying me food, to make sure it was spent on food. I think the alternative to that would be to admit yourself into a treatment centre. a treatment center will give you the opportunity to sober up and think more clearly about things.
But you have to WANT to get better.

The only thing that helped me want to get better, was that i stayed away from it for many weeks. For me i did not have that motivating thought in mind at all, so it was a very forced process.
The process lasted... a few weeks until i was able to see clearly and be sober. By that time i was able to think again, and realize that being sober was the best choice for me.
From there it got easier. The cravings lessened in a few months.
My depression and mental side effects lifted after SEVERAL months.
But throughout it all i was able to think, and i hashed over the illogical part in my mind, and kept tying to balance it out with the logical.

After nearly a year... i still have to stay away from every situation that reminds me of alcohol. i think i will always. you need support groups that teach you how to deal with... leaving your old life behind and trying to find new more healthier things. sometimes it can be hard ditching old friends. for me, its hard to even walk around town without besiegment of cravings, so i basically had to move out into the wilderness for many months and isolate myself. i truly did this. i am not sure it was a good idea. because once i moved back into town, i realised that escaping it, just makes it worse once i walk around town now. so i deal with it. i recognize the cravings, the nostalgia and just walk away from them.
but you seriously cannot be around the locations you drank, the people who trigger you...
for a very very long time.
i know i definitely cannot be in a situation where there is alcohol around. it took a year for me to develop the strength to say no to it when someone asked, but i still dont have strength to stay away if it's in front of my face.
Sometimes i am so forceful in public, i automatically tell people i expect drink that i am a recovering alchoholic in a strong tone. most older people respect that. the younger ones don't understand, but most people, when you say that, they back off. the new people i meet, i make sure they know i cannot have it around me.

I myself am still working on my own underlying issues, but i have completed the step in understanding why i drank.
you may need structure of a treatment centre. there are different ones out there that suit different beleifs. i myself was not fond of religious types.
even though i consider myself recovered by now, i am admitting myself into a treatment center at the end of this summer. because i have realised a very important thing.

addictions always transform into something else that is bad unless you deal with the issues, and learn how to KEEP the balance. my addiction has just changed to something else.

When you are in the mind frame and able to think clearly, you need to work on the underlying issues, or you will always adopt bad habits to cover them up. even if you use addiction for something good, it tends to go extreme and then turn bad.

Sometimes this will take a HUGE change of lifestyle. This comes later, very later. Because you need to work on one thing at a time.
I'm not talking about just getting rid of one addiction, i'm talking about the small addictions EVERYONE has, like unhealthy views brainwashing us in society,by the media, bad habits we have about our self image, our eating habits, our basic instinct clock of balance. it needs to be pretty much, rebuilt.

there are some things we do unintentionally that feed the brain the same addict flow. like if you do not eat regularly, it actually shows up in the addict side of the brain. in order to properly defeat addict energies, you need to work on it all. it sounds overwhelming, but you do it one step at a time. take one day at a time.
living in a balance... might take me a lifetime to full fill but its my goal. :) Only because im tired of the huge amount of different addictions mine change into haha.
i may have not been an alcoholic for life, but i had addictions wayyyy before that. the brain recognizes them as the same, even when i use them to my benefit.

You should let your loved ones know. They can be good support.

  

[Jacker]

Speaking from personal experience, I would say that the first thing that we need to lose in this situation is our pride.  I went a long time without telling the people who were closest to me about my alcohol problem, and it only sabotaged my efforts to stay sober.  There is nothing weak about realizing that you have a problem and facing it head-on.

Consider telling the people close to you.  It takes about 5 days to break the physical cravings of alcohol addiction (up to 10 before you feel pretty good physically).  Just beware of any serious symptoms such as shaking.  

Come clean and ask for help......it will be your best chance at beating this.

[Purbeckgirl]

Thank you so much for share. My husband has taken credit cards/cheque book/money away as well. It's true, you have to WANT to get better, I can only say that about 20 years ago my first small step to the road to recovery started with picking up the phone to AA. The person on the other end of the phone was so kind, I was picked up for a meeting and suddenly i was not alone. I stopped for 10 days just on that one meeting and went one in the AA for about 3 years. Thinking of going back because I live in binge drinking Britain lol! and my neighbours lovely though they are are drinking heavily outside all weekend, I am alone my husband is a shift worker. He goes on a course next week so think I may come here for help though celebrating another sober/hangover free morning! It does get easier but takes practise. I have known people to go AA and never drink again 25 years later. Thanks for listening, Nicky.

[Honeyb33]

HI Beth
I only joined this site three days ago - it took me two days to gather the courage to put a post here.  I'm so grateful and hopeful that I did.  Perhaps if I'd found it sooner I'd have stopped my binging habit years ago.  
I feel so in tune with you Beth.  You could be me and vise versa :)  I'm a proud and 'strong' single professional woman and lost my job 18 months ago.  I also have a 13 year old son who stays with his father on a shared fortnightly basis.  So,  I'm often alone because my new partner and I live 25 kilometers apart.  And, I believe, I can do everything and anything on my own.
My 13 year old knows I drink, even though I thought for years I kept it cleverly hidden from him.  Sometimes when he would be in his room playing X-Box, I'd watch a movie and have a bottle of wine and then brush my teeth.  
Three days ago he gently told me that I tended to say things when I was 'drunk' that I wouldn't normally say.  I'd convinced myself that my drinking was undetectable to him.  But, hearing my beautiful boy use the word 'drunk' to describe me was like a frozen stone dropping in the pit of my stomach.  
Suddenly I find myself in a situation where I don't want to battle this habit on my own.  We've made to first step by joining this site and corresponding with these amazing enlightened people.
I had very unsupportive parents, I ran away from home when I was 17 and married a man who had no idea how to support me when I begged him to help with my drinking problem.  I've now met a man who is so there for me - I can't believe that such compassion and empathy is mine to call upon.  And now I have it here.  I know that with the people on this site and I achieve my target of 30 days drink free.
I wish you all the luck in the world Beth.  Stay in contact and drink lots of water.  :)
Honey